RE 84: Lean Into Those Uncomfortable Emotions in Sobriety

Elaine has been sober for 15 days… This is her story...

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Elaine’s podcast: Throttle Podcast

• Instagram: @throttlepodcast

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SHOW NOTES

"Today, I want to talk about feelings…" Feelings. Fun, right? We often hear that “drinking is but a symptom…” But, what the hell does that mean? It means we have feelings, experiences, and other life situations that we don’t want to deal with, so we choose to cover them up with distractions, like drinking… “Two years and one week ago I used to drink all of these emotions away.” Through some serious research, Paul has discovered that dogs (thanks to Ben for being part of this study) can teach us something about these feelings. Ok, so it’s obvious that humans and dogs are different, but dogs can actually teach us how to lean into negative sensations and feelings… Take riding in a car for example, a dog (like Ben) will actually lean into uncomfortable sensations like curvy roads and the blowing wind. We can learn from our four-footed friends.

5 Strategies for Leaning Into Emotions:

1. When you feel that negative emotion, lean into it.
2. Don’t categorize emotions as good or bad, just notice that the emotions are here.
3. Breath and count to 10.
4. Recognize where these feelings come from and begin to let-go. Let-go of the sensation, let-go of the experience. 
5. Know yourself. Begin to observe yourself from a 3rd-person point of view. Just watch.

 

[ 09:24 ] Paul Introduces Elaine.

Elaine’s last drink was 15 days ago! Elaine has lived in a number of cities across Canada. She’s in her 40s and does freelance work. She has been happily married for 25 years. She loves practicing karate (green belt), archery and riding her motorcycle. She is an introvert and an atheist. Elaine loves karate because of the mental part. “You really have to be focused and mindful.”

[ 13:44 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?

“That’s a long road…” This time around, Elaine has joined AA. “My husband came home one day and told me a story about a great friend who was doing AA and it completely changed my view of AA.” Elaine didn’t feel that she had a rock bottom, but really resonated with the group the first time she joined an AA meeting. “I just couldn’t fool myself any longer. It’s a really open and honest group and I am an alcoholic.”

[ 17:31 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?

It was a Wednesday, the day before we were leaving for a trip to my husband’s family cottage, typically a long-weekend that involved drinking. “It was a white-knuckle weekend. I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself.” Elaine realized that in prior years the cottage was always an excuse to drink.

[ 21:26 ] Talk to me about depression?

Elaine has lived with depression since her teens. “When you mix alcohol with depression, it’s never a good thing.” During bouts of depression, everything becomes very arduous. Elaine now has the awareness to notice when depression is creeping up on her. “I used to start off with a couple of cocktails, have wine while making dinner and during dinner, and then finish off the night with a few night-caps. I would wake up the next day and feel terrible and would spend the whole next day beating myself up about it (the depression and the drinking). It was a vicious cycle.”

[ 26:44 ] What have you learned about yourself in the last 15 days?

Elaine has learned that it is okay to feel really vulnerable and that it can be really hard to ask for help, but that she is also stronger than she thought and can do this and ask for help often.

[ 27:56 ] What is your plan moving forward?

Elaine plans to continue going to AA meetings where she finds a lot of strength in sharing stories with others and building camaraderie. “I really value their honesty. I find that alcoholism is like depression in a toolkit sense. I make sure that I get enough sleep, and I incorporate meditation and mindfulness. Fortunately, I have built these practices up in dealing with depression.”

[ 29:47 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking?  “The things that I don’t remember due to blackouts.”
2. Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “So many! Waking up from being asleep and rather than going back to sleep I got up at 3am and made myself a vodka tonic…”
3. What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “Other alcoholics, the Recovery Elevator podcast, and going to meetings.”
4. What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Stand up and take the 24-hour sobriety chip at the AA meeting.”
5. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Get help today. Tomorrow things aren’t going to change. Don’t delay, just go get help today in whatever form that means to you.”

Life Hacks from Paul

• You know that voice inside your head? - Change the way it speaks to you.

• Replace “I’m an idiot” with “Oops, I made a mistake.”

• Take responsibility for your actions. That alone can get you sober.

 

 

“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”

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