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Help people create a life so good for themselves, they would never want to go back. What lies beyond recovery for you, what is the next chapter? I didn’t get sober so I could just settle.
Tamar is from Ontario, Canada and took her last drink on June 17, 2012. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).
Today’s show is sponsored by Better Help.
You might be an alcoholic if... you report your car stolen, only for it to be found at the house you were drinking at the night before. This is from Miguel Reyes, the host of the Staying Fit ODAAT podcast.
Today is July 5th, you can still sign up for our Intensive Dry July course. You’ve still got 11/13 sessions left. Go to Recovery Elevator.com/restore. We’ve got a KILLER group from all over the globe, and It’s been a lot of fun so far.
RE now has merch! In fact, I’m wearing an RE hoodie now. Thank you, Stephanie Smale, for all the hard work. RE.comm/merch for your AF threads.
Okay, let’s get started -
Today, I was going to talk about something else. More specifically that “all emotions are created equal.” A topic, that I still plan on covering, but as I opened my computer and begin writing this intro, I recognized that this is episode 333. Now apart from loving Dan Brown’s Da Vinci code, I was never really into numbers, symbols, shapes, nor the placement of stars and planets at the time of my birth… But as my journey progresses, I’ve become more curious, interested and more importantly open, to all this stuff. So, let’s move forward with an open mind, as we are dipping a toe in the spirituality and higher power waters of recovery… which can be somewhat divisive but also fascinating because I’ve learned there’s a part in all of us, that wants to know, what’s really going on behind the scenes… And spoiler alert, I won’t be answering what’s the purpose of life, but do hope to tie some mathematics and mysticism into living an alcohol-free life.
Let’s talk about the number 3, first, then 333.
With mystics, mathematicians and physicists, the number 3 is considered the perfect number, the number of harmonies, wisdom and understanding. ... It was also the number of times – past, present, future; birth, life, death; beginning, middle, end – it was the number of the divine. Some guy was resurrected three days after his death, forget his name, but I know it’s significant to many.
The ancient Greek philosopher, Pythagoras, postulated that the meaning behind numbers was deeply significant. ... In his eyes the number 3 was considered as the perfect number, the number of harmonies, wisdom and understanding.
“If you only knew the significance of 3,6,9, multiples of 3, then you have the key to the universe.” Nikola Tesla.
The frequencies of the 7 energy centers or chakras are all divisible by three. For example, the heart area has a frequency of 639 HZ, which means the wave form goes up and down 639 times in one second. This number, along with all the other energy centers, is divisible by three. The earth, which vibrates at 432 HZ, which is also the key of almost all NEW AGE music, is also divisible by three.
Number 3 is the foundational number of trinities, the triangle, with three sides. Mind, body, and spirit. Having it tripled, 333, is like saying trenta when ordering a coffee at Starbucks. It’s supercharged.
The three-sided triangle - Is the symbol of AA.
The unifying language of the universe is math and 3 is the root of many and this special number governs much of the physical world at the quantum level.
What does it mean to see 333?
We’ve all heard of guardian angles. So, angels, can’t speak to you directly to you, at least in my experience, but apparently, they send messages using the number 3, and when you have triple that, as in 333, it’s time to listen up. So maybe this episode, is a message to YOU, from your guardian angel.
333 means that it’s time to focus on acknowledging your inner truths, and head out into the world with more purpose. Inner truth (if you’re listening to this podcast), means it’s probably time to ditch the booze or stick with that decision. There’s a voice inside, that’s been saying, Yo, we don’t need this.
Internally there’s a beautiful “tipping point” that is going to take place if not already. That’s when the voice, or energy around your alcohol-free life, overpowers, or is greater than the voice representing the addiction. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll never drink again, but it’s a good indicator that A - alcohol has been ruined for you and will never work in the same capacity and B. You’re shedding an old skin.
333 also signifies a period of intense growth. If you’re on this journey of learning how to live life without alcohol, then yes, you’re in the “trenta” range when it comes to growth. This growth is intense. It’s the most profound type of inner growth we can go through in this human life. Keep in mind that all growth takes place outside your comfort zone, so if you feel catapulted outside your comfort zone at this moment, that’s okay. After all bouts of chaos, order follows. This is the way the universe works. Be patient, things will settle.
333 is a symbol of maturity, or maturation. I’ve heard, and there is some truth to this, that you stop emotionally growing when alcohol dependency locks in. The flip side of this, is through an addiction you learn a whole different set of invaluable life lessons… Seriously, don’t forget that. I firmly believe this. When you reintegrate into society, you’ll notice you’re equipped with a set of skills that most people don’t have. They are superpowers. Qualities of intense resilience come to mind.
333 is a symbol that it’s time to eliminate things in your life that no longer bring you pleasure of happiness, The key in this sentence is no longer. Alcohol, for most of us was a great life companion. There was a time when it did bring us pleasure and happiness. Those times, like high school, are over. This can also apply to people, places, and things. As you grow, evolve, some people, places, and things. As you grow and evolve, some things will no longer be a match for you, making it increasingly uncomfortable to be around these incoherencies.
It’s rumored that seeing the number 333 means that what you’ve been asking for, is on the way. The first thing that comes to mind here is to “Be clear on what you’re asking for when you put that out into the universe. Internally, for most of us, there’s a part of us that wants to quit drinking and a part of us that doesn’t want to quit drinking. Try to catch those inner messages of dissonance as you become aware of them.
What you’ve been asking for is on the way or may be already here. The next part is for you to walk through the door, to do your part, to do the work.
I’ve been asking for a Top Gun sequel for 30 years. The new release date is November 19th, 2021. Come on lucky 333, I need this.
Whether you believe in 333 or not, that doesn’t really matter.
333 means the ascended masters are near you.
Ascended masters? What the hell does that mean? Well, we’re not going to figure that out here, nor is this podcast really about that, but it’s important to be open to the idea that someone, something out there, is rooting for us. An entity, or spirit has our best interest in mind, even though the remake of Top Gun has been postponed 5 times. Regardless, humanity needs help now, and if a number, replicated 3 times, signifies this, then I’ll take it.
Before we conclude, I do want to mention the odds, of us chatting about existence, quitting drinking and you being you, are quite low. In fact, the odds, of you being you, in this moment, are about 1 in 400 trillion.
According to astro-physicists, the odds of planet earth, sustaining life, and you being here are the same as flipping a coin and having it land on heads, 10 quintillion times in a row. As Laura McKowan, would say, “we are the luckiest.” Simply being here, means we’ve already won the greatest lottery of all time. . And we didn’t come here for life to perpetually suck. We’ve got your back guys.
Mental health matters, and as we continue to live through this pandemic and slowly go back to resuming activities such as going back to work or attending some social gatherings, it’s important to have someone that can help us process all our emotions and life stressors. Betterhelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Betterhelp provides a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas. The platform is super easy to navigate - you can login into your account at any time and interact with your counselor by sending them a message. You’ll get timely and thoughtful responses, plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. Betterhelp is more affordable than the traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.
Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.
[11:35] Odette introduces Tamar
Tamar took her last drink on June 17, 2012.
[12:02] How do you feel?
It’s amazing. I remember when I first came into recovery, I thought, I can’t drink forever? If you had asked me nine years ago if I’d be here, I’d tell you you’re insane!
[12:40] Give us a little background on you.
Tamar is a podcast host, performance consultant, life coach, best-selling author, and a champion for people in recovery. Her passion is to help people in recovery create a life so good for themselves that they never want to go back to their old way of living. She lives east of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. She has no kids but has a niece and nephew who she loves to get hopped up on sugar and send them home to their parents. She is married and her husband is in recovery as well. She loves being outside, hiking, snowboarding, and golfing.
[14:56] Tell us about your relationship with alcohol
Tamar said she had a great upbringing. Her family moved around quite a bit and as a result, she was very shy. She was always looking to get a gold star from her dad. She began seeking external sources of love. When she got drunk for the first time, her life went from black and white to color. She felt she could be in control, funny and more secure. It was the solution for the good and bad times. She barely graduated from high school because she wanted to drink all the time. In college, her school was next to a pub, and she would skip class and go to the pub, so she was put on academic probation. She was a black out drunk, nearly every time. When she was introduced to other drugs, she wasn’t afraid. She hoped the drugs would amplify her drinking. Her dream careers were to continue being the beer girl at the golf club or work for a brewery.
[18:59] Did you connect the dots that you experience was related to alcohol?
Tamar said, she thought this is how life is. She surrounded herself with people who drank like she did. She started using drugs, losing jobs and became a chronic yo-yo dieter. She slipped into a depression but couldn’t see the problem with alcohol. She was blaming the world. Her Dad tried to intervene and point out her challenges, but she wasn’t ready to hear it.
[21:19] What happened afterwards?
Tamar said, she started to feel shame. She was in a toxic relationship. For two months, she drank and used for two months straight. She focused on society’s expectations (get married, have children). She met her future husband who was also an alcoholic. She stopped using hard drugs, but her drinking escalated. They worked together and only got along when they were drinking. Meeting society’s expectations made her miserable. She hit bottom, she was severely depressed, unhappily married, and overweight. She had a moment of clarity and wanted to give it another chance. She decided to make a change and stop digging.
[25:37] How did that catapult you into action?
Tamar said it was right before New Year’s, so she resolved to get a gym membership. She was working out by herself, then decided to hire a personal trainer. It never occurred to her to investigate how to love yourself. She knew the personal trainer from high school, and they became close friends. She rigidly logged all her food, and, on the weekends, she only had nine beers. She would drink NyQuil so she would pass out, she reported to her trainer, “I only had nine beers”. Her trainer took her bungee jumping and shared she (the trainer) was in recovery. She went to dinner with her husband and brought a bottle of wine. That one bottle turned into a case of wine, a case of beer and a $200 bar tab and she didn’t remember the rest of the weekend. She texted her friend, saying she needed help. Her friend introduced her to the world of recovery.
[30:17] When you reached out to your friend, what were the next steps?
Tamar said, she stopped that weekend. Her friend brought her to an AA meeting, and she said she wasn’t like them, she was classy. Her friend encouraged her to look for the similarities vs. the differences. With a new attitude, she was shocked at how much she could relate. She went to someone’s four-year celebration and was impressed with how good his life became. She is happy to be alive, particularly knowing how self-destructive she was.
[33:51] What happened afterwards?
Tamar said going through the 12-steps really helped her. She learned her life was her fault. She cried more in her first year in recovery than she had ever in her life. She had used alcohol to mask everything, so her first step was to learn how to manage her emotions. She learned it was ok to not be okay. She started cleaning up her life. It was about building a foundation. Now there isn’t one part of her that wants to have a drink. Early on, she was frustrated with people who questioned her decisions, but she thinks that tough love saved her life. She surrounded herself with people who would be honest with her. The first year was hardest, she lost 75 pounds, but she acknowledged you can get lazy and fall back into not doing the work.
[37:37] What tools did you use to help you get through the days?
Tamar said she changed everything. She stayed away from bars for the first six months. She stayed away from anything that triggered her. She didn’t connect with friends because they were drinking buddies. She tested the water by bringing diet coke to parties and had an emotional hangover. Learning what to do and what not to do became her top priority until she was strong enough and her foundation was built. She developed a healthy routine. Today it doesn’t bother her to be around people who are drinking.
[41:14] How did your depression and eating issues evolve as you got sober?
Tamar said food is still a challenge for her – she loves food. She listened to a podcast and the host, an MD, pointed out the similarity between the carbs/sugar and alcohol. After losing 75 pounds, she felt like she had graduated. She still slips into anxiety and depression. She finds herself going back to old behaviors. Now she eats clean, and her body responds well. She is good 80% of the time and 20% of the time she allows herself fries. She is very co-dependent and began working on her personal development. She wanted to grow. She investigated her food issues. She learned what foods she could eat, what foods worked, etc. She hired a food code. She started a podcast so she could be accountable. She hired a coach who helped her with different strategies around food. She has learned to give herself grace. Sobriety helps you to look at other aspects of your life. You can apply the same tools to other addictions.
[47:13] What has been an unexpected perk or joy about this journey?
Tamar said she realized her past was a gift. When complacent, she stopped taking action. Surrounding herself with people who had what she wanted encouraged her to move forward. She is now coaching. She is a performance consultant. She didn’t get sober so she could just settle. Even when the days are dark, she can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.
[50:25] Rapid Fire Round
Keep being open minded and willing to learn. Don’t shut yourself off for new experiences and don’t wait until you are ready. If something aligns with your purpose, take action and do it.
She is excited to wake up every single morning at 4:30 AM so she can do what she loves each day.
Podcasts, books (self-help and biographies).
Find people who have what you want. She is grateful she found those people in early recovery. It’s never too late to stop. Ask for help. Connect. It’s okay to not be okay.
You may have to say Adios to booze if …
You keep thinking about booze and justifying your reasons for not drinking.
Odette spoke about the Disney movie, Luca. The movie reminded her that we need to silence the voice that doesn’t want us to do the hard thing(s). We are not our thoughts. We have the power to detach and tell it to be quiet. Seeing our thoughts for what they are is healthy, just don’t let them drive the car. Remember you are not alone and together is always better. This isn’t a no to alcohol, it’s a YES to a better life.
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