Henk, 5 years sober, shares his story…..
How do most people get sober? We all assume that it is through rehab or 12 step programs and that your odds are slim if you try to do it on your own (www.addiction.com). During the 1980’s an idea was promoted that the only way you could get and stay sober was through rehab programs or AA. However, a study that followed problem drinkers from 2001-2005 showed that 85% of these drinkers got sober without any outside help (a phenomenon known as spontaneous or natural remission recovery). It should be noted that the majority of these people still had strong support systems at home and in their community.
SHOW NOTES
[ 7:53 ] How long have you been sober?
Henk – I have been sober since Sept 13, 2010. I am originally from Holland but now live in Thailand where I for work for Hope Rehab. I also love to ride motor bikes.
[ 9:30 ] When did you realize that you had a problem?
Henk – I have been in and out of various treatment facilities since I was 23. At the age of 13, I began drinking and using drugs. This quickly escalated into selling drugs at the age of 15. By the time I turned 30, I had been in 5 long term treatment programs. They did not work because I did not want to stop drinking, I just wanted the problems to stop.
[ 11:15 ] Do you think that alcohol is the gateway drink?
Henk – Yes, when I drank I became a completely different person. We believe that it is more alcohol than marijuana that leads to destructive behavior.
[ 12:29 ] Paul and Henk discuss what lead him to finally seek treatment
Henk – My family did not want anything to do with me anymore. I had racked up high debts and I could not even take care of myself. I was living in dilapidated conditions. I finally realized that you cannot run away from what is in your head. You cannot drink those thoughts away.
[ 13:37 ] What was the biggest difference between your last 2 rehabs?
Henk – I had lost everything and was mentally and physically dying. I decided that I could not go back to that kind of life.
[ 15:00 ] Paul and Henk discuss the “gift” of desperation
Henk – The gift of desperation is very painful but it helped get me clean. It made me realize what I had done to myself.
[ 16:32 ] Paul and Henk discuss the value of a fishing rod
Henk – Right after leaving treatment, I found that I had no hobbies and no friends. I had to find some type of higher power and since I had a love of nature, I decided to buy a fishing pole. Anytime I was bored, angry, and lonely or upset, I would go to the canal and sit with my fishing pole. I would feel the wind and watch the water move. It really helped settle my mind. I also bought a pair of running shoes and began running. It was time to move forward.
[ 21:47 ] Paul and Henk discuss the classroom exercise he observed while visiting Hope Rehab in Thailand
Henk – I try to make the patients understand that work is needed if you want to remain sober. Relapse rates are very high and I try to stress the importance of putting in the effort. You want to remain sober? You’ve got to do the work.
[ 25:20 ] How are you staying sober now?
Henk – My sobriety is still my #1 priority. I have a sponsor and still go to meetings, especially when I travel. Since I work in a rehab facility, I am constantly seeing new comers. It helps remind me that addiction is so painful. When I reached 1 year of sobriety myself, I had tears running down my face because I could not believe that I had done it!
[ 27:50] What are your thoughts on relapse?
Henk – Relapse is a sign of some type of reservation in recovery. As alcoholics, we can think of a million reasons to drink. Nothing that happens to you justifies a relapse. Drinking only makes it worse.
[ 30:39 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
James, with 79 days sober, shares his story……..
Paul starts the show by recommending Annie Grace’s video course on how to get started in sobriety and how to make lasting changes. www.recoveryelevatory.com/Annie. Enter promo code elevator50 to receive $50 off.
Does getting sober mean simply not drinking? No – not drinking equals a dry drunk. Getting stuck as a dry drunk also means that your life will not be as happy and fulfilling as it should be. This can lead to a slow downhill decline until you pick up drinking again. If giving up alcohol feels like a punishment, than you have entered into dry drunk land (www.alcoholrehab.com). Recovery does not mean returning to the life you had before drinking; it means moving through the challenges of what life throws your way.
Symptoms of a dry drunk:
Getting involved in meetings and being engaged in your recovery program can help you recognize these symptoms. If you feel like a dry drunk, you should examine your program to see what is missing.
SHOW NOTES
[ 12:30 ] Paul Introduces James who has been sober for 79 days. James feels lucky that the gifts and goodness of sobriety have come to him already.
[ 13:15 ] James is 29 years old, lives in NJ and sells software. He enjoys going to the gym daily and golfing.
[ 14:53 ] James discusses his drinking history
James – I was your typical teenage binge drinker. When I went to college, I got involved with religion and the Bible and really did not drink much. After college, I ended up taking a job on Wall Street where drinking and drugs were prevalent. Even though I was drinking just like everyone else, I still struggled with my internal beliefs (Why are we all here?). I was making good money on Wall Street but my addictions kept me from making emotional connections.
[19:25 ] James discusses how drugs and alcohol were only the solution. Reality was the real problem.
James – I wanted to be able to look back on my life with pleasure regarding my relationships and the bonds that I had formed. Alcohol and drugs were keeping me from reaching this ultimate goal. I had tried to control my drinking but finally the pain was just too much to take.
[ 21:06 ] James discusses his rock bottom
James – I had been skidding against the rock for quite a while. I would go 3-4 weeks without drinking and then would just tear it up. This behavior went on for 2-3 years. It was like having 2 separate lives. I finally checked myself in to an outpatient rehab. This allowed me to start reconnecting to other people in the program.
[ 25:00 ] What was it like after connecting with these people?
James – I immersed myself in recovery (reading, writing, dialytic behavior therapy). It was hard getting out of my comfort zone but I started communicating better with my girlfriend, I stopped lying and began telling everyone I was done with drinking.
[ 28:30 ] What were the reactions of the people you were telling?
James – I was surprised at the amount of support I was receiving. My friends would joke that I should have gone to outpatient rehab 3 years earlier. I also felt like people respected me more for the work that I was doing in recovery.
[ 30:21 ] What is your plan moving forward?
James – I am taking it 1 day at a time. Not drinking enables me to have the life that I want to have. I am trying new things and keeping recovery fresh.
[ 31:54 ] Paul and James discuss the passing of his father and how he is dealing with those feelings without using alcohol.
James – I feel like I have only scratched the surface of life without alcohol. The full extent of my father’s passing has not hit me yet. I want those feelings to come even if by a freight train.
[ 32:58 ] Which recovery tool is resonating with you right now?
James – Outpatient rehab has been the most helpful so far.
[ 34:12 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
May 20th in Bozeman MT is the AALRM (run for recovery). You can sign up for a virtual run at www.recoveryelevator.com/run. Enter promo code recoveryelevator to receive $5.00 off
DBT (dialytic behavior therapy) for people struggling with substance abuse problems, is a way to achieve self-acceptance while simultaneously accepting the need for change. There are four basic aspects to DBT: mindfulness, interpersonal relations, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance.
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Jeff, who has been sober since Dec 5, 2016, shares his story……
Paul starts the show recounting his 2 weeks visiting Hope Rehab in Thailand. (www.hope-rehab-center-thailand.com)
What I learned in Rehab
SHOW NOTES
[ 9:28 ] Jeff’s full e-mail to Paul is posted on the Recovery Elevator blog
www.recoveryelevator.com
[ 10:30 ] Tell us a little about yourself and when your last drink was.
Jeff – My last drink was on 12/4/16. I am originally from Denver, married and have a 17 year old son. I am entrepreneur who likes to fish and wakeboard.
[ 11:48 ] Did you ever try to put rules in place in order to control your drinking?
Jeff – I really had not tried to stop until this past fall. I would only spend a specified amount of money on alcohol or only drink on the weekends. This tango dance with booze never worked.
[ 14:08 ] Why do you call yourself a high bottom drinker?
Jeff – It took me a long time to label myself as a problem drinker. I got married young, I owned a small business, and was a normal drinker for a long time. I was able to justify my drinking because my life was good up to a point.
[ 17:57 ] When did you realize that you were not a normal drinker?
Jeff – By my late 20’s, my drinking was really progressing. I was living for the weekend parties with my neighbors. This was normal behavior among all of us. We would also hold church services at the house in which drinking was included.
[ 21:43 ] Walk us through your first DWI.
Jeff – We had gone out with all of the neighbors. Our designated driver had started drinking so I offered to drive us to the next restaurant. When I was pulled over, it was more embarrassing than anything. By 2008-2009, I was suddenly divorced and had primary care of my son. I was full of self-pity and this justified my drinking. Later that year I was out drinking and called my cousin to come pick me up. She had a few cocktails at the bar as well. She was driving us home later and swerved off of the road and we hit a concrete barrier. I still continued to drink after this.
[ 28:47 ] Paul and Jeff discuss how he successfully cut back drinking in 2016
Jeff – I still did not think that I had an alcohol problem. I thought it was more of a relationship problem. My current wife’s child was in the hospital and I suddenly thought that I did not want to end up there because of my drinking. I had a good marriage and a rock star son. I did not want to lose everything that I had.
[ 33:27 ] Tell us more about your obsession with alcohol.
Jeff – I could not get past the first step of admitting that my life was unmanageable. I still think that I can manage my life, just not as well. I finally realized that I couldn’t manage my life if I were dead. I started listening to the RE podcast.
[ 38:42 ] How do you feel now?
Jeff – I feel great on most days. It was hard over the holidays and I’ve had to break old traditions that involved alcohol. My wife keeps me accountable and suggested that we make new traditions. The RE podcast helps remind me of where I was.
[ 41:57 ] Rapid Fire Round
********If you want to stay sober, you’ve got to do the work********
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Send us an e-mail if you would like to volunteer at Hope Rehab in Thailand
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Shane with 3 days since his last drink, shares his story…..
Paul starts the show off by listing his reasons for quitting drinking:
SHOW NOTES
[ 8:58 ] Paul Introduces Shane. When was your last drink?
Shane – My last drink was on Christmas day (which was 3 days ago at the time of this interview). These past 3 days have been tough. I’ve been doing a lot of sweating.
[ 11:00 ] When did you first realize that you had a problem?
Shane – I received my first DWI when I was 18. That was my first time in jail and it was horrible. When I first starting drinking I thought I had found my soul mate.
[ 13:08 ] Tell us a little about yourself.
Shane – I am 32 years old and from California. I like to play tennis, golf and travel. I like to do anything outdoors. Booze took away the fun I used to have in these activities.
[ 14:26 ] Did you ever try to put rules in place in order to control your drinking?
Shane – You name the rule and I have tried it! I tried to limit myself to specific types of alcohol but would always forget the rule once I started drinking. The best rule you should remember is to just not drink.
[ 17:50 ] What is so different now?
Shane – I did not chicken out when I thought of calling Paul. I try to live in the moment and stay busy. I also try not think too far into the future.
[ 19:45 ] What was your bottom?
Shane – 1 bottom was that I was mentally draining my family constantly. Other bottoms were all of the 4 times I ended up in jail. I was basically blacking out my entire life. Alcohol made me feel like I was going crazy.
[ 24:40 ] You have mentioned a few times how bad going to jail was. Whose fault was it that jail was so bad?
Shane – It was my fault that I had ended up in there. But the guards were really harsh. The other inmates were fine.
[ 25:40 ] What have you lost to alcohol?
Shane – I’ve lost many days of my life and plenty of girlfriends.
[ 26:40 ] What happened this past Christmas day that made you want to stop drinking?
Shane – I’ve wanted to stop drinking for years. It had just become too exhausting to continue.
[ 28:50 ] How have you gotten 3 days so far?
Shane – Right now I do not feel like I am white knuckling it. I am not going to AA. I’ve had bad experiences with church in the past and AA has too much religion in it. Praying to a higher power does not work for me.
[ 31:53 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
www.alcoholmastery.com (by Kevin O’Hara)
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”