Episode 354
Today we have Cordell. He is 38, from North Dakota, and took his last drink on December 6, 2017.
Highlights from Odette
Odette has some helpful hints to contribute to Paulâs Holiday Survival Guide. Odette suggests 1) have a fun escape plan, 2) offer to do the dishes, 3) dig into your arsenal of whyâs.
Beyond tips, Odette suggests really focusing on effective communications. Set expectations in advance, particularly with those closest to you so they understand you are committed to staying sober, even if it means leaving early. You donât have to burn the ships either, you can reference plans early the next day. Odette says having a puppy is a great reason to leave a party early.
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[6:05] Cordell took his last drink December 6, 2017. He is 38 and has a wife and 3 kids. He spends lots of time chasing kids and he works in a coal mine. Sobriety is the best choice he ever made.
Cordell was raised in a Christian family with lots of family gatherings in a small town with lots of alcohol. Taking a sip of his parentsâ drink was common. In high school, alcohol was a given, part of the norm. Cordell didnât drink to have fun; he drank to get wasted. He started working as a welder and drinking was part of the routine.
At 22 he decided he needed help. He smoked pot and took other drugs, and it had a spiraling effect. He went to a 30-day Intensive Outpatient program. He was sober for almost a year and decided he had it under control. He would drink 1-2 beers at a party and âdrink responsiblyâ.
At 24, his girlfriend was pregnant. He wasnât ready to be a father and his drinking really took off. He lost his job, his friends, his car and was at rock bottom. He met his son for the first time when he was 3 months old. Meeting his son encouraged him to clean up his act a bit. He quit taking drugs but continued to drink. He moved in with his girlfriend, got a job and maintained as a functioning alcoholic. His daughter was born two years later. Almost immediately after his daughter was born, his girlfriend was pregnant again.
Cordell was often put in jail for fighting with his girlfriend. He eventually got a job at the coal mine. He and his girlfriend got married. His drinking slowed, but extra income became an opportunity to start taking drugs again. He was fired after a random drug screen. His drinking and using escalated and his wife kicked him out. He moved in with a buddy who was also drinking and drugging.
Ultimately, he went to rehab. The withdrawal was hell, but he found new tools to have fun, and started to surround himself with healthy people. Now he coaches wrestling, volleyball and is actively engaged with his kids. He talks to his sponsor daily and he has learned how to apologize.
Krisâs Summary
Kris reminds us our path isnât linear. He speaks about binging on feelings and emotions. He is physically and emotionally exhausted. Kris encourages us to shift our thinking an reframe recovery as a gift. We learn how to feel and sit with our feelings, know they arenât permanent and move forward. Stick with it!
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Holiday 2021 AF Survival Guide
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Episode 353 â Itâs a Week to be Thankful
Today we have Jan. She is from Connecticut and took her last drink on February 1, 2021.
Café RE donated $15,094.73 to organizations and non-profits geared towards helping those affected by addiction.
Highlights from Paul
Paul is encouraging listeners to develop a game plan for the holidays. Last week he encouraged us to: 1) create a detailed craving plan, 2) turn FOMO into JOMO by saying no and, 3) pick a holiday theme song.
Paul shares that when we make the decision to not drink, an unbelievable amount of energy is released. This is less about staying away from alcohol and more about creating a life that doesnât require alcohol. When weâre drinking there is no space mentally for this new life.
This week Paul encourages us to: 1) select a Thanksgiving AF beverage, 2) schedule one minute of intense mindfulness and, 3) sticky note â write a reminder, goal or affirmation and put it somewhere you can see it.
Remember what the holiday is all about, being grateful for all the gifts we have including the adversity that inspired us to go alcohol free. Paulâs pep talks can be found here: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/
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[14:34] Jan took her last drink 2/1/2021. She is 71 years old and has a son. She is a massage therapist, health coach, dog sitter and loves hiking, audiobooks, and photography.
Jan started drinking went she went to school overseas in Italy. It was part of the culture. She drank and experimented with drugs through college. She had serious health consequences because of her drinking. She worked at several resorts and met her husband who loved to drink. Jan went to AA and stayed sober for four years. She returned to drinking for twenty years.
She struggled with mental health issues, anxiety, and panic attacks. She spent a lot of time in psychiatric hospitals and was encouraged not to drink. Jan went to 4 or 5 different treatment centers. The tipping point came when her son pushed her to quit. Jan pretended to take Antabuse in front of her son and maintaining the facade was exhausting. A friend of her sonâs recommended CafĂ© RE; the connection she found within CafĂ© RE was very helpful.
Jan loves âWe are the Luckiestâ by Laura McKowen and recalls hearing, âfind a room that works and stick with it,â and that resonated for her. She steers clear of situations where people are drinking alcohol. The obsession has lifted.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette reflects on CafĂ© Reâs recent regionals event. The theme was acceptance. Odette reads a beautiful passage from Melody Beattie about acceptance. https://melodybeattie.com/acceptance-2/
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Episode 352 â Allow the deeper you to emerge
Today we have Kendall. He is 30, from Texas, and took his last drink on March 13, 2021.
Paul shares some personal insights on the growth of Recovery Elevator.
Highlights from Paul
Paul resumes the discussion about having a game plan for the holidays. He reminds us that alcohol can have catastrophic effects.
A recap from last week: 1) Accountability, 2) Stock up on AF beverages, 3) Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy. Paul introduces three additional concepts: 1) Develop a cravings plan and get specific, 2) JOMO â find something this holiday season to say ânoâ to and savor the new boundary, 3) Pick your holiday theme song.
When you begin the journey in a life without alcohol, an incredible thing begins to take place. You get to experience a transformation that allows the deeper you to emerge. You get to know yourself, your true and authentic self, your needs, wants, desires and more. Paul encourages us to listen to the inner voice and the guidance it provides to tell us what we need, when we need it and how to get it. Our inner voice will help us to fully live a human life with all its ups and downs. When we are true to our authentic selves, we get to embrace the full palette of human emotions, we learn to stand up for ourselves and learn to create a life that no longer involves alcohol.
Listen to the pep talk segment here: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/
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[10:11] Kendall took his last drink 3/13/2021. He is 30 years old and has a young daughter and enjoys skate boarding. Kendall started drinking at age 14. He smoked, drank, and hung out with his friends. He didnât drink frequently, but every time he did, he got very drunk.
Kendallâs sober journey began NYE 2019 when he was going through his divorce. He didnât want to be âthat guyâ who drowned himself in alcohol. He thought he was healed at 50 days. He was out of control. His drinking escalated dramatically. He would quit for a day, but he was having fun. At some point he reflected on his behavior. His ex-wife sent him pictures of empty bottles she found in the house. Kendall realized he was resentful at his wife for not letting him drink the way he wanted to. Kendall hid his drinking. He used it as an outlet to escape his depression.
Odette found Kendall through his participation in the CafĂ© RE roll call. She watched him start to count days. In April 2020, Kendall found RE. He was in lockdown and still drinking daily. Kendall connected with Paulâs energy on the RE podcast. He tricked himself through several day ones and eventually he hit a day 3, then a day 7, then a day 27. He used the term, âfield researchâ as a pass to drink. Publicly posting on his social media helped him gain accountability and receive love.
Kendallâs skating friends are incredibly supportive of his sobriety. They have come to his house when he was having cravings. Now Kendall is more emotionally aware. Kendallâs cravings are nostalgia cravings. His slip-ups have created a strong foundation for him to stay sober. Dating is hard because everybody wants to meet for a drink. He was falling apart one day, and he got support from his community and they helped him through.
Odetteâs Summary
If you are on the struggle bus right now, hold on! Bad days and low emotions are part of the journey. Just when you are completely overwhelmed and spiraling, you will have a normal day. Emotions do level out and the intensity dissipates. Hold on! Know that you will turn a corner soon. Reach out for help. Slow and steady wins the race.
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Episode 351 â Strength and Courage
Today we have Tom. He is 47, from Bozeman, MT, and took his last drink on September 24, 2019.
CafĂ© REâs annual on-line conference called Regionals starts Friday 11/12-13/2021. This is a CafĂ© RE membersâ only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditations, and breakout rooms. Go to:
www.recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity for more info.
Highlights from Paul
Paul shares some helpful hints from listeners to develop a game plan for the holidays. There are 54 days left in 2021 and Paul is encouraging you to start now with your plan to ditch the booze.
1) Accountability â get an accountability partner. CafĂ© RE membersâ email: info@recoveryelevator.com with your name, age, location, male or female, and date of last drink and KMac will get you paired. If you are going somewhere for a holiday gathering, let the host know you wonât be drinking and ask them not to offer you any alcohol. 2) Stock up and treat yourself to AF beverages (+chocolate +ice cream). 3) Begin a new healthy practice that you enjoy, so your focus isnât on what you are giving up, but on doing more of something you enjoy.
Paul reminds us to practice new habits including listening to music when you get triggered. Listen to some of Paulâs favorites here: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/meditations/
If you find yourself overwhelmed with getting or staying sober, remind yourself that up until this moment, everything has worked out just fine. You donât have to have it all figured out. Nobody does. Your job is to keep moving forward and making progress. But not aimlessly. When we remove alcohol, we also remove the veil of illusion. At first this is lonely and scary. This allows us to be more authentic. Give this life reboot some time. Trust me. Trust yourself.
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[11:52] Tom took his last drink on September 24, 2019. He is 47, a surgical nurse and is married with two kids. He loves fly fishing, snowboarding, running, live music, hiking cooking, playing guitar and yo yoâs.
Tom came from a long history of drinkers. Tom was a victim of sexual assault and bullying. He didnât drink regularly until late high school/early college. He described never feeling comfortable in his own skin. Drinking helped him overcome that discomfort. Tomâs drinking ramped up in college. He also smoked pot and was never a normal drinker.
At age 30, Tom made a career change and went to nursing school with the goal of being a family man. He became a surgical nurse and has been in the field ever since. After moving to Bozeman, the effects of years of drinking started to take their toll. He drank to black out, drank and drove and hid his drinking. He quit once on his own for two months, then drank for another five years. After a difficult conversation with his wife, he quit drinking the next day.
Tom described living a double life because his behavior at work and at home were completely different.
Tom leveraged AA to help him quit drinking for good. He went to meetings daily, got a sponsor, embraced spirituality, worked the steps, and did what he was told.
Tom can be himself now. He loves his job; has become a leader and he is no longer depressed. His marriage and his relationship with his children is better. He is making new friends and repairing old relationships.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette discusses moving toward your values to give you a new framework to evaluate your life and your sobriety.
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Episode 350 â Whatâs up holidays?
Today we have Blazik. He is 28, from Kansas, and took his last drink on July 25,2021.
CafĂ© REâs annual on-line conference called Regionals starts 11/12-13/2021. This is a CafĂ© RE membersâ only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditations, and breakout rooms. Go to www. Recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity for more info.
Café RE just made a $5149 donation to the McShin Foundation. 10% of all Café RE monthly memberships go towards a nonprofit geared towards helping those affected by addiction. The McShin Foundation helps those struggling with addiction get access to detox facilities, sober living, transitional recovery houses and more. https://mcshin.org/
Highlights from Paul
Paul addresses the gauntlet of challenges coming up in the next sixty days, specifically Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Yearâs. The holidays often spike anxiety. Paul suggests itâs time to create a game plan to enjoy your first of many AF holidays.
Challenges create opportunities. There is an opportunity to rewrite the script and create a new norm for the holidays. There are opportunities for self-love, self-reflection, self-care and putting the self aside. There are also opportunities for connection. Building deeper human connections requires us to exercise our vulnerability muscles. This is an opportunity to be less reactive, go with the flow and practice mindfulness. It is also a great time to be of service and give without expecting anything in return. It is an opportunity to set boundaries with yourself, your loved ones, and people in the supermarket. There is also an opportunity of the unknown, a time of repose and perhaps a chance to address loneliness.
Paul believes you can do this. It starts with how you view it. Simply reframing challenges to opportunities is a great start. Lean in on this podcast, Café RE or whatever it takes so you do not go through this alone. Willpower is not enough to stay sober. Paul will provide more tools to help you build a game plan. This year is your opportunity to enjoy sober holidays.
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[9:47] Blazik took his last drink on July 25, 2021. He is 28, single and has his own podcast. He makes videos, music and is learning the guitar. He spends a lot of time burning energy with his dog so he can enjoy down time.
Blazik experienced anxiety through his childhood. He was high performing as an athlete and homecoming king. He acted like the person he wanted to be but was filled with anxiety. He drank to overcome anxiety and drinking made the feeling go away temporarily. Alcohol made him feel and act the way he wanted to. From age 17-27 he drank daily.
The effects of alcohol began to take their toll on him physically. He woke up regularly at 2-3AM with heart palpitations or anxiety attacks. He couldnât overcome the fatigue without drinking again. He listened to several episodes of the RE podcast and decided to explore not drinking. He went 38 days on his first attempt to get sober. He drank again and found himself drinking when he didnât want to, but he had to feel like himself. He loved the instant fix.
Blazik says that concerts, vibing and dancing are still fun AF, and you can remember the event! He is really enjoying learning to be present. He loves looking and stars and listening to music. He has learned that he doesnât need alcohol to be creative or to make music.
Krisâs Summary
Kris talks about control and rejection. If he lives for the approval of others, he will die from their rejection, and exhausted from the chase. He is working on being authentically himself and that he is enough.
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Episode 349 â The Inner Voice.
Today we have Tara. She is 37, from Canada, and took her last drink on February 20, 2019.
CafĂ© REâs annual on-line conference called Regionals starts 11/12-13/2021. This is a CafĂ© Re members only free event. This will include yoga, sound healing, meditation, and break outs rooms. Go to: www.recoveryelevator.com promo code: opportunity.
Highlights from Paul
Paul talks about his inner voice and how it failed him as he was trying to stack days in early sobriety. Inner narration can tell you in your own voice that it is okay to drink. Itâs a subconscious voice. Paul advises that the first step is to be aware of the voice. Then you need to create distance between that voice and the first drink. Inner narration isnât you, itâs a bundle of thoughts. Over time, you can let the space build between the thought and the drink so you can change your thinking. Gaze at the stars, look up and take a breath.
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[10:37] Odette welcomes Tara
Tara took her last drink February 20, 2019. She lives in Montreal and has learned to enjoy life â everything she does is for fun. She is a voice actress and podcaster.
Tara described her relationship with alcohol as a product of self-loathing and rejecting herself. She took her first drink at 12. She was well adjusted and had her needs met at the time. She didnât drink again until 15 when she was unhappy, depressed and feeling alienated. Alcohol filled a need to replace herself. A major shift happened when she was 18 and she took her drinking to another level â drinking in the morning and drinking alone. Alcohol became her primary relationship until she got sober. Alcohol was linked with everything she did. She had a lot of self-pity and thought the world was against her. She felt like she belonged at the bottom. Pain felt normal, like home.
Tara went to 12 different inpatient rehabs. She would start to feel better and didnât know how to deal with feeling better. Learning to care for herself emotionally was a big challenge. Even some basic tasks were a challenge. She escaped through relationships with men or would obsess about her looks to avoid facing herself.
She took pride in not being a good person. She became a villain in her own story. She put her family and friends through a lot. She relapsed frequently and made false promises to herself and other people. She is amazed her family is still supporting her recovery. During her last stay in rehab, she was there for 12 days and had to leave because she had been so many times. Post rehab she went through the motions and went to meetings, got a sponsor, and did the things she was told to do without running the show. Her parents breathalyzed her which helped her become accountable.
Early recovery was a challenge. Tara felt like a fraud and didnât have confidence in her own ability not to relapse. Her brain was in a constant frenzy, and she had a partner who was struggling with addiction. She felt privileged to be able to do full time recovery for several months. She has learned to have a sense of humor about cravings or crazy thoughts. She focuses now on how she shows up in the world. She has expanded her spiritual practice and is learning to be consistent. Tara has learned to enjoy her own company. Her goal is to show up in her life in a way she can be proud of every day.
Odetteâs Summary
What does bravery mean to you? You can choose to ride or not ride a roller-coaster. The brave choice is the one that rings true to you; the choice that aligns with your values, inner knowing and truth. Choosing to live an alcohol-free life is a huge act of bravery. Sobriety can be lonely, but bravery means standing up for yourself and advocating yourself, even when peers may pressure you to do otherwise.
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Episode 348 â We donât plug in.
Today we have Kerry. She is 31, from Philadelphia, and took her last drink on January 2,2021.
Recovery Elevator is going to be Denver Colorado at the Hilton Garden inn at Union Station. New Dates: March 31 â April 2. Register: https://www.recoveryelevator.com/denver/
Paul will be teaching a ukulele 101 course in February 2022. https://recoveryelevator.com/events
Highlights from Paul
Humans donât plug in like a phone with a charger, however we do recharge. In the 21st century we are pulled in many different directions. Addictions are adaptive behaviors that manifest in unhealthy, stressful environments, especially when we are running on empty.
Paul offers some practical ways for us to recharge including go barefoot on the earth/grass, eat live foods 2x a day, eat less frequently, sleep more, nap, read a good book, socialize with other sober people, get out in nature, do something that brings you joy, and JOMO (joy of missing out) â skip those stressful events. Recharging takes practice. Remind yourself that it is a gift you are giving yourself.
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[11:30] Odette welcomes Kerry
Kerry took her last drink January 2, 2021. She is a registered dietician, is married and has two cats. Her side hustle includes several books and mocktails. See: https://thesoberdietitians.com/ Instagram:thesoberdieticians
Kerry didnât start drinking until college. She did drink wine. She was given an opportunity to write a mocktail book with her friend, Diana for pregnant women. As with many, her drinking increased in 2020. She was drinking daily.
Kerry read a lot about the rise of alcohol use during the pandemic. She and her friend, Diana were writing their 2nd book and began linking alcohol and health. Kerry started looking at her own relationship with alcohol. She completed a 30-day AF challenge. She returned to drinking but drank mindfully. She and Diana completed another 30-day challenge together. They explored several AF options. Diana quit drinking entirely and Kerryâs drinking diminished. Kerry celebrated a friendâs engagement with champagne and that was her last drink. She learned so much about alcohol as an author and realized she didnât need alcohol anymore.
Kerry didnât love the feeling that came with drinking alcohol. She realized that she couldnât accomplish as much when she was hungover. She also realized how prevalent alcohol is on TV or in movies. We normalize problematic drinking.
She and her husband have enjoyed taking the sober curious journey together. She misses red wine and pumpkin beer and hasnât found a great AF alternative to either yet. She is tempted to return to drinking, but her current plan is to stay AF. She served AF options including a signature mocktail at her wedding.
Kerry has become aware that ethanol is a carcinogen and has become more mindful about the ramifications of drinking while pregnant. She is concerned that we promote red wine as being heart healthy when we canât measure how much of the antioxidants enter the body. She has made great connections with the sober and sober curious people on social media.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette has been sober for nearly three years. She recognizes she is imposing a fair number of expectations on herself specific to what her recovery should look like. She encourages us not to beat ourselves up. Use the tools that are working for you.
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Episode 347 â Can you heal in the same environment you became sick?
Today we have Frank. He is 42, from Omaha, and took his last drink on May 22,2021.
Recovery Elevator is going to be Denver Colorado at the Hilton Garden inn at Union Station April 14th- 17th. Registration goes live this Friday, October 15th. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/denver/
Highlights from Paul
Can you heal in the same environment you became sick in? Yes, but you canât use the same consciousness or thinking that got you into the mess in the first place. There is a line that goes, when you quit drinking you donât have to change much, you have to change everything. The key is, not all at once. Paul describes three critical changes: awareness, boundaries and staying in the body (donât disassociate).
You are gaining strength. Adversity makes you stronger. You are healing and as you heal, those around you will heal as well.
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[10:38] Odette welcomes Frank
Frank to his last drink May 22, 2021. He is married with two children, and he works in medical staffing. He is a foodie, loves sports and playing guitar.
Frank started drinking in high school. It was a rite of passage at the time. He never had an off switch and could always outdrink everyone else. His tolerance increased. In his mid 30âs he noticed the hangovers getting worse and he was eating shame meals. By his 40âs the hangovers lasted two days and it wasnât fun.
Frank was never a violent drunk. He was a raging jerk during recovery because he felt so terrible. His hangovers became progressively worse. He could barely get water down. Frank was good at covering up his drinking. He was sober for 30 days a few years ago and celebrated with a drink. His drinking progressed from there.
Frankâs turning point came during his anniversary dinner when his withdrawal symptoms were so intense, he was shaking, sweating, felt faint and nauseous. He knew something had to change; he wrote a four-page letter to his wife, spoke with his counselor, and found Recovery Elevator. His Dad and his brother were good sources during early recovery as they are both in recovery. Listening to podcasts and playing the tape forward helped.
Managing through sober âfirstsâ this year (college football, golf, concerts, 3-day weekends) has been a win.
A self-described weekend warrior, Frank enjoyed the sensation of alcohol, but never drank to escape anything; he just wanted to fit in. He used koozie cup holders to avoid questions from his drinking buddies.
He is now open about his recovery and his friends and family check in regularly and have let him know how proud they are of him. He now observes others drinking to excess and is relieved he doesnât have to do that anymore.
Frank said his relationships are all positive. He loves waking up rested and he appreciates the memories he is creating with his kids. Frank and his wife are doing better.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette reminds us, âwe are doing thisâ. Alcohol works until it doesnât. It dims the good and the bad. Learning to stay present during uncomfortable moments give us an opportunity to grow.
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Episode 346 â There is no manual
Today we have Kathryn. She us 58, from North Dakota, and took her last drink on February 19, 2002.
Highlights from Odette
There is no manual for recovery. We have tools, guidance, but no guaranteed formula for success. Learning to manage that uncertainty can be challenging, but it's normal. Be gentle with yourself and others.
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[07:18] Kris welcomes Kathryn Burgum, the First Lady of North Dakota. Kathryn has over 19 years of sobriety.
Kathrynâs first drink was at age 8. There was lots of alcohol in her household and her parents were regular drinkers. In high school, Kathryn struggled with anxiety and depression; drinking was her nirvana because it gave her some relief. She had her first blackout in high school, and they continued for twenty years.
Kathryn experienced many consequences due to her drinking; the loss of self-respect was at the top of her list. Getting a DUI pushed her to begin recovery.
Kathryn made several deals with herself about regulating her drinking. She never kept those promises, because if she thought about drinking, she did. The only choice she had was to start drinking âŠ. In the end, she lost the choice about drinking.
As Kathrynâs drinking progressed, she was hung over every day. She was unable to control her drinking. When asked if she should be driving, she would respond that she was fine, because she didnât want people to think she had a problem with alcohol.
Kathryn worked in HR and drug tested employees. When she got a DUI, it was published in the local newspaper. Someone blew it up and posted it at work. The shame kept her from admitting her problem. She didnât want to ask for help because she was concerned about what others would think.
Kathryn recognized she was suicidal almost every time she drank; she had undiagnosed depression.
As a result of her DUI, she had to undergo a mandatory evaluation and went to outpatient treatment that was unsuccessful. She went to Mayo Clinic for ten days and stayed sober for two years. Over a period of 8 years, she quit and relapsed several times.
Kathrynâs turning point came when she was walking and asked, âIs there anybody out there? If there is, I need help.â She has been sober ever since. Slowly recovery became her life. She found a community, began feeling better, and engaged a recovery coach. She credits recovery with saving her life.
Kathryn now takes medication for her depression, reads meditations daily and connects with her God.
When her husband, Gov. Doug Burgum, announced that he wanted to run for governor, she had some concerns. They had candid conversations about boundaries during the campaign.
Kathryn made a conscious decision to talk about her recovery because of the opioid crisis and it became a platform she and her husband share. Recovery Reinvented is an annual free conference.
Every week Kathryn has an opportunity to help someone who is struggling with addiction. Helping others helps her stay sober. After 8 years of relapse, she was losing hope. Through faith she knows there is always hope for sobriety and recovery.
Recovery Reinvented 2021 is on 10/25/21. Register to attend in person or online. www.recovery reinvented.com.
Krisâs Summary
What could your voice do? We donât know the impact that comes with sharing our experience. Iâm over the stigma; I am here to grow.
First Lady Kathryn Burgum can be found: Facebook (@FirstLadyND & @RecoveryND), Twitter (@FirstLadyND & @Recovery_ND), and Instagram (@firstladynd). Prior Recovery Reinvented speakers, award recipients, and segments can be found at www.youtube.com/recoveryreinvented.
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Episode 345â The Neuroscience of Addiction Part II
Today we have Stacy Jo, she is 34 years old, from Oregon and took her last drink on March 6, 2020.
Highlights from Paul
Paul wants to know your interest in a alcohol-free Ukulele 101 course. If you are interested please email info@recoveryelevator.com.
Paul provides part 2 of highlights of a podcast with Rich Roll speaking with Dr. Anna Lembke. Rich Roll Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP0CEgvOw.
Dr. Lembke talks about how itâs a known fact that when we are in our addiction, we canât accurately see the consequences or whatâs taking place. With abstinence, we can look back and say, OH MY
The interview focuses a lot on dopamine and why addiction has been on the rise for 30 years. Being smart or highly educated doesnât make you immune to addiction, in fact, it might even backfire because you think you know everything. More than 1/2 the world's deaths, under the age of 50, are attributable to addiction. Rates of alcoholism have gone up 50% for those aged 65 and up from the late 90âs to today and have gone up 80% in women. Traditionally the rates for alcoholics were 5:1 for men to women. With Millennials, itâs now 1:1. There are more burdens on women now than ever.
Dr. Lemke recommends a 30 day dopamine fast. But a huge warning of withdrawals for alcohol and benzodiazepines. How to do this? Well, weâve got 345 episodes now on the HOW, but the trick is to go into the pain. Head into the storm (episode 341) and Forgive yourself.
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[12:41] Stacy Jo took her last drink on March 6, 2020. She lives in Eugene, OR. with her partner of 15 years. Her primary hobby is anything that has to do with yarn. She has worked in the restaurant industry for 20 years until the pandemic hit, she recently was just at the University of Oregon.
Around the age of 20, after a breakup and miscarriage, Stacy Jo feels there was a switch in her drinking. That was the same time her service industry career normalized and it all went hand in hand.
In 2018 Stacy Jo started some serious attempts to quit drinking but it wasnât until the beginning of the pandemic in 2020 that she was able to get good footing.
Stacy Jo joined Café RE when she was around 4 months sober and says she did it as a reward for herself.
She says her partner hated her drinking, and that it became a pretty big division between the two of them. Stacy Jo also got a Driving While Ability Impaired (right below a DUI) when she was 28.
She feels like she slept the 1st three months of sobriety. She treated herself like a toddler and allowed herself to sleep and snack.
Stacy Jo is grateful for the pandemic and her restaurant shutting down. It allowed her to get away from the normalcy that is part of the service industry and to have the space to get on solid ground.
She does not get cravings any longer, but says she is not so cocky to say that she wonât again.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette reminds us that change starts with us. Recovery is our responsibility.
Remember you are not alone and together is always better.
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Episode 344â The Neuroscience of Addiction
Today we have Bill. He is 61, from Alabama, and took his last drink on April 29, 2021.
Events. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/events/ Ditch the Booze starts 9/21 at 8 PM EST.
Highlights from Paul
Paul provides part one of highlights of a podcast with Rich Roll speaking with Dr. Anna Lembke. Rich Roll Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP0CEgvOw.
âPersons with severe addictions are among those contemporary prophets that we ignore to our own demise for they show us who we truly are.â Dr. Lembke says that drinking is not a choice but seeking help for an addiction is a choice.
The interview focuses a lot on dopamine and why addiction has been on the rise for 30 years. American society and economy are focused on an insatiable pursuit of pleasure. Todayâs marketers target the dopamine system; thus, we all struggle to find homeostasis. Addiction can show up as alcohol, social media, food, etc. Addiction is a low-grade discomfort we all have as humans. She believes we are all wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain, which works in an environment of scarcity, not our current state of abundance.
Paul reminds us we canât study or think our way out of addiction. Community is key!
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[11:43] Bill took his last drink on April 29, 2021. He enjoys hiking, movies, sports, windsurfing, reading, and spending time with family and friends.
Bill started drinking as a teenager. He knew at spring break 30 years ago that he was a problem drinker. He drank and got buzzed every five years but wasnât addicted. Thirty years later, Billâs wife left, and he started drinking liqueur in the evening. He slowly became addicted, and he drank every night.
When Bill hit rock bottom, he found himself broke, living in an extended stay hotel. He scraped the floor of his room and his car to get enough money to buy a few shots.
In 2020, he joined Recovery Elevator and was a lurker until 2021.
Bill still has cravings and practices âdoing 30 thingsâ to keep him from drinking. If the cravings continue, he goes to bed. Loneliness is Billâs biggest trigger. Ice cream and cookies also get him through.
Bill said everything got better when he stopped drinking. He is back in the gym and loves waking up without a hangover. His medications work better. The community of Café RE is crucial to Bill, and he is led and inspired by others in RE. He loves being of service and is grateful to the suggestions of others that helped him when he wanted to drink.
Bill credits Tim Groverâs books, Relentless and Winning, with changing his mindset. His takeaway was getting âobsessedâ with sobriety. Meditation helps his anxiety and cravings.
A friend of Billâs told him his greatest flaw was that he didnât like himself. He described how the âI suckâ mentality brought him down. Bill made considerable strides in self-love since he quit drinking. He listens to a podcast called Unbeatable Mind and has learned to say âI love youâ to himself daily, over and over. Bill believes having an accountability partner is critical to his success.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette shared about a CafĂ© RE member who shared at the Bozeman retreat. The person said, âfor a long time, I thought I didnât matter, that my existence didnât matter. I recognize that I matter, I belong, and I can make an impact.â
Odette reminds us, we all matter. We help each other become better and to heal. We remind each other of our value. The power of community is vital because it is rooted in love and non-judgment and a firm belief that we are whole. We are whole, even when we stumble.
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Episode 343 â A Brief History of Alcoholism and Treatment
Today we have Charlie. He is 35, from Missouri and took his last drink on July 7, 2020.
Events. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/events/ Ditch the Booze 9/21 ; Regionals 11/12-14; Costa Rica (1/15-23). https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/
Highlights from Paul
Addiction is a modern phenomenon. Alcohol has been around for centuries. Early âtreatmentâ of alcoholics included being jailed, tortured, and often executed for being possessed by demons. As treatment has evolved, we are moving toward FLOW states. Our mental energies are redirected from addiction toward creating healthier neural connections. In the 1930âs, alcoholism was classified as a fatal medical condition. In 1935 Bill W co-founded AA. In 1949 the Hazelden Foundation was born, thus creating our modern-day rehab and treatment structures. https://www.cornerstoneofrecovery.com/a-history-of-addiction-and-addiction-treatment/
Fortunately, people are recovering from alcoholism because the stigma is softening, and people are recognizing this is more a disease of disconnection and lack of community. Check out this video of the Recovery Elevator Bozeman retreat. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFoqj3xeFUI
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[16:09] Charlie took his last drink on July 7, 2020He has been to 54 different treatment He just wrote a memoir. He writes, blogs, and enjoys experiencing life.
Charlieâs mom passed away when he was 13. He didnât know how to handle his emotions, so he turned to substances. The emotional damage compounded over the years.
Charlieâs drinking was a result of unresolved grief and trauma, emotional damage from a succession of stepmothers, and lack of success as an actor. Charlie drank and used drugs. In 2017, his health became an issue. He started exploring detox and learned about alcoholism. In 2019 he was in his 15th IOP program, but still wasnât surrendering.
He had to go back to Lincoln to address some legal issues. He relapsed several times; he was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. In June of 2020, he was receptive to love and faith from his higher power. He decided to implement what he learned at the facilities he experienced. He relapsed again, but in July he realized alcohol wasnât working for him.
Charlie maintained a job through most of his addiction which provided insurance and access to treatment. He was privileged and knows he had access to therapists and treatment modalities many donât. He did build up a lot of medical debt.
Charlie overcomes cravings or negative emotions with music, cleaning, calling friends, visiting family. He also journals and meditates. He has learned to listen to his emotions and ask, what do you need?
Cognitively Charlie processed his trauma in treatment. He didnât process the trauma emotionally or spiritually until he had been sober for a few months. Once he processed the trauma, he learned to love himself and heal the emotional trauma. His relationships with his dad and his sister evolved in an amazing way.
Charlie began writing in 2018 but continued drinking until 2020. His book has provided some built-in accountability. https://www.amazon.com/At-Least-Not-Frog-Alcoholism-ebook/dp/B09B5MFT1X/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_pb_opt?ie=UTF8
Charlie is a fan of gratitude list and believes that gratitude+humility=happiness. He loves travel from beach to mountains and is grateful he can remember his adventures.
Odetteâs Summary
Grateful Snacking is a company that makes delicious and healthy snacks to support our journey in recovery. Grateful snacking - https://gratefulsnacking.com/
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Episode 342 â Do Your Part
Today we have Michael. He is 43, from N. Georgia and took his last drink on January 1, 2020.
Registration for Costa Rica (January 15-23) is open. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/
Highlights from Paul
Paul discusses three elements that are critical to doing your part in recovery. Paul believes self-respect, self-love, and well-being are fundamental to healing. Doing the work is essential, and it eventually becomes embodied in your circuitry. Over time, we retrain the brain to stop self-harming with alcohol, pop tarts, and disrespect from others.
The state of our world reflects our lack of connection with ourselves, our planet, and our community. He believes a tipping point is upon us. We can help the world by fixing our internal environment, our inner pollution that results in external contamination - that is our part. The inner work (i.e., letting go of resentments) benefits others as well.
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[11:01] Michael took his last drink on January 1, 2020. He is from 43, married, and has two kids. He is a graphic designer and enjoys painting, drawing, playing music, and running.
Michael started drinking in high school. He drank to fit in and didnât really like alcohol. He trained himself to drink. He used alcohol to celebrate, and it felt good. He now realizes he was trying to become somebody he wasnât. In college, alcohol was everywhere, and he drank almost daily. Michael noticed early on his drinking was an issue.
Post-college, Michael didnât want the party to stop. Free booze was a great excuse to overindulge. Alcohol and celebration went hand in hand for Michael. He began moderating when his children were about to be born. Over time, Michael continued to try moderation, and the voice in his head continued getting louder. He started looking at pictures from events he attended and realized there was no joy in his eyes because he wasnât present for his own life. Accepting love was a real challenge for Michael. He quit drinking for an entire year but gradually returned to drinking. Michael now believes sobriety represents his authentic self, and thatâs why he had to train himself to drink. Podcasts and the book âThis Naked Mindâ helped him understand addiction. Michael discovered Recovery Elevator, signed up and became part of the community.
Recovery is fantastic for Michael. He doesnât need alcohol to be himself, confident, present, feel his feelings, true joy, true love, and his life is greater than he imagined it would be. He embraces his inner light and beauty as a human being. He loves his wife and his family and appreciates his RE tribe, who understand what itâs like to cope with addiction.
Michael talks to someone in recovery every day. He focuses on exercise, working the steps, and writing music to support his recovery.
Krisâ Summary
Kris spoke about learning the scientific reasons for addiction when he was in treatment. He needed to understand that addiction was about more than poor personal choices. Kris believes you canât intellectualize your way out of addiction. Kris attended his first sober meet-up six weeks after he left treatment. He witnessed what âfun in sobrietyâ looks like. A gathering of strangers came together to learn to live the life we were meant for can be fun and much more satisfying than addiction. The healing spirit is amazing. Shifting the energy we used to put into drinking toward a greater goal: personal growth, showing up for others and community. Kris appreciates everyone he has encountered in the RE community. I am here; I am whole. Feel it. Believe it!
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Episode 341 â Head into the storm
On todayâs podcast weâve got Britt, she is 45, from California and she took her last drink on November 13, 2018.
Registration for Costa Rica (January 15-23) opens Wednesday 9/1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/
Highlights from Paul
Solving human problems can be discovered in nature. Lone bison run away from storms in the opposite direction. Humans run away from cravings and tough life challenges. Packs of bison walk through the storm together, shoulder to shoulder. They know the quickest way to weather the storm is through. Itâs vital that we work alongside others to weather the storm of addiction. Facing the storm together is fun.
[6:52] Paul shares a great story about his adventures with Britt and how much he admires how she has embraced her AF journey. Paul loves how Britt burned the ships and showed how invigorating life can be sans alcohol.
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[09:54] Britt took her last drink November 13, 2018. She loves the outdoors, hiking and music.
Britt had a slow burn into active addiction. She struggled with depression and agoraphobia in her teens. When she hit 30, she lost 100 pounds. Losing that much weight is a challenge. Drinking helped her deal with those emotions. She quit drinking after the loss of a friend and white knuckled for over a year. She went back to drinking, but it progressed. Reviewing her journals helped her to see she made multiple attempts to quit and moderate. She made a geographic change hoping for a cure. She believed her rock bottom came when she was drinking daily, then she went to work for a liquor store while looking for full time work. Cognitive dissonance was in play for two years, and she never gave up. While listening to podcasts, she tried a 30-day solution and it stuck.
Britt found that drinking gave her a tiny feeling of satisfaction that ultimately turned into shame and loathing. Control has been a theme that she is continuing to explore. Once she was able to stack some days, she leveraged journaling and Café RE retreats. Meeting other people who were also ditching the booze inspired a new level of accountability that worked. Personal integrity helped her to honor her commitment to quit drinking. Britt learned that she leveraged food, exercise, and relationships to soothe herself. Now she explores new parks or trails. Meditation has been instrumental to her sobriety. Addiction has humbled Britt, softened her relationships, and opened her to more meaningful connections.
[42:17] Britt shares a powerful journal entry. Addiction isnât in a place, and neither is recovery. There is freedom in that.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette reminds listeners that her life is messy with ups, downs, good and bad days. Keep showing up and remember you help others by showing up.
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Episode 340 â Give yourself a break
On todayâs podcast weâve got Mike, he is 36, from Fort Worth, TX and he took his last drink on September 20, 2020.
Highlights from Paul
We are incredibly hard on ourselves. The point of this episode is to give us permission to let much of that go, and to move the needle slightly on how you view yourself and the drinking.
Hating yourself for drinking, for not being able to quit drinking, for not holding the promises made to yourself, etc. isnât productive. The shame and guilt that accompany those statements isnât either.
Dr. Gabor Mate congratulates someone who experienced depression. Why? Because depression and anxiety are mechanisms that kick in for us to go internal and find ourselves. Give yourself a break if you experience addiction, anxiety, or depression. Use them as levers to learn to know and love yourself.
Check out Paulâs YouTube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2mVZadRTkA&t=1s
Paul suggests not making self-love conditional or transactional. He also suggests finding healthier coping strategies. They are infinite.
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[12:44] Mike took his last drink on September 20, 2020. He is married and expecting a baby boy.
Mikeâs drinking began in high school. His drinking progressed from a 12 pack of Coors Light to 2 12 packs of white claws a day. In his late twenties, he started logging his drinks on his calendar. He got married and hoped his behavior would change. He could go for a few months without drinking but was a dry drunk. He was very focused on being manly and Mikeâs version of that meant he struggled being honest with himself and others. It was difficult to admit he had a problem. On the outside, things seemed fine. He was functional, but Mikeâs identity was in the approval of others and how he was viewed by the world.
He quit his job to enter rehab and entered a faith base rehab program. When he returned, he was more prideful and selfish than ever before, and his marriage deteriorated. He relapsed and projected his self-pity and hate onto his wife. He knew he would drink himself to death or swallow his pride and admit himself to another rehab.
Mike entered one of the toughest rehabs in the country. There he learned the root cause of his drinking was about unresolved childhood trauma. Mike was physically taken care of, but his family emotional model taught him not to show weakness. In rehab, he was taught the 5 whyâs model to deal with his unprocessed issues.
Mike starts his day with coffee and prayer. Heâs in the best shape of his life and tries to treat his body as a temple. He consistently and constantly surrenders every day. He has learned to be well versed in apologizing and forgiving. Mike says itâs not easy, but pride doesnât go with you when you die.
Mike now defines being a man as being humble. He talks about his feelings and tries to treat people the best that he can. Mike is helping others through his Instagram channel. Find him @fathfullysober.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette shared a passage from Melody Beattie.
Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen.
Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do much more than our part. We overstep the boundaries from caring and doing our part into controlling, caretaking, and coercing. Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn't work. By overextending ourselves to make something happen, we may be stopping it from happeningâŠ
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Episode 339 â Does addiction serve a purpose?
On todayâs podcast weâve got Nate, he is 39, from Ohio and he took his last drink on October 9, 2015.
If you like the Recovery Elevator podcast, please leave us a review on iTunes and help eradicate the stigma.
My favorite part of RE is back. And I hope to see you at an upcoming event. Weâve got Costa Rica January 15-23 and then weâre in Denver Colorado April 14th -17th.
Highlights from Paul
Is addiction a disease or not? Paul says that addiction isnât a disease, but a learned behavior that expresses itself in unhealthy environments. In unhealthy, traumatic, or lonely environments, we develop adaptive behaviors such as excessive drinking to help us cope. Check out Paulâs thoughts in more detail in the following video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKY4l7ez5pw&t=35s
Crossing the river of addition means letting go of our resentments, fears, anxieties, jealousies, attachments, and choose love. If you ride that wave of pain long enough, it will give you two choices: life or death. Thanks to the stigma which helps keep paradigms in check, we label ourselves dysfunctional, or broken. Addictions represent things that need deep healing.
People in recovery understand that love and acceptance is more important than you should be wearing a mask, or you should get vaccinated⊠and if you donât, weâre no longer friends. We work together for one common goal. The rest of society is not equipped with the tools and emotional intelligence to do so.
Addictions are wake up calls. Invitations, to step into your true authentic self. Addictions give us the fast track to see that love always wins. We get there by seeing whatâs not working in life. I think an addiction exists to push us back to source. To creation. To love and light.
I encourage you to stop labeling your drinking problem as bad because itâs not. And that a major waste of time energy.
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[13:11] Nate took his last drink 10/9/2015. He grew up in Ohio in a traditional Midwest family with a family. He started drinking at an early age to fit in and numb some insecurities. He realized he was gay at an early age, needed to accept himself in an environment that didnât include role models or peers.
He recognized consequences on drinking early on with a DUI and fights at parties. When he graduated from college, his drinking shifted from social drinking to misery drinking. Nate described an era of drinking and when it became problematic. He was able to cling to career success, a great work ethic and worked in the restaurant business in a management role. He worked from home, which fed his disease. He took micro naps after starting his morning with vodka and chardonnay to continue working. He began regressing and turning inward. Nate avoided sharing his secrets. He came out to friends in high school. He lived an open life in college. It was a ten-year period before he was living an open life.
He remembers waking up with a stiff neck and that continued for several weeks. While visiting his sister, he fell to the ground, his body went limp, he lost his vision. He had a stroke at age 32 because of his drinking. The doctors didnât ask many questions about his drinking. He spent 6 weeks in the ICU and had to learn to walk and learn to use his extremities again. His vision returned. They asked no questions about addiction, alcohol, or drugs. While in the hospital he thought daily about his first drink when he left the hospital and he stopped at the liquor store for champagne on his way home. He continued drinking after his stroke.
His best friend went into treatment, and she modeled the attraction of sobriety for him. He remembers catching himself in the mirror and he paused wondering where the last 15 years went. His sister took him to a treatment center 30 minutes later. Nate believes being able to make the decision himself and not be forced into it was important for his success. He has been entrenched in 12 Step recovery since.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette described recovery as an opportunity, not a sacrifice. Creating and fostering a gratitude mindset can help you cross the bridge from being mad or sad that you canât drink anymore to one of gratitude. Odette has a gratitude practice she uses every day.
Remember you are not alone and together is always better.
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Episode 338 â Old Narratives
On todayâs podcast weâve got Rebecca she took his last drink on October 22, 2019, she is from Madison Wisconsin, and is 31 years old.
Finding Your Better You Highlights
When we donât know the root of our triggers, when we donât know the narratives that are ingrained in our brains and in our souls. We think something is wrong with us. And when we think something is wrong with us, we feel shame. Part of taking responsibility of your healing is knowing yourself, so that you can get outside of this shame cycle and can walk the bridge over to self-empathy. When I know myself better, I can zoom out and see what was happening in my mind, understand myself better and allows me to manage my relationships differently. This makes me navigate my cravings better, because mine come when I feel this belief of, I am not considered.
Look within and find some narratives that are living inside of you? Stories that live in the past, yet they are being perpetuated in your present life. We can re-write those stories. But only until we detect them.
Insights from Rebeccaâs Journey
[09:18] Kris introduces Rebecca. Rebecca began drinking at age 14 and she hated it. She was afraid of drinking because her dad was in law enforcement. She noticed a shift in her drinking at age 25. In 2011, her dad went to prison and that trauma had a huge impact on her life. She was also a victim of domestic violence. She thanks alcohol for getting her through terrible times and for the life she has now. Rebeccaâs drinking became all day drinking because she was isolated, alone, and bored. She would binge drink to soothe loneliness. She was falling apart, other than work.
She began listening to recovery podcasts and reached out to her employee assistance office. She entered a therapy group that helped with alcohol addiction and trauma. She was holding on some trauma from her past that became an excuse for drinking. She was stuck in a Day 1 cycle and a shame cycle. She went to rehab and detoxed from alcohol and Xanax. It was a very structured program that gave her some tools.
Learning to connect was important for Rebecca. She leaned in heavily on AA and found a local community of sober women. She is now very engaged with CafĂ© RE which has helped keep her sober. She constantly evaluates her program. She continues to suffer from anxiety and depression, but she isnât alone anymore. She really wants to give back and is now able to do so. She always challenges the narrative recognizing that a bad day can be turned around. Rebecca said, keep it simple!
Krisâ Message
Kris is celebrating four years of continuous sobriety. He shared a quote from Marianne Williamson, âOur greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be? Playing small does not serve the world. We born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. As we let our own light shine, we give others permission to do the same.â Take some time to recognize the work you are doing. Resist the urge to minimize yourself. You are a gift to this world. You deserve happiness.
It all starts from the inside out.
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Episode 337 â The canary in the mine.
I was open with people about my decision. I put myself out there to create a level of accountability.
Today we have Katie. She is 38, from Ohio and took her last drink July 12, 2020. This is her story of living Alcohol Free (AF).
Events!
Alcohol-free travel is back! Recovery Elevator is going to Costa Rica January 15th-23rd and you should join us. Weâve got space for 34 AF rock stars, registration opens Sept 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/
You can find more information about our eventsâŻhere.
Paulâs Intro
Native cultures believed that a sick person is like the canary in the mine and itâs the sick person who represents an imbalance in the community. Or that something is off. They also believed this person should be thanked for raising the alarm that something needs to be corrected within a community. Almost like, yo, thank you for taking one for the team.
So Contrary to todayâs culture where mental illness, autoimmune disorders, and addictions are prevalent and on the rise, these environmental conditions were rare in most cultures prior to modern times. So this is what native cultures did when there was a sick canary in the community. The whole tribe came together to help this person because they knew they were all connected, that they were all one. The entire community would shoulder the cost to bring in healers from other tribes. All these ceremonies were different of course, but from I can deduce the two main commonalities were this: Music and dancing. For at least 3-4 days.
Okay, letâs tie this into alcohol. Itâs in my opinion those who struggle with a drinking problem are the canaries in the mines. Side note, I was the canary in the mine in the Canary islands. I went to this set of islands located off the northwest coast of Africa in 2007 and was drunk and hungover for the whole trip. I donât remember much from that trip, but I recall popcorn being my lifeline one afternoon because thatâs all I could. Thatâs how hungover I was. And fun facts about Canaries, yes they do come from the Canary islands. They have yellow feathers, and occasionally eat jalapeños. Fun fact about Paul. I also occasionally eat jalapeños. We are covering some ground today team.
So in 2021, there have never been more sick canaries, and if we donât ALL address this, then weâre toast as a species.
When I say we ALL need to address this, I mean problematic and normal drinkers. As in addiction/mental health is an external manifestation that something is highly out of balance internally with our species. This imbalance affects everyone. This is okay, itâs how we grow and evolve.
The good news isâŠ. The Canary can heal. It will heal. You, if youâre listening to this podcast in hopes of quitting drinking, are the canary, and you will heal, just keep at it.
So how does the canary heal? I firmly believe there is no select methodology, or doctrine to follow. There is no right or wrong way to ditch the booze. There are infinite ways⊠But, there is one massive commonality.
Ditching the booze in 21st century doesnât quite look like 3 full nights of ceremonial dancing under a full moon with the whole community anymore, but there are similarities.
Letâs first check out what you donât hear when someone celebrates and alcohol-free milestone.
âWell, guys, I knew I was âfuckedâ so I locked myself in my room, read every quit lit book, listened to podcasts, learned how the mind works, and beat it.â Iâve yet to hear that one. Nothing even close.
What you do hear is, âIâd like to thank my best friend susan, my mom and dad, my AF community, my dog, the big oak tree in my back yard (Thatâs an HP reference), and all my friends who were in my corner the whole time.â Or âI couldnât have done it without⊠Mike, Jim, Michelle Javier and my pet canary ralph.â Okay, I think thatâs the last canary reference.
So, what does this mean? Letâs get to the point. 1. You canât do this alone, and 2. You need community. This could be a close group or friends who know your desire to quit drinking, AA, CafĂ© RE, counselors etc. Ships need to be burned, or conversations with loved ones need to take place. Accountability is desperately needed. Even if youâre not, and Iâm using air quotes, âsuccessfulâ with your decision to quit drinking, youâre still developing tighter bonds and relationships in your life. According to Sebastian Junger, in his Book âTribeâ in times of crisis, people are wired to come together and help. This isnât a kind gesture from our friends, and family, or even completely strangers; itâs biologically how we are wired. As I discussed in last episode, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin are released when we help others. So when a drinking problem reaches a pinnacle moment, and Iâd classify this as a crisis as it was for me in 2014, the people around us want to help. They need to help, itâs good for them. They need these feel good chemicals also. Denying the loved ones in your life the opportunity to help you, is doing them a disservice.
So if youâre ready to get off the merry round of hell, aka a drinking problem, two main things needs to happen. 1. You need to ask for help, 2. Receive the help. Most likely both are outside your comfort zone, and thatâs how itâs supposed to be. Let the drinking problem push you into connection. I feel thatâs the main point of an addiction. Yes, addiction, or drinking problem serves a purpose. Everything does. Thatâs the topic of 339. Does addiction serve a purpose? We must first become aware of the addiction. This is the first step in I think every program involving steps, and then, open up. Yes, open up. The addiction is trying to crack you open. To find a spot where the light can enter, if you allow it.
Letâs hear from Exact Nature.
[8:42] Odette welcomes Katie
Katie took her last drink July 12, 2020. She is excited about her one-year milestone and she feels free of the prison on alcohol. She is going sky-diving to celebrate. Katie said life is still hard, but she has freedom and clarity of mind without drinking. Katie is 38 and lives in NE Ohio. She has two sons. She is an executive assistant to a CEO for a large company. She loves all things fitness and reading.
[52:17] Rapid Fire Round
Sparkling water (lime flavor) with lots of ice and mint.
Freedom and time that come with not planning how you will get your next drink.
Donât overcomplicate it, drinking is overrated. You have more strength than you realize. Everything in life you want to accomplish will be easier without liquor. Having a clear head, mind and a simple life without the alcohol will be the beautiful things in your life.
You might need to say adios to booze if âŠ.
You stress months before the Christmas holiday about how you will cook the holiday meal and not drink all the wine in the house the night before.
Odetteâs Summary
Very well, team RE, that wraps our interview for today. Before I say adios I want to share something with you all. I asked all of YOU on our instagram a question that I normally ask in our podcast interview and I got some amazing responses. The prompt was: What would you say to your younger self?
Here is what some of you had to say:
WOW. What a list.
Remember that you are not alone, and together, is always better.
Recovery elevator, you deserve love, acceptance and belonging. We can do this.
Todayâs Sponsor
BetterHelp
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
The book, Alcohol is SH! T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!
âRecovery Elevator â Without the darkness you would never
know the light - I love you guysâ
Episode 336 - Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin
I need to admit myself somewhere. I could sit here until Iâm blue in the face and until I have some humility, this is not going to work.
Today we have Susan, sheâs 61, sheâs from Pennsylvania and took her last drink Nov 19th, 2017. This is her story of living Alcohol Free (AF).
Events!
Paulâs Intro
Today I will share information on the 4 main chemicals weâre dealing with when we ditch the booze. Iâm outline them, give a framework of how to work with these chemicals in a healthier way and a loose timeline of what to expect when you quit drinking and how these chemicals will come back into balance.
The four main players dance with an addiction are Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin.
Endorphins and dopamine are the chemicals of progress. Short-term feel-good chemicals. And Serotonin and oxytocin are the long-term chemicals.
Letâs cover the short-term molecules first: endorphins and dopamine
Endorphins - We often hear the word endorphins with exercise. And itâs true. This is the reason for the runners high. Endorphins have one purpose - to mask physical pain. Since the body doesnât distinguish the difference between physical and emotional pain very well, this is why running, or physical movement helps us emotionally when we arenât feeling good.
Dopamine - This is the molecule we are mostly engaged with when dealing with an addiction. This is more accurately described as the learning molecule. Dopamine is viewed as an incentive for progress. The good feeling, we get when we do something necessary for survival. Addictions highjack the dopamine system. Alcohol raises the dopamine in our brains by over 100-200% and cocaine raises it by 300%⊠temporarily. Then thereâs a major crash.
Dopamine is highly addictive, and it should be. Human beings walked thousands of miles over the ice shelf of eastern Asia to the Americas because of dopamine. The dopamine system worked great for humans, until the world modernized faster than the system could adapt. Alcohol completely over runs this system
Long-term chemicals - These chemicals control our long-term feelings.
Serotonin - The selfless chemical.
Oxytocin - The love molecule and the connection molecule.
Letâs cover how we can work with these as we ditch the booze and then Iâll give you a loose timeline of when these chemicals should start naturally emerging in your system again.
Endorphins - Keep running, keep gardening. This is a much healthier way to override the physical and emotional discomfort of quitting drinking. Also, laugh, laugh, laugh.
Dopamine - Itâs important we retrain the brain to release dopamine with other activities. Pick a short-term goal. Maybe itâs learning the guitar, maybe itâs finding a species of bird in the wild, or a snake. Science shows that a spike of dopamine is released when we help other people. Dopamine is a big reason weâve done this podcast 336 straight Mondayâs.
Once we have the dopamine system cued to healthier stimuli then within time serotonin starts to naturally emerge. With this comes a sense of belonging. If we stick with it long enough, oxytocin will emerge on the scene.
The long-term chemicals are contagious. This is why we love inspiring movies that motivate us to perform our own selfless acts. This is why we cheer people on at marathons or say heck yes when we hear someone has hit an AF milestone.
Hereâs a loose timeline for this:
Endorphins: within the first 24-72 hours.
Dopamine: within six months, depending on your habits.
Serotonin: 3-9 months.
Oxytocin: 6-12 months.
This is all given that youâre doing the work.
PAWS in recovery is post-acute withdrawal symptoms. I like to call them healing symptoms because itâs the body, mind, soul, and spirit recalibrating itself without alcohol. Trust the process, stick with it, we got your back.
Letâs hear from Betterhelp. betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR
[13:52] Odette welcomes Susan
Susanâs last drink was on November 19, 2017. She feels great and every year is better. Susan is 61 and single but was previously married. She has a daughter and two grandchildren. She is from Pennsylvania. She moved to Los Angeles and lived there for thirty years. She has also lived in Colorado and is now back on the East Coast. She works for a medical device company. She loves to read novels, cooking, exercise, the beach, bike riding and TV.
[15:49] Tell us about your history with drinking
Susan described 44 years of drinking. Her first drink was at age 14 and she would sneak drinks with friends. In high school she fell in love with the bad boy of the school and did a 360 in one day. She went from straight Aâs and first clarinet to a party girl. After her first pill and sips of beer, her inhibitions disappeared. She partied like everyone else. She married this bad boy very young, and they divorced at 21. She moved to California and got involved with another guy. They drank together with friends. She remarried and tried to clean up her home and life to have a family. Giving up weed was easy, but she struggled relinquishing wine. At 30,
she admitted herself to a treatment center called Schick for a weekend and participated in an intensive outpatient program (IOP). She went to a few AA meetings and was able to stay away from alcohol for four months. When she returned to drinking, her drinking progressed. She was raising her daughter, working and what many would describe as a functioning alcoholic. She drank nightly, but not a lot. Over the years, she made a few attempts to quit, tried counseling and AA again, but nothing was working. She decided to accept it for what it was because she didnât have the time to do what you must do to quit.
[21:19] What was the tipping point that made you enter treatment?
Susanâs father was an alcoholic, and she watched his drinking become progressive. She knew it could happen to her and didnât want to become like her father. The rest of her life was healthy. She exercised and ate healthy foods and wondered how long she could continue drinking. She described feeling like two people. She was Miss Goody Two-Shoes during the day and at night she was drinking.
Susan always had faith and knew that God was protecting her but didnât want to push the limits and hurt others. It took a while after that realization for her to attempt quitting. She had some false starts where she would try but wasnât ready. When her second grandchild was about to arrive, she knew she had to quit because she was fearful her first granddaughter would associate Mima with wine.
She spoke with her therapist and said she felt therapy was not enough and entered an intense outpatient program because she knew until she had some humility, it wouldnât work. Her IOP was very diverse and encountered many people with several stories. During IOP she would screw up every week. She admitted it and, on the 19th, she called her sister (who is in recovery) who calmed her down. Her sister mailed her a book called Acceptance* and she hasnât had a drink since. She described her moment of acceptance, surrender and her daily routine of prayer and meditation.
[31:22] What were the first 90 days like?
Susan described having time to focus on herself. She then took over as the nanny for her grandson and her daughter was able to trust her with the baby. She gradually returned to work with part-time work. At a year after she became sober, she returned to corporate America. It continued to get easier with time. She enjoyed podcasts. Her dog had some health issues yet survived for six months. When he passed, she was tempted to drink, but overcame the temptation. She tries to mix up her recovery with AA meetings, podcasts, and anything to keep it interesting. She loves CafĂ© RE because it gives her the flexibility of both worlds (AA and podcasts). She now has a strong desire to help others in recovery. The peace and freedom that comes with recovery has become the best way for her to live, she canât imagine anything better.
[40:21] What was behind drinking for you?
When looking at fears and resentments, she gained a new perspective. She realized that something else may have been going on in the moment. She learned to stop holding bad feelings and looking deep into the causes of certain things. She uncovers new things regularly. She is accepting, simplifying, and lowering her expectations. It took her years not to want more. She has more work to do and is open to the work.
[40:24] Do you still get cravings?
Susan doesnât get physical cravings but does have memory triggers. While Christmas shopping last year, the memory of having wine at Christmas came into her head. She did some thinking, played the tape forward and it passed quickly. She does have a fear of dating because she has been single through her recovery. Self-care or âme timeâ will remain a priority for her to maintain sobriety.
[47:11] What are your rituals in sobriety?
Susan gets up at 5 AM and reads a novel, then does her recovery reading including daily reflections and prayers. She frequently listens to podcasts. She watches to Joel Osteen regularly because he gives her hope that there are good people in this insane world. Susan is a listener in AA meetings, she is an optimist, and she learns from others. She has become a host for AA meetings and wants to give back.
[52:17] Rapid Fire Round
Sparkling water (lime flavor) with lots of ice and mint.
Freedom and time that come with not planning how you will get your next drink.
Donât overcomplicate it, drinking is overrated. You have more strength than you realize. Everything in life you want to accomplish will be easier without liquor. Having a clear head, mind and a simple life without the alcohol will be the beautiful things in your life.
You might need to say adios to booze if âŠ.
You stress months before the Christmas holiday about how you will cook the holiday meal and not drink all the wine in the house the night before.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette recently returned from Guadalajara and while she was there, she celebrated her fatherâs 12th sober birthday. They attended an AA meeting together and she heard him tell his story. She saw herself in his words. We all walk alongside each other. We the same lessons to learn, hurt to heal and joy to find. Seeing her dad as a parent and fellow in recovery was challenging, but she left the meeting hopeful that we are all human, doing the best that we can. Odette is grateful for the CafĂ© RE community that helps each other navigate the world, feel understood and gives us a sense of belonging.
Remember you are not alone. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
Todayâs Sponsor
BetterHelp
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
The book, Alcohol is SH! T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!
âRecovery Elevator â Without the darkness you would never
know the light - I love you guysâ
Barela took her last drink 42 days ago (at the time of this recording). This is her story of living alcohol free (AF).
A former Recovery Elevator interviewee, Jody, is hosting her own sobriety courses. This is called âThe Sobriety Shiftâ and is a 12-week transformational program for women for are already sober, but want to elevate their life. You can find out more information here.
From Paul: âAll emotions are created equalâ
You need all emotions to give you the barometer for good and bad or to define what emotion even is. Being able to feel both sides of the emotional spectrum is important. Some ying vs yang emotions are: Hope and fear, gratitude and anger, pride and shame, desire and repulsion, love and hate.
When we view all emotions as equal, we donât double down on them: we donât get mad that we are mad, or anxious that we are anxious. When you label an emotion as âbadâ you have a higher chance of drinking over them. By viewing them as equal to âgoodâ emotions all emotions are able to pass through us without being strengthened or intensified. Everything has a purpose to help us evolve.
Todayâs show is sponsored by Betterhelp.
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 1,000,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
[12:10] Odette introduces Barela.
Barela is 43 years old and from Salt Lake City, UT. She is a mother to her Yorkie named Kiki. By day is a victims advocate for a non-profit and by night she is your Queer grocery clerk that helps you find your produce. For fun she loves true crime podcasts, going for long walks with her dog, hikes with friends, reading, painting, meditation and puzzles. Because of the pandemic sheâs been focusing on a lot of solo projects.
[14:48] Do you notice that solitude is different now that youâre sober?
Barela said yes, sheâs always enjoyed her own company, but sheâs now more active and productive with her time. Sheâs more creative because alcohol isnât in the way of her focus. Every morning is a great morning for her.
[15:38] Can you give us a background on your drinking?
Barela said she started drinking when she was 16. Her mom bought her alcohol to keep her in the house, rather than being out. She didnât like the taste at first. When she moved to Portland and was in a band alcohol became more a part of her everyday life. It escalated quickly in the last 10 years. At around age 28 she started blacking out. In the beginning they didnât scare her, but at the end it changed. The cycle of getting drunk, being hung over, ibuprofen, hair of the dog, get drunk⊠repeat became her life. Getting alcohol became an obsession in her life.
[19:51] Were you surrounded by people who were drinking like you?
Barela said yes, she was hanging out with people who normalized all of this. Her last black out was December 19, 2019 and sheâs gone through some big shifts in friendships because a lot were of those were drinking friendships only. She lost some jobs due to drinking as well. After some geographical drinking changes which didnât work, she moved back to Salt Lake City. Her bottom was when she was making her grandmother dinner, drank a fifth of Old Crow and she woke up in bed with a broken ankle.
[24:27] What happened after your bottom?
Barela said she declared âI canât drink anymore!â but she also saw how she had been simply adjusting her bottom as she drank. Being bed ridden after breaking her ankle brought this into stark reality. She journaled about all the relationships her drinking was affecting, including the one with herself. She knew she needed to leave the service industry. Stepping outside of that she found work with the domestic violence coalition and working at the grocery at night.
[27:56] What was that time period after that like?
Barela said she slept a lot and ate whatever she wanted. Lots of self-reflection. She also burned the ships to her friends for accountability.
[29:41] How do you build accountability into living alone?
Barela said sheâs superstitious and the idea of drinking again is truly scary to her. She knows that alcohol will always be there but sheâs made a life she loves away from alcohol.
[31:36] Did you used to have a witching hour and did you have to change your habits around it?
Barela said she drank all the time, so she didnât have a witching hour exactly. There was always a reason to be drinking, no matter what time it was.
[33:05] How were you sleeping before you quit?
Barela said sleeping has never been a problem. Barela talks about how she started detecting patterns within her relapses and trying to protect her energy and setting boundaries.
[39:10] What are some tools you use every day to protect your sobriety?
Barela said waking up, doing her gratitude prayer and then thinking about her goals. Making her bed and setting daily intentions. Listening to podcasts. She recently discovered The Seltzer Squad podcast.
[40:37] What is your go to strategy when you do get a craving?
Barela said she talks to herself. She tries to locate what the feeling is and why sheâs feeling that way. If the craving is particularly strong she will play the tape forward.
[42:21] Does your grandmother know youâre not drinking anymore?
Barela said she hasnât been there for about 8 months; she hasnât told her directly. She hasnât burned the ships with her grandmother or her aunt who also lives in that home. Sheâs not sure why, but she hasnât yet.
[45:52] What has been an unexpected perk on this journey?
Barela said her intuition has been more on point. She pulls Tarot cards and having better intuition has helped her there. Sheâs also been working on remote viewing as well (locating objects with your mind). Sheâs saved a ton of money and can do nice things for herself. She feels empowered and happy. She noticed she looks better. Everything is better.
[50:18] Rapid Fire Round
Trust your intuition. If it feels heavy in your heart, go against it. Only bad things happen after 1am, so go home.
Liquid Death and her friend makes her own tinctures which she adds to it.
Talenti Banana Caramel Crunch
Believe in yourself, you can do it. Keep thinking about that person you want to be without alcohol. Keep reaching out.
You may have to say adios to booze if...
when you are constantly finding yourself waking up with a MARI (mysterious alcohol related injury).
Odetteâs find thoughts:
A sober perk: sheâs found friendships with people who she wouldnât normally be friends with. Finding people who feel in the same way you do and making those connections is powerful. Through sharing Odette has found more in common with others than she thought. What an unexpected surprise!
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to -info@recoveryelevator.com
âRecovery Elevator âyou took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up-
I love you guys.â
Episode 334
Youâre not giving something up, you are getting so much more in return, itâs just amazing.
Kevin is 53, from South Carolina and took his last drink on October 6, 2019. This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).
Todayâs show is sponsored by Better Help.
Kevinâs interview is with Kris. You guys are going to love Krisâs style. Heâs a grounded, laid back guy from North Dakota who fully gets the importance of connection. Just like you all gave me a chance, and Odette, please focus on the similarities, not the differences and welcome Kris.
Speaking of Kris, weâve made 10 YouTube Videos, and some of them are funny, at least thatâs my opinion. and our last video was my top 10 favorite recovery books. Go over to YouTube and type Recovery Elevator in the search bar.
I just finished the book âBreathâ by James Nestor. The breath is the true foundation for all recovery work. It turns out, 5.5 breaths per minute is the optimal rate. Thatâs 5.5 seconds on the inhale, and 5.5 on the exhale for a total of 5.5 per minute. So next time youâre caught up in email apnea, pause and focus on the breath. I highly recommend this book.
Breath by James Nestor https://amzn.to/3zOJ1GZ.
Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
Okay, letâs get started -
Today I want to talk about the incredible feature film on trauma and addiction by Dr. Gabor Mate. The film is called âThe Wisdom of Trauma.â This film needed to be made and will move the needle in a healthy direction in terms of how we view addiction.
Film: https://thewisdomoftrauma.com/
Book: âIn the Realm of Hungry Ghostsâ - Dr. Gabor Mate https://amzn.to/3xOAZx1
This film covers what addiction is. It covers how it happens, when the driving forces behind an addiction take hold in life and it also has practical ideas on how we should address addiction as a society and as the individual struggling with an addiction. On this podcast, youâre most likely listening to address a drinking problem, but all addictions, for the most part are interchangeable, and the mechanisms are mostly the same.
Okay, no surprise here, he talks about trauma. And he is noted for saying that all addictions, start with trauma, and the baulk of that happens in adolescence. The start of addiction doesnât happen when you lose your job, but in infancy. Always. We often think that trauma must happen in Afghanistan, or a physically abusive parent but it also happens when we arenât hugged enough as a child or us not getting something we needed when we were young. Parents in the 20th and 21st centuries are pulled in so many directions, that unfortunately, this is common. Itâs the kiddos that pay the price.
Please donât take any of this energy and steer it towards your parents, etc. They did their best. Thatâs not a healthy way to take this information.
This is an emotional film. I cried during parts of it.
He says that trauma happens when you disconnect with yourself, when you donât have anyone to talk with. When kids are alone with their hurt. Another way to say this is there wasnât a healthy way to move the energy. It got stuck. Humans talking about it, is the equivalent of a duck flapping its wings in nature, and we couldnât do that as a child. So, the body hangs on to the energy. But itâs not fun energy to hang on to. In the western world one of the dominant ways this excess of energy manifests itself is through inflammation in the body.
He then talks about how we look at addiction as a poor choice. We, meaning society, and the individual. Thank you, Mrs. Regan for adding a couple of thick layers of pinyon pine to the stigma with the âJust say noâ campaign from the 80âs. That didnât help much. Gabor, then reframes it by saying, the addiction wasnât a poor choice, it was the solution. I agree completely. In fact, Iâd take it even further and say kudos you found a way to survive. Itâs now time to find healthier ways to cope since alcohol, will mess you up spiritually, mentally, and physically in the long run. Do not beat yourself up for having a drinking problem, you found a way to survive. And now itâs time to find a healthier way to connect. Thatâs all weâre doing here.
I like how Gabor calls out capitalism and most modern economies as fueling addictions. We are primed to feel we need to purchase something external for short term inner wholeness. For long term wholeness, this process must be replicated 100âs and 1000âs of times. This is great for the stock market, but not great for mental health. Thereâs one word to summarize this. Itâs MORE. We are always looking for more. This is a major pickle in modern societies that we have address ASAP. He talks about how this addiction is destroying the earth. We donât have fix the earth, fix climate change or global warming. We must fix ourselves and the individual level. Planet earth will be fine when weâre gone. Our current way of living, which Eckart Tolle calls insane, is how we are conditioned. Itâs crazy, and unsustainable. This paradigm is shifting. You all are part of this paradigm shift.
Dr. Mate talks about how we are treating stress and addictions with more stressors. Most western illnesses are treated with steroids and cortisol creams. Itâs not curing or treating anything.
He talks about the two ways society treats or views addicts.
So how do we treat this? Dr. Mate says, the modern medical paradigm separates the mind from the body and separates the person from the environment. I think he would agree that we need to use the mind to come into the body, and not leave it or disassociate with it. I know he would agree that we must recognize thereâs an in imbalance. Sure, itâs the first step in all 12 step programs, but science shows this also. You canât make change in anything, until a consciousness is there to witness it, or say âyes, this is here, and Iâm going to deal with it.â There is not a right or wrong way to address an addiction, but what Iâve learned here at RE, is that community must be a component of this. A HUGE component. As in the blades of a helicopter. Or the propeller on a prop plane, or the wheels on a car.
Weâve all heard what you resist persists. Thank you, psychologist Carl Jung. At the individual level, we must recognize something is out of balance. At the group level, we do the same - and it can be a lot of fun.
At the individual level, youâre doing it. Youâre listening. Which means youâre open to a whole new way of living. This is what gets me excited about Recovery Elevator. Its exploring new ways to live, that donât require alcohol to be happy. And we are all figuring this out together.
Before we hear from Kris and Kevin, Letâs hear from Betterhelp.
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 1,000,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
[12:55] Kris introduces Kevin
Kevin took his last drink on October 6, 2019, he is creeping up on two years and he feels great. Not every day is great or happy, but he feels better equipped to handle what life throws at him.
[14:02] Give us a little background on you.
Kevin is 53 and lived in Long Island for most of his life. He now lives in Bluffton, South Carolina. He is not married, has an awesome girlfriend, and has dogs named Ben and Jerry. He loves to read; he loves the outdoors, and he loves to work.
[15:39] Tell us about your relationship with alcohol and how did that evolve over time?
Kevin said it had a lifespan. He started drinking in 8th or 9th grade experimenting. He moved to Long Island in 4th grade. He made a lot of friends, but never felt like he fit in. In the late 80âs he was drinking heavily. At the time, he didnât think it was a problem. College was a continuation â binge drinking on the weekend. He drank through snowstorms, nice weather, hiking, etc. He thought it was normal because everyone else was doing it.
[17:25] Did you have any consequences from your early years of drinking?
Kevinâs parents were strict. His parents knew he was drinking, and his older brother never drank. He became the project for his older brother. After college he got married and his drinking slowed down a bit. Being married and becoming a new Dad, living in a high rent district was stressful. Kevin describes himself as high functioning. He had a nice house, nice family and on the weekends, he drank a lot. In 2009, he got a DUI. He reflected on rock bottoms and his wife (an attorney) was able to help. He avoided additional jail time and he slowed down his drinking for a time.
[20:06] You described having a nice house and a job, did your high functioning ever lead you to believe you didnât have a problem?
Kevin said, he looked great on paper. He had a business, a nice house, he supported charities, he was on the little league board and was a âgood dudeâ. He knew he had a problem with alcohol. He was a fun drunk and was a great guy to hang out with. At 3 AM, he was sweating, his heart was racing, and he knew something wasnât right.
[22:15] Walk us forward, tell us more
Kevin tried to maintain the status quo. He and his wife got divorced. He believes his wife deserved better and alcohol had an impact but wasnât the only factor in their divorce. The alcohol affected his ability to rebuild the marriage. His drinking reached a new level post-divorce. He spent a lot of time on his own. He frequented sports bars and the âtypeâ of drinking escalated. He felt a lot of guilt and shame. The salve of alcohol didnât last for more than 20 minutes. He knew something was wrong. Kevin put lots of rules on himself â only drinkâŠ. He would make a rule, break it, and invent three more. Only this, only that âŠ.. Annie Graceâs book first got him to explore quitting. Annieâs podcast mentioned Paul Churchill. Kevin has met Paul a few times and says, Paul ruined drinking for him.
Value Bomb â when you are in it, itâs so subtle. It takes a different form than you a realize.
[27:52] Paul ruined it for you, so what happens next?
Kevin was driving home and hit a rumble strip and he thought to himself â Iâve got good kids, good friends, and a great business. Two days later he went to a street festival, and he had a beer or two and he decided on 10/6/2019 he knew, this is it! He had dozens of days oneâs day 6âs and day whateverâs. He knew it was over.
Value Bomb â Your resets are not for nothingness. They help you establish the willingness to move forward. Dig in, keep learning, itâs all growth.
[30:57] What did the first 30/60/90 days look like for you?
Kevin leaned in heavy on CafĂ© RE. He took the advice. He took naps when he needed them. He cut back on work a bit. He cut back on engagements. He learned to set boundaries. He learned to leave respectfully. He learned to prepare and had he faked a few gin and tonics. He embraced NA beer. He avoided drinking. The cravings dissipated over time. Kevin craved situations more than the alcohol â college football, Superbowl. He had the willingness. Preparation was key. As people became aware he wasnât drinking, it became easier. After a little practice, it became easier every time. Setting boundaries was huge.
Value Bomb â we grow and learn what situations we want to be in an those we donât. Itâs okay to let go of certain situations.
[36:43] How did drinking impact your relationships?
Kevin said his parents were never drinkers, so there wasnât much of an issue. In his first marriage, he acknowledges drinking made him less patient. Drinking takes up a lot of your money, your health, and your time. Kevin now has great relationships with his parents, his sons, and his ex-wife. He has been able to repair those important relationships and have deeper conversations. His relationship with his employees evolved and he learned to take a genuine interest and helps others.49:22
[40:22] Walk us though what your recovery looks like now.
Kevin is an early riser. He carves out 90 minutes every morning and he reads, meditates, and writes. He spends time with his dogs, goes to work and spends time with friends in the evening. He travels to New York to spend time with his kids. Café RE keeps him connected to the community.
[41:45] Rapid Fire Round
Driving home from a brew pub and hitting the rumble strip became his AHA moment.
My plan is to keep doing what Iâm doing. Itâs not a linear trip. He has dip days. He is going to CafĂ© RE meet ups. The zoom chats help, and he offers words of encouragement. Staying connected is key.
Be kind to yourself. Look at yourself like your dogs look at you. Loathing yourself isnât productive. The journey has a lot of whacky dips and bumps. Be kind to yourself.
You must want to do it and you must do it for yourself. Figure out your why. It canât be just for your spouse or your kids. You arenât giving something up. You are getting so much more in return.
You may have to ditch the booze if âŠ
Kevin didnât want to rupture or end his relationship with his kids, the most wonderful relationships in his life.
Krisâs closing comments
Kris talks about the scale going up after he quit drinking. He talked about the big dreams that come with sobriety. Patience is key to getting healthy and achieving your goals. Manage your expectations. Let the work do its work. Itâs okay for some things to take a back seat. Embrace positive affirmations and gratitude. Love yourself, you are doing amazing things. Kris said as he listened to other guests, he learned and has he learned he healed. He is grateful to other guests and his CafĂ© RE family. kris@recoveryelevator.com.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!
âRecovery Elevator â Without the darkness you would never
know the light - I love you guysâ
Episode 333
Link to join the Open House Café RE Chat this Saturday, July 10th, at 10:00 AM PST/1:00 PM EST
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/87017557542?pwd=RFRZNGZ6SXpRS0NtdTRaNFhuZzJFQT09
Meeting ID: 870 1755 7542
Passcode: recovery
Help people create a life so good for themselves, they would never want to go back. What lies beyond recovery for you, what is the next chapter? I didnât get sober so I could just settle.
Tamar is from Ontario, Canada and took her last drink on June 17, 2012. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).
Todayâs show is sponsored by Better Help.
You might be an alcoholic if... you report your car stolen, only for it to be found at the house you were drinking at the night before. This is from Miguel Reyes, the host of the Staying Fit ODAAT podcast.
Today is July 5th, you can still sign up for our Intensive Dry July course. Youâve still got 11/13 sessions left. Go to Recovery Elevator.com/restore. Weâve got a KILLER group from all over the globe, and Itâs been a lot of fun so far.
RE now has merch! In fact, Iâm wearing an RE hoodie now. Thank you, Stephanie Smale, for all the hard work. RE.comm/merch for your AF threads.
Okay, letâs get started -
Today, I was going to talk about something else. More specifically that âall emotions are created equal.â A topic, that I still plan on covering, but as I opened my computer and begin writing this intro, I recognized that this is episode 333. Now apart from loving Dan Brownâs Da Vinci code, I was never really into numbers, symbols, shapes, nor the placement of stars and planets at the time of my birth⊠But as my journey progresses, Iâve become more curious, interested and more importantly open, to all this stuff. So, letâs move forward with an open mind, as we are dipping a toe in the spirituality and higher power waters of recovery⊠which can be somewhat divisive but also fascinating because Iâve learned thereâs a part in all of us, that wants to know, whatâs really going on behind the scenes⊠And spoiler alert, I wonât be answering whatâs the purpose of life, but do hope to tie some mathematics and mysticism into living an alcohol-free life.
Letâs talk about the number 3, first, then 333.
With mystics, mathematicians and physicists, the number 3 is considered the perfect number, the number of harmonies, wisdom and understanding. ... It was also the number of times â past, present, future; birth, life, death; beginning, middle, end â it was the number of the divine. Some guy was resurrected three days after his death, forget his name, but I know itâs significant to many.
The ancient Greek philosopher, Pythagoras, postulated that the meaning behind numbers was deeply significant. ... In his eyes the number 3 was considered as the perfect number, the number of harmonies, wisdom and understanding.
âIf you only knew the significance of 3,6,9, multiples of 3, then you have the key to the universe.â Nikola Tesla.
The frequencies of the 7 energy centers or chakras are all divisible by three. For example, the heart area has a frequency of 639 HZ, which means the wave form goes up and down 639 times in one second. This number, along with all the other energy centers, is divisible by three. The earth, which vibrates at 432 HZ, which is also the key of almost all NEW AGE music, is also divisible by three.
Number 3 is the foundational number of trinities, the triangle, with three sides. Mind, body, and spirit. Having it tripled, 333, is like saying trenta when ordering a coffee at Starbucks. Itâs supercharged.
The three-sided triangle - Is the symbol of AA.
The unifying language of the universe is math and 3 is the root of many and this special number governs much of the physical world at the quantum level.
What does it mean to see 333?
Weâve all heard of guardian angles. So, angels, canât speak to you directly to you, at least in my experience, but apparently, they send messages using the number 3, and when you have triple that, as in 333, itâs time to listen up. So maybe this episode, is a message to YOU, from your guardian angel.
333 means that itâs time to focus on acknowledging your inner truths, and head out into the world with more purpose. Inner truth (if youâre listening to this podcast), means itâs probably time to ditch the booze or stick with that decision. Thereâs a voice inside, thatâs been saying, Yo, we donât need this.
Internally thereâs a beautiful âtipping pointâ that is going to take place if not already. Thatâs when the voice, or energy around your alcohol-free life, overpowers, or is greater than the voice representing the addiction. This doesnât necessarily mean youâll never drink again, but itâs a good indicator that A - alcohol has been ruined for you and will never work in the same capacity and B. Youâre shedding an old skin.
333 also signifies a period of intense growth. If youâre on this journey of learning how to live life without alcohol, then yes, youâre in the âtrentaâ range when it comes to growth. This growth is intense. Itâs the most profound type of inner growth we can go through in this human life. Keep in mind that all growth takes place outside your comfort zone, so if you feel catapulted outside your comfort zone at this moment, thatâs okay. After all bouts of chaos, order follows. This is the way the universe works. Be patient, things will settle.
333 is a symbol of maturity, or maturation. Iâve heard, and there is some truth to this, that you stop emotionally growing when alcohol dependency locks in. The flip side of this, is through an addiction you learn a whole different set of invaluable life lessons⊠Seriously, donât forget that. I firmly believe this. When you reintegrate into society, youâll notice youâre equipped with a set of skills that most people donât have. They are superpowers. Qualities of intense resilience come to mind.
333 is a symbol that itâs time to eliminate things in your life that no longer bring you pleasure of happiness, The key in this sentence is no longer. Alcohol, for most of us was a great life companion. There was a time when it did bring us pleasure and happiness. Those times, like high school, are over. This can also apply to people, places, and things. As you grow, evolve, some people, places, and things. As you grow and evolve, some things will no longer be a match for you, making it increasingly uncomfortable to be around these incoherencies.
Itâs rumored that seeing the number 333 means that what youâve been asking for, is on the way. The first thing that comes to mind here is to âBe clear on what youâre asking for when you put that out into the universe. Internally, for most of us, thereâs a part of us that wants to quit drinking and a part of us that doesnât want to quit drinking. Try to catch those inner messages of dissonance as you become aware of them.
What youâve been asking for is on the way or may be already here. The next part is for you to walk through the door, to do your part, to do the work.
Iâve been asking for a Top Gun sequel for 30 years. The new release date is November 19th, 2021. Come on lucky 333, I need this.
Whether you believe in 333 or not, that doesnât really matter.
333 means the ascended masters are near you.
Ascended masters? What the hell does that mean? Well, weâre not going to figure that out here, nor is this podcast really about that, but itâs important to be open to the idea that someone, something out there, is rooting for us. An entity, or spirit has our best interest in mind, even though the remake of Top Gun has been postponed 5 times. Regardless, humanity needs help now, and if a number, replicated 3 times, signifies this, then Iâll take it.
Before we conclude, I do want to mention the odds, of us chatting about existence, quitting drinking and you being you, are quite low. In fact, the odds, of you being you, in this moment, are about 1 in 400 trillion.
According to astro-physicists, the odds of planet earth, sustaining life, and you being here are the same as flipping a coin and having it land on heads, 10 quintillion times in a row. As Laura McKowan, would say, âwe are the luckiest.â Simply being here, means weâve already won the greatest lottery of all time. . And we didnât come here for life to perpetually suck. Weâve got your back guys.
Mental health matters, and as we continue to live through this pandemic and slowly go back to resuming activities such as going back to work or attending some social gatherings, itâs important to have someone that can help us process all our emotions and life stressors. Betterhelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Betterhelp provides a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas. The platform is super easy to navigate - you can login into your account at any time and interact with your counselor by sending them a message. Youâll get timely and thoughtful responses, plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. Betterhelp is more affordable than the traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
[11:35] Odette introduces Tamar
Tamar took her last drink on June 17, 2012.
[12:02] How do you feel?
Itâs amazing. I remember when I first came into recovery, I thought, I canât drink forever? If you had asked me nine years ago if Iâd be here, Iâd tell you youâre insane!
[12:40] Give us a little background on you.
Tamar is a podcast host, performance consultant, life coach, best-selling author, and a champion for people in recovery. Her passion is to help people in recovery create a life so good for themselves that they never want to go back to their old way of living. She lives east of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. She has no kids but has a niece and nephew who she loves to get hopped up on sugar and send them home to their parents. She is married and her husband is in recovery as well. She loves being outside, hiking, snowboarding, and golfing.
[14:56] Tell us about your relationship with alcohol
Tamar said she had a great upbringing. Her family moved around quite a bit and as a result, she was very shy. She was always looking to get a gold star from her dad. She began seeking external sources of love. When she got drunk for the first time, her life went from black and white to color. She felt she could be in control, funny and more secure. It was the solution for the good and bad times. She barely graduated from high school because she wanted to drink all the time. In college, her school was next to a pub, and she would skip class and go to the pub, so she was put on academic probation. She was a black out drunk, nearly every time. When she was introduced to other drugs, she wasnât afraid. She hoped the drugs would amplify her drinking. Her dream careers were to continue being the beer girl at the golf club or work for a brewery.
[18:59] Did you connect the dots that you experience was related to alcohol?
Tamar said, she thought this is how life is. She surrounded herself with people who drank like she did. She started using drugs, losing jobs and became a chronic yo-yo dieter. She slipped into a depression but couldnât see the problem with alcohol. She was blaming the world. Her Dad tried to intervene and point out her challenges, but she wasnât ready to hear it.
[21:19] What happened afterwards?
Tamar said, she started to feel shame. She was in a toxic relationship. For two months, she drank and used for two months straight. She focused on societyâs expectations (get married, have children). She met her future husband who was also an alcoholic. She stopped using hard drugs, but her drinking escalated. They worked together and only got along when they were drinking. Meeting societyâs expectations made her miserable. She hit bottom, she was severely depressed, unhappily married, and overweight. She had a moment of clarity and wanted to give it another chance. She decided to make a change and stop digging.
[25:37] How did that catapult you into action?
Tamar said it was right before New Yearâs, so she resolved to get a gym membership. She was working out by herself, then decided to hire a personal trainer. It never occurred to her to investigate how to love yourself. She knew the personal trainer from high school, and they became close friends. She rigidly logged all her food, and, on the weekends, she only had nine beers. She would drink NyQuil so she would pass out, she reported to her trainer, âI only had nine beersâ. Her trainer took her bungee jumping and shared she (the trainer) was in recovery. She went to dinner with her husband and brought a bottle of wine. That one bottle turned into a case of wine, a case of beer and a $200 bar tab and she didnât remember the rest of the weekend. She texted her friend, saying she needed help. Her friend introduced her to the world of recovery.
[30:17] When you reached out to your friend, what were the next steps?
Tamar said, she stopped that weekend. Her friend brought her to an AA meeting, and she said she wasnât like them, she was classy. Her friend encouraged her to look for the similarities vs. the differences. With a new attitude, she was shocked at how much she could relate. She went to someoneâs four-year celebration and was impressed with how good his life became. She is happy to be alive, particularly knowing how self-destructive she was.
[33:51] What happened afterwards?
Tamar said going through the 12-steps really helped her. She learned her life was her fault. She cried more in her first year in recovery than she had ever in her life. She had used alcohol to mask everything, so her first step was to learn how to manage her emotions. She learned it was ok to not be okay. She started cleaning up her life. It was about building a foundation. Now there isnât one part of her that wants to have a drink. Early on, she was frustrated with people who questioned her decisions, but she thinks that tough love saved her life. She surrounded herself with people who would be honest with her. The first year was hardest, she lost 75 pounds, but she acknowledged you can get lazy and fall back into not doing the work.
[37:37] What tools did you use to help you get through the days?
Tamar said she changed everything. She stayed away from bars for the first six months. She stayed away from anything that triggered her. She didnât connect with friends because they were drinking buddies. She tested the water by bringing diet coke to parties and had an emotional hangover. Learning what to do and what not to do became her top priority until she was strong enough and her foundation was built. She developed a healthy routine. Today it doesnât bother her to be around people who are drinking.
[41:14] How did your depression and eating issues evolve as you got sober?
Tamar said food is still a challenge for her â she loves food. She listened to a podcast and the host, an MD, pointed out the similarity between the carbs/sugar and alcohol. After losing 75 pounds, she felt like she had graduated. She still slips into anxiety and depression. She finds herself going back to old behaviors. Now she eats clean, and her body responds well. She is good 80% of the time and 20% of the time she allows herself fries. She is very co-dependent and began working on her personal development. She wanted to grow. She investigated her food issues. She learned what foods she could eat, what foods worked, etc. She hired a food code. She started a podcast so she could be accountable. She hired a coach who helped her with different strategies around food. She has learned to give herself grace. Sobriety helps you to look at other aspects of your life. You can apply the same tools to other addictions.
[47:13] What has been an unexpected perk or joy about this journey?
Tamar said she realized her past was a gift. When complacent, she stopped taking action. Surrounding herself with people who had what she wanted encouraged her to move forward. She is now coaching. She is a performance consultant. She didnât get sober so she could just settle. Even when the days are dark, she can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.
[50:25] Rapid Fire Round
Keep being open minded and willing to learn. Donât shut yourself off for new experiences and donât wait until you are ready. If something aligns with your purpose, take action and do it.
She is excited to wake up every single morning at 4:30 AM so she can do what she loves each day.
Diet Coke.
Podcasts, books (self-help and biographies).
Find people who have what you want. She is grateful she found those people in early recovery. Itâs never too late to stop. Ask for help. Connect. Itâs okay to not be okay.
You may have to say Adios to booze if âŠ
You keep thinking about booze and justifying your reasons for not drinking.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette spoke about the Disney movie, Luca. The movie reminded her that we need to silence the voice that doesnât want us to do the hard thing(s). We are not our thoughts. We have the power to detach and tell it to be quiet. Seeing our thoughts for what they are is healthy, just donât let them drive the car. Remember you are not alone and together is always better. This isnât a no to alcohol, itâs a YES to a better life.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!
âRecovery Elevator â Without the darkness you would never
know the light - I love you guysâ
Episode 332 â Find More Joy
One of the biggest things that kept me drinking as I long as I did was that shame circle. I would drink, do something stupid, embarrass myself, feel terrible and then drink again because I couldnât handle my feelings.
Brett is 27 years old, lives in San Francisco, CA and took her last drink on January 2, 2020. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).
If you love our intro and outro music then check out the artist DJ NYE on Spotify, and that link is in the show notes. Also in the show notes are links to download, for free, our intro and outro music, Thatâs with my voice sampling and ET Tolleâs voice samplings.
DJ NYE on Spotify.
Intro and Outro Music.
Intro Paul: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/recoveryelevator/RE_Paul_Intro.mp3
Intro Eckhart Tolle: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/recoveryelevator/RE_ET_Intro.mp3
Outro Paul: https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/recoveryelevator/Paul_RE_Outro.mp3
Outro Eckhart Tolle:https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/recoveryelevator/Eckhart_Tolle_Outro.mp3
Today is June 28th. This Thursday, July 1st, is the start date of our intensive 13 session course for the month of July. We meet three times per week, Monday, Thursday and Sunday. Mondays and Thursdays are classroom style format, with intimate breakout rooms and Sundays are for guest speakers, Q&A, and weâve for an AF Beverage workshop hosted by Kate (episode 315). We polled previous course participants and 72% of them remained alcohol free for the duration of our last course. How cool is that. Youâll have course assignments and daily discussion prompts in your WhatsApp groups. This course is all about connection and having fun. Go to Recoveryelevator.com/restore or click the link in the show notes, to sign up and for more info.
And donât forget that land tortoises are the longest living animals on the planet and that TIB is still the best band in the world. One of those is fact, the other opinion but for the most part undebatable.
Okay, letâs get started -
Iâm going to cover two things today. 1. The importance of purposefully adding more joy into your life and 2. Recently while traveling, I came across the most vicious sports mascot ever. I still get goosebumps when I think of the deadly mascot.
Okay, letâs talk about joy. And this may seem like common sense, but itâs not because so many of us postpone, skip, or have forgotten about joy altogether. Like the âhow toâ part. And now seems like a good time to insert a quote about joy.
âJoy does not simply happen to us - we have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.â - Henri Nouwen
Letâs look at a sample to do list.
Now this may or may not be my to do list, and yours may be similar, And Iâm referring to the order. Iâve got playing the piano last. We tell ourselves we need to get all the grown-up tasks done first. Kids, job, house, feeding the family, pets, why didnât my sprinklers turn on last night, then last on that list is US.
Hereâs my HARD ask of you. Make a point to do something every day that you find joyful. And hereâs the important part. Do it first. Before all the other stuff that has the potential to zap all the creative energy out of you.
About 3 months ago, I stared taking piano lessons. I went from chop sticks to now I can the Scientist and Clocks on the piano by Coldplay. Canât sing them yet because thatâs some major rubbing your tummy and patting your head type sh$t, but Iâm working on it. At first, I would practice piano at the end of the day, when my mind was sometimes ready for a nap, and the mind is in high beta brain waves⊠borderline stressed from the day. It worked, but some days I had to force it. Then I flipped the to-do list. I started playing the piano first thing in the morning. Before all the adulting took place. Hereâs what I found. When we do something we enjoy, thereâs a natural creative energy that arises, that makes things tolerable, even pleasant. Hereâs the important part. This energy, consciousness, will then overlap into the next task or project. I quickly found I was more effective at all remaining tasks for the day, and they all became more joyful. So, I try to practice piano or music every morning. This flip has had a big impact on my quality of life.
Letâs tie this into sobriety. When we are doing something we enjoy, we enter into a flow state where time and our problems seem do disappear. Flow states, or when we are fully mentally immersed in a task, are healthy because we arenât thinking about how the F, weâre going to quit drinking. Another way to say this, is the neural connections that fortify an addiction begin to soften and something else is strengthened, be it gardening, reading, hiking, or whatever. Again, our mental energies arenât âinâ the addiction, or the âstory.â Youâre like - âA crap, this guy is back with his getting out of the story stuff again.â And for the record, this will be the 245th time Iâve said you canât think yourself out of an addiction.
Joy solo is great, for example playing the violin. But if you have the option, play the violin with another violinist, or a cellist - bonus points.
You know how most dogs are a nudge away from playing? Thatâs how human beings are as well, weâre just living a life thatâs been filled with so much muck and noise that we must make a point, and effort to get back to this natural state.
If youâre like, âHey Pabloâ I recently quit drinking, and I have no clue what I like to do for fun anymore. Well, thatâs the work. Find out again. Rule 22. Have fun and lighten up.
Okay, one more thing I want to cover, and Iâm trembling with fear while I write this. On my way back from our Atlanta Meet-up, thank you Alan (episode 267) for such an awesome weekend, I saw a bunch of large dudes, in the security line at the airport. They were all wearing matching jackets, and sweatpants, so I assumed they were part of a sports team that probably involves physical contact. On the crest of the jacket was the logo⊠the mascot. When I finally saw it, I stopped dead in my tracks. It was as if I was frozen, unresponsive. No, it wasnât a ferocious eagle, hawk, wolf, shark, or bear, it something much worse, much deadlier, something that would perhaps cause the other team to not even take the field. I can image players on the other team saying, my uncle died from that beast, their mascot has destroyed my family, and so forth. So, whatâs the mascot? It was Martini glass. It was the professional Los Angeles Rugby team âThe Giltinis.â If you want to pick a mascot that leaves a devastating wake of wreckage on society, well then, they nailed it, because my google search of has an âeagleâ or âhawkâ ever killed a human being, came up with nil. But alcohol on the other handâŠ.
Okay, now letâs here from Betterhelp and then weâll here from Brett.
Todayâs show is sponsored by Better Help.
Mental health matters, and as we continue to live through this pandemic and slowly go back to resuming activities such as going back to work or attending some social gatherings, itâs important to have someone that can help us process all our emotions and life stressors. Betterhelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Betterhelp provides a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas. The platform is super easy to navigate - you can login into your account at any time and interact with your counselor by sending them a message. Youâll get timely and thoughtful responses, plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. Betterhelp is more affordable than the traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
[10:38] Odette introduces Brett.
Brett took her last drink on January 2, 2020.
[11:07] How are you feeling?
Brett says she is feeling good. Drinking feels like a very long time ago in a good way.
[11:40] Give us a little background on you.
Brett is originally from Rhode Island, but currently lives in San Francisco. She is in tech consulting. She is 27 and in a relationship. She loves going to the Farmerâs market, reading non-fiction, NA drinks, attending to her MANY plants and she hopes to adopt a dog this year.
[13:04] Tell us about your history with drinking
Brett had her first drink at 12 or 13 and was pre-gaming with her sister for her high school senior prom. Her sister and a friend were drinking a clear liquid and laughing and getting a bit gigglier. She looked up to her sister, she was so cool, and Brett wanted to be part of the crowd. At 14-15, alcohol became a social thing. She went to a small Quaker school and early exposure to alcohol came from older siblings. Peer pressure was a big thing. Alcohol was a staple at all the parties.
Brett thought everyone was blacking out and it wasnât until age 21 that she understood you could drink without blacking out. Her parents would pick her up from parties, then ground her and make her write essays on alcohol, how it was made, where it came from, etc.
[16:41] Where was your heart and your emotional state?
Brett said the cycle of shame kept her drinking for a long time. She would drink, do something stupid, embarrass herself, feel terrible and then drink again because she couldnât handle her feelings. She was going through a lot as a kid and has since been diagnosed as bipolar 2. She was experiencing all those symptoms as a kid and didnât know what to do with them. She was scared and wondering what was wrong with her, but not sure what. She was also rebellious.
Value Bomb â Emotional regulation is something we donât learn about early enough.
[19:34] What happened after high school?
Brett said during her junior year, her dream was to get as far away from Rhode Island as possible (a geographic). She applied to Hawaii Pacific University but ended up at Loyola in Baltimore because nobody from her school was going there. It was the party school and Brett had a fake ID and she was the party girl. She had good friends, nothing bad happened and she achieved a 4.0 GPA. She transferred to Northeastern and found a good group of drinking friends. She had her first depressive episode and called her mom during a complete panic attack. The school psychiatrist suggested she had bipolar 2. She was in denial. She tried to manage her ups and downs with alcohol and cocaine. She really hurt some people during her episodes and needs to make amends.
[23:02] Can you walk us through what a bipolar cycle is like for you?
Brett said, bipolar is difficult to diagnose for many reasons and it presents differently for different people. Her alcohol and cocaine use augmented the ups and downs and made diagnosis more challenging. Brettâs experience was feeling exhausted, tired, and unable to get out of bed. She would rather pee in a cup than go to the bathroom. She had muscle soreness and lots of tears, crying for no reason. Suicidal ideation would come 2-3 days in, and she would circle a drain of worthlessness. The booze turned the dial up and made the episodes longer. She also had blips of hypomania including high bursts of energy, talking fast and urgent shopping among other things. She wasnât ready to hear about her diagnosis, but had challenges functioning and felt shame and guilt as a result. She went to a dual-diagnosis rehab, which was very freeing for her.
[28:36] What led you to rehab?
Brett said she frequently texted her family members accusing them of not loving or caring about her. In 2020, she messaged her parents, and her parents became alarmed. Her mom called, bought her a plane ticket, and offered to come pick her up. Her Mom was researching rehab programs. Brett had severe withdrawal symptoms and called the rehab to understand the rules. She described getting to the airport 12 hours early because she had no concept of time. She did go to the ER to address her withdrawal symptoms. A few days later they were in the car on the way to a rehab in Massachusetts.
Brett said the life she built for herself in 15 months of sobriety is what she always wanted when she was drinking and using. She had been drinking and using for 15 years. She appreciates how wild, weird, and wonderful that is.
[34:20] How long were you in rehab?
Brett said for two weeks, and she would go back if she could. The food was amazing, and the staff was talented and supportive. She said it saved her life and she enjoyed most of it. Insurance only covered two weeks. Brett wondered why things had to get so bad that she to put her life on hold to get better. Figuring out the fundamental things has prompted her to check in with herself daily. She said we canât be afraid to prioritize ourselves.
[40:00] How was leaving rehab and what was it like for the next 30 days?
Brett said after treatment she went home to her parentsâ home for over a month. She took time away from work and it was a safe bubbled space. She explored AA and Smart Recovery meetings. She returned to work part time. Upon returning to San Francisco, she entered her bedroom and the whole room was in shambled. There were bottles and mess everywhere because she was in a blackout when she left. It was hard, but not triggering. She took it slow and found a therapist and a psychiatrist. After the pandemic hit, she turned to Instagram. She found Carla and Sober IRL (https://www.soberirl.com/) and that kickstarted her desire to stay sober. She continued the medications that were prescribed at rehab and the medication journey was a short one.
[43:30] What tools worked for you?
Brett said in the beginning fear of withdrawal was a huge motivator. As she got more time, AA meetings, podcasts (Café RE and Recovery Happy Hour), reading (This Naked Mind, The Four Agreements) and the Instagram community helped. Brett said when you put yourself out there, people take you into their arms and help you find your people.
[46:36] What helped you overcome cravings?
Brett said she didnât have any physical cravings. The itchiness with herself can be triggering and she learned to play the tape forward in rehab. She leverages her sponsor, exercise, and leverages TIP exercises (https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/tipp/) and baths/showers and cries. Saying out loud she wants a drink and getting it out of her head gives it less power.
[49:42] What is your favorite NA beverage?
Brett said her current favorite is the Mikkeller Limbo Raspberry NA beer.
[53:10] Rapid Fire Round
Iâm proud of you, itâs going to be okay.
Sleep is restful
More money, disposable income
Ben & Jerryâs Tonight dough
Just do it, you are worth it!
You may have to say Adios to booze if âŠ
You have accumulated so much debt, you must Venmo borrow from yourself to get alcohol.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette reflects upon a recent reading of Gabor Mate where he says, âwe continue to treat people who struggle with addiction poorly. If you think about it, addiction is not a problem. Addiction is a solution to a problem: our trauma, our suppressed emotions, our unhealed pain.â Odette is grateful that Recovery Elevator is part of the solution. We see you and we are here for you. It all starts from the inside out.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!
âRecovery Elevator â Without the darkness you would never
know the light - I love you guysâ
Episode 331 â we hear from Laura!
Community is so important. It is so important to connect with ourselves, our source energy, or other people. All those things get disconnected with addiction. Reconnecting with the world is an important part of recovery.
On todayâs podcast we have Laura who is from Austin, TX and took her last drink on September 16, 2019. This is her journey of living live alcohol free (AF).
Headlines
Paul gave many stats about how a podcast survives in a pandemic. Paul also learned so much from listening to Odette take the from seat on the podcast. His discoveries among many include:
Lauraâs Story
[16:04] Odette welcomes Laura
Lauraâs last drink was September 16, 2019. Laura feels great and has ups and downs and is present and grateful. She lives in Austin, Texas where she owns a spa and does bodywork and energy work. She is working with Supernatural Recovery. She is a single mom to an 8-year-old daughter and loves meditation and yoga.
[17:40] Tell us about your path with drinking
Laura grew up in an alcohol abusive family. She started smoking pot and LSD at 14. She didnât want to drink because of her parentâs drinking. She was raped at 16 and started drinking to overcome her panic attacks.
She was imprisoned, tortured, and sexually abused for two years. She escaped from her abuser at 18, went to college and her PTSD symptoms became really apparent. She was hospitalized until she could become mentally stable. She continued drinking for 20 years. She was often functioning and often not, it swung back and forth. She didnât have any rock bottom moments, she lived in rock bottom for several years. After several false starts she was able to stop drinking in 2019.
[20:57] What was your inner dialogue when you started using alcohol?
Laura realized if she was drunk enough, she didnât have a panic attack. She was doing things that werenât healthy, but it was how she survived. She is also in recovery for an eating disorder. As part of that journey, she realizes she developed a lot of maladaptive coping mechanism that were survival instincts to help her disassociate.
[23:27] How was sharing your abuse with the world?
Laura said she didnât share very much. She minimized her early trauma. Integrating her alcohol recovery with heavy trauma therapy has helped her and as her sobriety time increases, more memories surface surfaced. The heavy trauma therapy helped her understand why it was so difficult for her to get sober. Her trauma and alcoholism to hand in hand.
[25:29] Have recurring memories of trauma been a trigger for you?
Laura said sobriety has been an awakening process. She has discovered some radical truths and uncovering new information about her trauma and her family of origin. Her therapist has helped her reconcile those awakenings.
[26:35] How did you approach your healing journey?
Laura wrote a book about her journey which is part of Supernatural Recovery. There are four cornerstones including: caring for your physical body (nutrition, hydration, exercise), trauma relief (body work, energy work, plant medicine, acupuncture), calming your nervous system (finding new ways to handle your body when her nervous system was activated), forgiveness and self-compassion which been the part of it. She is learning how to enjoy her life and avoid negative relationship patterns.
[29:20] How did you discover these alternative tools?
Laura said because of her body work practice, she is connected to many resources in the Austin recovery community. She learned to release trauma and find new ways to live her life.
[31:14] How was early sobriety for you?
Laura said she did not have a pink cloud. She cried all day every day for the first 90 days. Hiking daily, getting outside and the Recovery Elevator podcast were very helpful so she could be vulnerable and honest. At about 90 days, yoga helped her to feel better. When she began working with a somatic process, it helped her to become stronger and more committed. The book, The Energy Codes was helpful and has become a cornerstone of her program.
[34:53] Tell me about the relationship between your alcohol recovery and your eating disorder?
Laura said she played addiction whack a mole for some time. Healing isnât linear and learning to avoid self-abuse has ups and downs.
[37:20] What role does community have in your healing?
Laura said community is so important. Reconnecting with your source energy, people, and the world when you are recovering is important. She dipped her toes in AA and the 12 Steps, and found it wasnât for her. The Austin based yoga recovery community has yoga and meditation classes that have been instrumental to her recovery. CafĂ© RE was important to her in the early days.
[38:55] Do you still go to therapy?
Laura said yes! She began therapy before she got sober. Her therapist specializes in empaths and highly sensitives. When Laura wanted to stop drinking, worked for a year and a half. She had several false starts, and her therapist helped her get to the other side. Her therapist has inspired her to pursue a masterâs degree in counseling.
[40:42] What has recovery made possible for you?
Laura said what she is building with Supernatural Recovery and writing a book that is about to get published. Education is a part of her journey. She has a better handle on her emotional reactions. Service is also gift in her recovery.
[42:30] Do you still get cravings?
Laura said yes and she currently uses fancy olives. In her early days she would take a shot of apple cider vinegar. Calming her body and spending time in nature help. The disease is to disconnect, and the medicine is to stay present. Breathwork also helps. Yoga has helped her train her mind to be her friend.
[44:45] What reactions from others have you experienced since you quit drinking?
Laura said people in her life were relieved, happy, and proud. She has lost some friends along the way because she wasnât a happy, fun drinker. Sometimes people canât come with you on any awakening journey. At the end of the day, you must choose yourself. Letting go with gratitude helps avoid bad blood.
[46:58] Have you been able to identify any triggers?
Laura said her triggers are emotional, worrying about her daughter and getting hungry. When she thinks she might want a drink, she now can recognize the trigger, let go of the thought and solve it with self-care. Her daughter is learning to use those tools as well.
[49:14] What does a day in your life look like?
Laura said after dropping her daughter at school, she runs or walks, takes clients, yoga, works on her website or editing her book. On the weekends she spends time outside and hikes with friends.
Teaching her daughter about self-care and handling your emotions is important. Her recovery has made her strong and help others heal.
[53:57] When does your book come out?
It is slated to be published through the Balboa press within the next 4-5 months. She is excited share the broad menu of recovery with others.
[55:15] Rapid Fire Round
Itâs going to be okay. You are an incredible, strong person. You are going to get through this and help others.
Kin Euphorics
Supernatural Recovery, Café RE, and yoga.
Her skin, her eyes are brighter and that increases her confidence.
Have compassion for yourself. The healing journey is not linear. If you are trying and you havenât made it yet, realize the more you beat yourself up, the harder it gets.
You might need to say Adios to booze if âŠ
When a bottle is half empty and you go to the store because you are worried about running out.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette says a heartfelt thank you to those that help with the podcast, the listeners and to Paul for giving her the opportunity to be your host.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!
Episode 330â You change and grow and evolve and thatâs a good thing.
You get better, wiser, stronger and make better decisions. You canât be afraid of that.
Tricia took her last drink on November 14, 2016. She is from Dallas and is 40 years old. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).
Todayâs episode will be a bit different. Tricia chatted with Paul previously on episodes 100 and 212. We will focus on life beyond the bottle and what happens after you have some sober time under your belt.
https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-100-binge-drinking-problem-2/
https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-212-the-body-tells-us-where-to-go-next/
Today is the final episode of Season 2. Season 3 of the Recovery Elevator podcast begins June 21st. We are focused on having fun, staying authentic, spicy chili mango, ice cream and helping others along the way.
Finding Your Better You â Odetteâs weekly message.
Odette has encountered many people who feel stuck. They are struggling with letting go of booze. Itâs hard to let go of alcohol in a society that encourages drinking. It is normal and part of cognitive dissonance. You can step out of that societal pressure that encourages alcohol consumption. Itâs when we resist that it feels the hardest. Choosing to see this journey as an opportunity instead of a sacrifice helps is the first step to breaking free. Choosing to see we are the lucky ones.
Alcohol makes false promises. When we engage differently with the world, we learn we are detaching from booze and the matrix. We must be part of society, but we have power to choose and create new experiences. We outgrow our old selves and fitting in with others.
Remember you have the power to break free from the matrix. You have the power to heal, make new friends, make different decisions, and focus on a better life. Lean into new beginnings. You matter! You can find peace in your decision to stop drinking.
[10:28] Odette welcomes Tricia
Tricia took her last drink on November 14, 2016. She describes herself as a high functioning drinker. Her family had addiction issues. Tricia talked about being co-dependent and she was a perfectionist and over achiever. Success validated her. She worked in a service industry and as a chef. She worked hard and drank hard. She was protective of her drinking because she didnât want anyone to know about her drinking. She was obsessed with making it look like everything was fine. She was a blackout drinker. She was scared about that progression. She was unable to quit for more than a month at a time. She got divorced and used alcohol to cope and avoid her feelings. Her anxiety peaked and her drinking became out of control. One Monday she went through three days of withdrawal after a weekend of binge drinking. She reminds everyone not to quit cold turkey if they are physically addicted because it can be life-threatening. She started listening to podcasts, Recovery Elevator and heard stories that sounded like her. She began looking for resources and she went to an AA meeting. She worked the steps, got a sponsor, and went to therapy. Not all of them stuck, but she liked being able to do it her way. Tricia has found freedom in recovery.
[20:10] Is it easy to forget how bad your problem was? How do you make yourself remember?
Tricia said she forgets, but not in a way that makes her want to drink. She knows it was terrible and doesnât want to go back. The freshness of early sobriety, her first 90 days are hard to remember. Recovery is a big part of her life which makes it easier to remember.
[23:19] What are some of your later lessons of sobriety?
Tricia said people pleasing and inner child work are old habits to break. Initially your focus is not drinking. In time you find new things to work on and it never gets old. People pleasing is a tough one to overcome. Separating herself from her feelings was huge. Alcohol was 20% of her issue, the other issues emerge as you gain sobriety.
[26:25] What is your currency now?
Tricia said joy and peace. At night, if she is sleeping easy and she isnât ruminating, she knows she is doing something right. Breathwork and meditation help. Her focus was on achievement and what she could earn. When she finds joy in things and what makes her happy, she is at peace. You make choices about how you live life, and it brings you freedom. Stopping and being mindful of what she is thinking is the work. Small, steady work on your thoughts is important.
[30:50] How do you protect your energy?
Tricia said identifying energy sucks are critical. She is mindful of her reactions to things. Identifying âher partâ is important. Identifying what she can control helps. There are days when she didnât sleep well or didnât eat and she doesnât do as good a job as she would like, but she gets an opportunity to try again the next day. Tricia recognizes she will disappoint herself and others. She does the best she can and embraces her humanity. We are all doing the best we can, and listening is important. Getting counsel from people who know you well is helpful. She likes to remember that not everyone is thinking about you. Tricia says, find your team â people who know your story. Donât live someone elseâs life. Think about yourself the way your dog loves you!
[41:15] How do you manage your relationship with anxiety?
Tricia said she has struggled with anxiety since age 7. She had physical panic attacks at age 20. Medication has helped, but she didnât have any tools. Anxiety can be progressive. She was blocking out days at a time because of anxiety, not alcohol. Now she lives with anxiety and pretends itâs a roommate. She knows how to keep it in check. Giving up alcohol is the best thing you can do. Tricia focuses on trying to prevent anxiety and meditation, exercise, journaling, a therapist are great tools. Routine is important including good sleep.
[45:32] How is being tuned into your body helpful?
Tricia said, the body keeps the score. It holds onto trauma, memories, etc. Through breathwork, she is learning to connect to her body. It checks her into her body, and she can feel when she is getting triggered, stressed, or tired. Expressing uncomfortable emotions is so important, otherwise it shows up as anxiety or a drinking problem.
Book Reference: The Body Keeps the Score
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score
[50:12] Rapid Fire Round
How fun it is.
Tricia canât eat ice cream, but she loves peach pie.
Meeting myself and who I really am.
Ask questions about your relationship with alcohol. Push back. If you drink, you will miss out. Holding on to booze keeps you missing out.
Odetteâs Summary
Odette challenges us to take out our journal and write out what the most beautiful and authentic version of your life looks life. If the unknown is hard to process, give your brain some direction. Write it down, fill in those fear gaps with hope. Feel free to email me at odette@recoveryelevator.com.
You took the elevator down; you must take the stairs back up.
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE - Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!
âRecovery Elevator â Without the darkness you would never
know the light - I love you guysâ