Now the Holidays have been coupled with alcohol for as long as the Earth has been orbiting the Sun. I’m kidding, that isn’t correct, but you get the point. And if you’re struggling with alcohol or trying to get sober, the holidays can be the ultimate challenge. This episode should help.
In this Holiday Collab Episode, we’ve got Gill from the Sober Powered Podcast. Casey from the Hello Someday Podcast, and Veronica from the Soberful Podcast.
Episode 415 – Dopamine
Today we have Jorie, she is 31, from Westford, VT and took her last drink on 9/19/2020
There are two spots left for our next sober travel trip to Costa Rica from April 12th-21st for more information click the link Costa Rica 2023. The deadline to register is February 24th.
Registration is open for our 6 week Ukulele Course brought to you by Kala Brand ukulele – use the promo code 23ELEVATOR for 15% off. The course starts in three weeks on Saturday, February 11th so you have plenty of time to pick-up a ukulele.
[02:01] Highlights from Paul:
We hear a lot about dopamine in recovery. All humans have dopamine, but our dopamine systems all work differently. It is the chemical that drives us eat, find warmth, shelter, find a mate and is also known as the pleasure molecule.
Living in a world of abundance rather than scarcity finds us with an overwhelming number of dopamine-triggering stimuli for nearly all of us in one way or another. Many of us reached the point in our drinking where we no longer drank to feel good but drank just to feel normal. This is all tied to dopamine and how it is processed by the body. Dopamine is important to keep us going, but we must find healthier ways to get it.
Check out the book Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke, it is a great read on the topic.
We have partnered with SoberLink – there is a promo code for RE listeners.
[09:14] introduces Jorie:
Jorie is 31 and was born in raised in Vermont. She enjoys running, playing hockey and loves to write which she says helps her stay in the present moment. She’s an athletic trainer at a local school, runs her own business and supervises sporting events. She is also part of a co-ed hockey league in her spare time.
Jorie didn’t start drinking until after college. Her parents divorced when she was young. Her father had a drinking problem, but her mother did not drink. She was never interested in drinking, she worked hard in school and played sports, so it didn’t fit into her lifestyle. She was in a long-term relationship since she was 18 and they got married when she was 27.
The pandemic really opened her eyes to her relationship with alcohol. She realized how uncomfortable it made her to think about alcohol not being an option to cope with things. Jorie and her brother challenged one another to quit drinking over the summer of 2020 and they almost made it three weeks. That experiment helped her to further review her drinking and she started realizing that she really tried to avoid being uncomfortable for a long time. She began reading books associated with recovery and discovered Recovery Elevator where she listened to other people’s stories and recognized that we don’t have to hit rock bottom to question our drinking.
When she quit drinking, she initially felt a lot of anxiety and fear. She felt guilt that she craved alcohol, she felt shame for listening to podcasts for hours. She wants to live her best life and realizes that alcohol will impede that. Jorie does not want to see a rock bottom and is focusing on her growth in sobriety. She feels stronger in her job and in her relationships and really thrives on focusing on the present.
For Jorie, recovery takes effort and continued learning is important.
[46:49] Paul’s outro:
In the book Dopamine Nation Dr Anna Lembke talks about a 30 day dopamine fast. It isn’t always that easy, but it is necessary to help us heal. Over time and with work, we can live a life without the temptations to the dopamine system.
Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
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Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down, but we’ve got to take the stairs back up
I love you guys
“There are many excuses to drink... but no reasons.”
“When you are an addict, the only line you can cross but can not come back from is death.”
Dating and Sobriety
Modern dating has us drinking more, but being less successful at it. Drinking can give us a false sense of connection. A 2014 Survey from Plenty of Fish found that 36.4% of singles drink before going out and 48.9% drink during the date. It's not entirely surprising that modern dating and drinking are so thoroughly linked. Having a conversation with a stranger can be difficult, whether the internet was involved in your meeting or not. People will drink to make themselves feel more relaxed, but in reality, all they are doing is slowing down their brains, dulling their senses and intuitions.
Not drinking works in our favor. Jitters are your body's way of telling you that you care. Mating is natural, primal, and our bodies have developed mechanisms for sniffing out whether or not a potential mate will be good for us.
When we drink, we are hiding parts of ourselves from our potential partner, as they are hiding from us. Real connections sprout from the roots of honesty and vulnerability.
Believe that dating without drinking is possible. If you find yourself struggling with the idea of a sober meet up then you probably need more time to gain your sober footing before you venture out into the wild. In sobriety, an awkward date is simply that.. an awkward date. It just means that you have no natural chemistry with the person, and that's ok.
Remember dating is about getting to know the other person. Ask questions, listen to the answers. See how you feel. Be patient, don't rush things.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Zack, with 514 days since his last drink, shares his story...
SHOW NOTES
[12:19] Paul Introduces Zack.
Zack is from Nebraska, lives in Colorado. He's married and loves the outdoors.
[14:15] When did you first realize that you had a problem with alcohol?
Mid 20's. He didn't want to end up like his father. His father drinks nightly. He realized that his friends were moving on with their lives. He kept trying to moderate or quit unsuccessfully.
[17:00] Now that you know more about alcoholism, has your relationship with your father changed?
Kind of. He said he will never end up like his father. He didn't start drinking until after high school. His father helped him get his first drink.
[18:10] What did it feel like to crave alcohol?
Irritable. He would work harder so he could get home quicker and open his first drink. Most of the time he was drinking alone. It started fun but he became lonely.
[20:00] When were you finally able to quit? How?
He got a DUI. He promised himself he wouldn't drink and drive. He wasn't able to give up the drinking, so he just stopped driving. He drank alone a lot. He gained a lot of weight. He developed other health problems. He stopped caring.
[22:30] Did you have a rock bottom moment? How did you quit?
For years leading up to his health scare, he would try to stop drinking. It lead to a period of emotional numbness that scared him into taking his health seriously. He moved to Colorado, and the geographical cure didn't work. His application for life insurance was declined because of his many health problems. That woke him up and he realized that it would really affect his family. He made up his mind to quit on January 1. He noticed his addiction lying to him in his own voice and he was able to make it through the initial stages of craving. He almost relapsed, but the smell of the open bottle made him stop. He reached a turning point and decided to research what he could do to stay sober. He found a sobriety forum online and the responses were overwhelming. He hadn't opened up to his wife about quitting drinking, so the online forum became his support. He finally told her he quit after three months, and it was difficult for him.
[29:30] Assuming your wife will hear this recording, what would you like to say to her about your drinking?
It's been extremely difficult, and he's sorry about withholding and lying. He's sorry for the emotional difficulty he's put her through.
Creating accountability with his wife, and joining Cafe RE has helped him to heal and grow emotionally.
[33:00] Did you experience a pink cloud? What was it like afterwards?
First 5 months or so was good. He kept busy. Worked a lot, hiking, running, he lost 40 pounds. He ran his first half marathon. Around month 10, he just slowed down and realized that he was just filling his time and not actually growing. He realized he couldn't stay busy forever. Podcasts helped him learn and realize that he also needed to grow emotionally.
[35:15] How was your relationship with your wife changed since you've tried to grow emotionally?
He opens up to her more, which is difficult for him. Their relationship has gotten a lot stronger because he's finally able to tell her more. She has noticed a huge change in his state. He is more emotionally available.
[36:40] Walk us through an ordinary day in recovery for you.
He wakes up to a workout at 4am. He has a gratitude list. He works from 6:30 until the afternoon. They are in the process of remodeling their home. He and his wife hang out for a while and connect.
[39:09] What do you value most in recovery?
Better relationships with people. He doesn't feel as isolated.
[39:27] What is your proudest moment in sobriety?
He ran his first half marathon. His achievements in the realm of exercise have been great inspiration.
[39:50] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Mentioned John Oliver Clip
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Ashley, with 16 days since her last drink, shares her story…..
Do not forget the AALRM race in Bozeman MT, on 5/20. This supports recovery. You can also sign up to do a virtual run at www.recoveryelevator.com\run. Enter promo code “recovery” for a discount.
The Café RE private face book group will be capped at 300 members. If you would like to join the original group, now is the time to sign up. Go to www.recoveryelevator.com and enter the promo code RE1 to get your first month free.
Alcohol does not make us more intelligent. We all know that drinking and drinking is not good. When we start drinking, our mind starts to shift and suddenly is seems like a good idea. We only have a short distance to drive, right? The statistics show that we drink and drive 76 times before getting caught. Drinking also causes us to say and do stupid things, like trying to coax a poodle to run across 5 lanes of traffic, or shout out that a girl had a funky looking toe at a bar. It you would like to send an e-mail with the most unintelligent thing you have ever done while drinking, drop a line to info@recoveryelevator.com.
SHOW NOTES
[11:22] Paul Introduces Ashley.
Ashley – I have been sober for 16 days and feel more focused this time. I am from Iowa, 32 years old and have 3 sons. I am trying to find new sober hobbies.
[13:11] When did you first notice that you had a problem?
Ashley – I started drinking at the age of 12. I would party with older people. I was sneaking booze at the age of 14 and my family sent me away to a home. By the time, I was 21, I had 3 children and 2 DUI’s. I still did not think that I had a problem. I later lost my license for 5 years. I was home alone, couldn’t drive and my drinking really took off.
[16:11] Was it hard getting sober at such a young age?
Ashley – It has been really hard since everyone I know drinks. I am trying to distance myself from my drinker friends and find sober friends.
[17:47] You were sober before. What happened to cause you to drink again?
Ashley – I was doing a cleanse to try and lose some weight. But then a concert came around and I drank there. I stopped for a few weeks but went to a funeral where everyone was drinking. I ended up doing a shot and it was game on from there. I drank for 6 days straight after that. I just couldn’t say no whenever someone offered me a drink.
[21:11] Did you ever put any rules in place to try and control your drinking?
Ashley – I’ve tried every rule imaginable; from only drinking on the weekends, to never drinking at home, or only drinking after the children went to bed.
[24:00] How did you get sober this time?
Ashley – I try and go to AA every day and I listen to podcasts.
[25:41] What are you going to do differently this time?
Ashley – I am distancing myself from my drinking friends and trying to make new sober friends. I also am looking for on-line support in order to locate sober people in my area.
[27:54] Do you think you will ever be able to attend shows sober?
Ashley – Right now, no. But I love music so eventually I would like to be able to go. It is going to take some time.
[29:23] Did you ever go to any “dark” places while drinking?
Ashley – I had tons of blackouts and I lost my license for 5 years.
[29:23] Paul and Ashley talk about a time when she felt like drinking but managed to control the urge.
Ashley – I was recently home alone and starting getting those thoughts of drinking. I watched a few videos on U-Tube and thought that if I drank, I would ruin my week again.
[33:05] What is a typical day like for you?
Ashley – I try to keep very busy with work. I also plan what AA meeting I am going to attend and get up and go.
[34:52] What are your thoughts on a HP?
Ashley – I believe in God and would go to church occasionally as a child. I am trying to get back into church.
[35:49] What are you most proud of and how are your relationships now?
Ashley – I am most proud of being there for my children. I am more active with them. My relationship is much better with them. My children see me being active and happy.
[37:33] Do you have anything on your bucket list?
Ashley – I want to be able to truly love myself and my life. I want to be able to do things without booze.
[38:35] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Check out the upcoming Machu Picchu trip in 2018. Send an e-mail to info@recoverelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Buddy, with 7 years of sobriety, bounced in an out of AA for from 2002-2008 before something finally stuck and ironically, he explains how drinking actually saved his life.
Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link: www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
I read the following line out of an AA Grapevine, August 2013 issue, while on a tumultuous ride over a high altitude Andean pass in Chile. It didn’t help that I was only 2 days sober (relapsed shortly after reading that line and ended up vomiting on myself and the bus) and I thought a relationship would solve my problems.
Page 53 in the 12&12:
The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being.
Also in the episode, Paul discusses the must see The Anonymous People, which is a documentary about recovery.
Maggie who has 14 days of sobriety in her early recovery explains how she made it this far and what gave her the motivation to stop drinking alcohol.
Here are some of the resources discussed in Episode 10
And of course, the battle with the iPhone
In this episode, I interview Tom, who has 4 more days of sobriety than myself, and I hope that never changes! Tom you are officially my new accountability partner.
In this episode I discuss 6 ways you can take action before really taking action.
1. Wake up - set a routine
2. Pray, say something positive to yourself and meditate
3. Make healthy meals
4. Clean - organize the space you live in
5. Exercise - walk, jog, run, stretch
6. Get busy - keep your mind off alcohol with healthy time consuming tasks
DIY Pete has a great website that walks viewers through building great projects STEP BY STEP. This is a great resource and healthy activity in early sobriety!
Paul climbed Machu Picchu in 2014 while sobering up and the trek mentally and physically kicked my butt. In 2015, he dominated the trek becuase sobriety was with my every step of the way.
In this Episode Paul talks about speaking to the girls in the Peruvian Promises program, which is part of the non profit Peruvian Hearts about the topic of alcoholism. Although none of the girls in the orphanages and the Peruvian Promise program are alcoholics, several of their parents are. Portions of the donations submitted through the website and mobile app will be given to the Peruvian Hearts program in addition Paul will be organizing a trip in 2016 to the volunteer again.
Paul speaking to the girls of the Peruvian Promise program
Paul and Nate hitch hiking in El Salvador in sobriety! You can tell it's a little warm at the time this photo was taken!
Alcohol is the most dangerous drug in the world and you probably don’t even realize it.
David Nutt, psychiatrist at imperial college in the UK and former Chairman of the UK advisory council on drugs.
- Kills 3 million people worldwide
- Was fired for suggesting alcohol was most dangerous drug
- In the USA alcohol is responsible for 1/3 of all traffic fatalities
- With homicides ½ were intoxicated and 2/3 of domestic violence victims
- You’re likely to be a victim is doubled as well
Harm score from
- Measures drugs on a score of 16 (9 measure harm to individual user and 7 measure societal factors)
- Heroine, crack, and Meth are more dangerous when only individual factors, but even so, alcohol is the 4th.
- Tobacco is the 7th most harmful drug. 9/10 people can handle alcohol, but 0/10 people can smoke. QUIT SMOKING NOW
- Important to not confuse legality with dangerousness. The reasons some drugs are legal are mainly cultural and political.
- Marijuana is the gateway drug? Nope. It’s alcohol and even more dangerous than ecstasy and LSD
When I found out one of my brother's best friends is an alcoholic I was blown away; an a little upset that we hadn't connected years before so we could have been working together.
Here are some of the resources that Elliot likes.
Like Elliot mentioned, if you would like to get in touch with Elliot, email info@recoveryelevator.com and we will put you in touch with him.