Elaine’s podcast: Throttle Podcast
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"Today, I want to talk about feelings…" Feelings. Fun, right? We often hear that “drinking is but a symptom…” But, what the hell does that mean? It means we have feelings, experiences, and other life situations that we don’t want to deal with, so we choose to cover them up with distractions, like drinking… “Two years and one week ago I used to drink all of these emotions away.” Through some serious research, Paul has discovered that dogs (thanks to Ben for being part of this study) can teach us something about these feelings. Ok, so it’s obvious that humans and dogs are different, but dogs can actually teach us how to lean into negative sensations and feelings… Take riding in a car for example, a dog (like Ben) will actually lean into uncomfortable sensations like curvy roads and the blowing wind. We can learn from our four-footed friends.
5 Strategies for Leaning Into Emotions:
[ 09:24 ] Paul Introduces Elaine.
Elaine’s last drink was 15 days ago! Elaine has lived in a number of cities across Canada. She’s in her 40s and does freelance work. She has been happily married for 25 years. She loves practicing karate (green belt), archery and riding her motorcycle. She is an introvert and an atheist. Elaine loves karate because of the mental part. “You really have to be focused and mindful.”
[ 13:44 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?
“That’s a long road…” This time around, Elaine has joined AA. “My husband came home one day and told me a story about a great friend who was doing AA and it completely changed my view of AA.” Elaine didn’t feel that she had a rock bottom, but really resonated with the group the first time she joined an AA meeting. “I just couldn’t fool myself any longer. It’s a really open and honest group and I am an alcoholic.”
[ 17:31 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?
It was a Wednesday, the day before we were leaving for a trip to my husband’s family cottage, typically a long-weekend that involved drinking. “It was a white-knuckle weekend. I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself.” Elaine realized that in prior years the cottage was always an excuse to drink.
[ 21:26 ] Talk to me about depression?
Elaine has lived with depression since her teens. “When you mix alcohol with depression, it’s never a good thing.” During bouts of depression, everything becomes very arduous. Elaine now has the awareness to notice when depression is creeping up on her. “I used to start off with a couple of cocktails, have wine while making dinner and during dinner, and then finish off the night with a few night-caps. I would wake up the next day and feel terrible and would spend the whole next day beating myself up about it (the depression and the drinking). It was a vicious cycle.”
[ 26:44 ] What have you learned about yourself in the last 15 days?
Elaine has learned that it is okay to feel really vulnerable and that it can be really hard to ask for help, but that she is also stronger than she thought and can do this and ask for help often.
[ 27:56 ] What is your plan moving forward?
Elaine plans to continue going to AA meetings where she finds a lot of strength in sharing stories with others and building camaraderie. “I really value their honesty. I find that alcoholism is like depression in a toolkit sense. I make sure that I get enough sleep, and I incorporate meditation and mindfulness. Fortunately, I have built these practices up in dealing with depression.”
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This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
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Paul on Lowering the bar… “I have a podcast about being okay with the way things are, and I’ll admit, this episode is not perfect, there are some things left out.” Paul has been sober for 730 days. “Life at two years sober is better than life 730 days ago… My anxiety, that has pretty much gone away. But, on day 729, I had a near meltdown… The bar of expectations I had put in place for myself, had slowly risen up over the past 1 ½ years. On day 730, I realized that I needed to be kind to myself, to be patient and to get realistic. 2 years is not a long time, I still have so much more to go. On day 729, self-loathing showed up… again… I was so far out of my comfort zone, but that is where the growth happens, and that is where I have been for the past year and a half. So, I’m lowering the bar, I’m going to take the time to observe what I’ve done, what’s going on around me and enjoy the moment. What’s my plan moving forward? Well, I’m not going to change a darn thing.” Paul is taking this one day at a time… One day at a time…
[ 10:16 ] Paul Introduces Kendall:
Kendall is 28 and has been sober for 130 days. “It feels great, I’m free. I don’t have to carry the weight of being drunk.” Kendall is from Lawrence, Kansas and moved to Montana 5 years ago as a professional painter, in his free time he likes to head up into the mountains.
[ 11:25 ] What made you want to stop?
Kendall surrendered to alcohol on the anniversary of a death of a best friend who died from a drunk driving accident. Kendall reset his sobriety date after smoking a bowl after attending another funeral of a close friend.
[ 13:42 ] What were your drinking habits like?
“I would drink at least a 12-pack if not more. I’d start in the morning just to calm the jitters, then the moment I got off work the fun began.” Kendall used rules like “no hard alcohol,” “just O’Douls,” anything to maintain his sanity. “I got to drinking on the job, anything to keep my mind on alcohol.” After being dismissed from a family Christmas dinner, Kendall knew something was up.
[ 16:28 ] How did you do it? (on choosing sobriety)
Kendall utilized the rules of AA. “They spoke my language, they have a plan and they know how to do it.” Kendall felt connected once he got a sponsor, a home group and started doing service. “It works if you work it.”
[ 17:55 ] “Drinking is but a symptom…” Kendall dives into this idea.
[ 18:32 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?
“Oh boy, was that something else!” Kendall’s brain was so hard wired to drink. “The people in the world aren’t the problem, I always played the victim… It was all me. Selfish and self-centered.”
“The moment that you’re able to accept some humility, that’s when the freedom begins.” Now, in sobriety, Kendall feels like the world is brighter and clearer. He can focus, eat and sleep, and do the things we do to be able to take care of ourselves. “It’s crazy how I’m now able to read a chapter and comprehend what I’m reading… It’s a gift.”
[ 23:36 ] What have you lost to alcohol?
“I’d say I lost my job, an education, an opportunity for an education, family, friends, relationships…”
[ 24:50 ] Have cravings come and what do you do to move forward? Kendall will pray and utilize his sponsor. “One time I went to the Wal-Mart parking lot and pushed carts back just to do something, to get out of my head.”
[ 27:34 ] What does your recovery portfolio look like today?
“The moment I wake up, I pray. I have gone through “the big book and the 12 & 12”. The first 30 minutes of my day are all geared towards AA. I use the serenity prayer. The moment I get off work I go to a meeting, come home, cook dinner and go to bed. I like to keep it simple."
“Sobriety is just straight up nothing.” - Paul
“Deep down I needed an answer, I needed a solution… Really, I needed to check into reality…” - Kendall
“I’m able to be Kendall, the Kendall that everybody knew that I could be when I put the bottle down.” - Kendall
“What is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular.” - Kendall
“You might be an alcoholic if after your 3rd DUI and losing 2 best friends to alcohol, you think you still don’t have a problem with alcohol.” - Kendall
“You don’t have to hangout with people you don’t like.” - Paul
Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com
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This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
Join Cafe RE in April for a trip to PERU! Trip details can be found here: http://www.recoveryelevator.com/peru/
Reddit Stop Drinking Forum - /r/stopdrinking
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Paul Introduces Chad
Chad has been sober for 37 days! Boom! Chad racked up about 2.5 years of sobriety in a previous life... "It doesn't get any easier. The best thing you can do is to get sober and stay sober." Chad is 25 and works in the communications field. He was born and raised in Atlanta and has lived all over the world. Chad is currently single (and recommends staying this way in early sobriety). Chad is really into backpacking... He got totally hooked during his time in rehab.
What were your drinking habits like?
"I avoided drinking and other habits until the summer before I went to college. I was afraid that something would happen to me if I drank. Little did I realize that that would become a self-fulfilling prophecy." Chad joined a fraternity in college and was drinking close to a 750ml of "nasty" Burnett's vodka a day...
Did you ever try to “cut-back” and put rules in place?
"You name it, I did it... But nothing ever worked." Chad went to rehab around age 22/23 to a place in the Pisgah National Forest, where he relearned how to live life -- survival techniques, meditation, etc. Chad attributes the program to his sobriety.
After 2.5 years of sobriety, what was your shoelace? What made you drink again...?
"Oh man, as with so many men in sobriety, it was a lady friend..." Chad was going on a first date with a girl that he perceived to be way out of his league... Chad was so nervous and remembered how embarrassed he would feel if he had to explain on a first date that he doesn't drink... Looking back, Chad now knows that honesty is the answer. "One drink led to two drinks... And three months later I was back to blacking-out..." The girl left Chad after two months when she realized something just wasn't right. Chad believes that he had this experience so that he could add it to the long list of reasons why he doesn't drink.
Chad talks about recovery and his recovery portfolio.
Chad is working with a sponsor (AA) as he feels that he needs to get relief quickly. Chad is working one step every week right now -- it's like a mini 12-week program. AA is working for Chad and he is going to keep doing it... Besides listening to the RE podcast (Chad's favorites are RE 67 with Buddy and any that highlight the newly sober). "These relationships that we form (in recovery) go way beyond the face value of most relationships. People in recovery can relate on such a deeper level."
When your next shoelace comes, when life happens, what do you plan on doing differently?
Chad is now asking for help. "It's admitting that you need help, that I need to reach out for additional resources. I see this as a sign of being a man." It's calling his sponsor, connecting with his recovery groups/contacts, and listening to the RE podcast. It is a courageous thing to be vulnerable and ask for help.
Who's your favorite Atlanta hip-hop star?
Listen in to get an update on ATL stars from Paul & Chad!
"When you make it through a craving, that feeling of accomplishment, that general good feeling... That's the new high that I'm chasing." - Chad
"I'm finally doing it for myself, not for other people." - Chad
"You might be an alcoholic if you get behind the wheel of a car with 2-bottles of vodka and end up floatin' in a canoe in Raven Co. where they filmed Deliverance... You might have a problem." - Chad
Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com
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Rockstars Who are Sober:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/recovery/12-rock-stars-proud-to-be-sober/#/most-popular
Good reads mentioned by Julie:
Drinking: A Love Story, by Caroline Knapp
Let's Take the Long Way Home: A Memoir of Friendship, by Gail Caldwell
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Paul Introduces Julie
Julie has been sober for 118 days. Julie is 46, she grew up in Annapolis and Germany. She has been working with the same marketing company for 20 years. Julie is on her 4th year in a relationship with a great guy who is a normal drinker. She loves to stay active and be outside.
What are you going to do differently this time?
Julie was sober for 129 days before relapsing at a wedding. Now, the next thing for her is to get to 130 days. Julie was “white-knuckling” it, doing it all on her own. This time around, the difference is that Julie is reaching out and connecting through Cafe RE, sober friends, and she is holding herself accountable.
Julie speaks on how to tell your friends, “I don’t drink,”
Talk to me about your bottom?
“I let down a friend. I had promised to help a friend at a certain time. I drank. And I passed out… Sleeping through my commitment.” Despite many other signs that somehow didn’t get Julie to quit for very long… this was the final trigger. “I’d have many incidents where I would stop for one to three days, but this last one was it.”
What were your drinking habits like?
“I was a wine drinker. When one (referring to either 'red' or 'white') would present a problem to me, I would switch. Sometimes it was ‘red’ and then it was ‘white.’ I don’t like beer or hard liquor. In High School I felt that my shyness was hurting me, so I started drinking to “loosen-up.” Come college, I’d be the one passed out on the couch. It never occurred to me that I had a problem. In my 30s, it got pretty scary. I started drinking alone. I just took the ball and ran with it.”
Did you ever try to “cut-back” and put rules in place?
Julie played games. The ‘red’ wine, ‘white’ wine game. She wouldn’t keep wine in the house, but would play games where she based her whole lifestyle around the wine shop hours. She used day/time constraints to “control” the drinking… Shockingly, it didn’t work. “I remember standing on my front porch thinking, drinking is my biggest problem ever.” Julie used to drink to calm her anxiety, but what she found was that drinking actually caused anxiety.
Walk me through the start of your sobriety.
“Whatever works for you, grab it and go with it!” Julie does not participate in AA, but sees it as a very valid way to support a sober journey. Julie uses the Cafe RE Facebook group to connect and create sober like-minded friends. Julie reads a lot of books, listens to podcasts, and connects with others.
What does your recovery portfolio look like today?
“In recovery, I have a whole lot more free time.” Julie is very connected to Cafe RE’s Facebook Group (unsearchable and private group).
“That’s the thing I didn’t know about our problem, it doesn’t back dial. It just picks up right where you left off.” - Julie
“There is no better time to get sober. If today is the very best day to quit alcohol, do it.” - Paul
“You might be an alcoholic is you shop for the test online that is going to tell you that you aren’t an alcoholic.” - Julie
We can learn from the past. Although some stories are not so bright, we can learn from the successes and the tragedies of others. Some of the musicians below made it and are still able to share their art and creativity with the world... Unfortunately, some were not so lucky and left this world too early.
Steven Tyler - The Aerosmith frontman maintained sobriety for 12 years when he became seriously clean in 1988. Though that streak was compromised by a relapse into prescription drug addiction in 2006, Tyler checked himself into the Betty Ford Clinic three years later and has said to be dedicated to his sobriety ever since.
Neil Young - Young finally commented publicly about his sobriety two years ago, stating that he had achieved sobriety in 2011 after decades of alcohol and drug use. According to Young, he wanted to see what his life would look like from a sober perspective and has been going strong, viewing life with a new lens for over three years now.
Eric Clapton - Clapton, who has made a career off of his work with Cream as well as his solo work, has been sober since the late 1980s. He is publicly dedicated to recovery, holding benefit concerts and acting as founder of Crossroads Centre, an addiction treatment center in Antigua.
Elton John - Elton John has been sober for over 20 years. The main source of inspiration for his own sobriety was witnessing the death of Ryan White, an Indiana teenager and poster child for HIV/AIDS. John felt that as a gay man he needed to get his life together to help those suffering from HIV. According to many different sources, John claims that getting sober has been his greatest achievement.
Ringo Starr - The drummer from The Beatles has been sober since the 80s-- a time which he has referred to as an “alcoholic haze.” Today, he exercises three times a week, practices daily meditation and is a vegetarian.
Tom Waits - Known for his booze-drenched voice and persona, Waits has been sober for over 20 years now and credits his wife Kathleen in helping him get there. The singer went to AA and though he’s happy to be in recovery now, says that it was a struggle.
Keith Urban - Keith Urban has battled with drug and alcohol addiction since the 90s and also salutes his wife, Nicole Kidman, for intervening and helping him achieve sobriety--though he also indirectly attributes her to be the cause of his relapse. After being sober for six years in 2004, Urban found himself drinking again after marrying Kidman and having to cope with time apart during her filming obligations. One day, after returning home from a shoot, Kidman staged an intervention. Urban reentered rehab in October 2006 and rededicated himself to sobriety.
Anthony Kiedis - Kiedis, the singer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, has been sober for years after having grown up alongside an addict (his father) and later becoming one himself. Now, he’s dedicated to fitness and Men’s Fitness has listed him as having one of the best rock star abs.
Chris Martin - Coldplay’s front man openly talks about the days when he used to use, but he is now dedicated to clean and sober living. In fact the musician doesn’t even drink coffee today.
James Hetfield - The Metallica singer entered rehab in 2001 and has been sober ever since. His journey has been documented in the film Some Kind of Monster.
Moby - Moby is known for his straight-edge Christian (though he’s not really Christian) look but this musician had more passed-out drunk moments than revelations in the 90s. After fearing that he was going to lose his memory from all the drug use, he left New York a few years ago to start over in LA and began attending AA meetings.
David Bowie - Bowie spent decades off the wagon due to a heavy cocaine addiction, but finally kicked the habit sometime in his 50s. Now, at the age of 68, he is enjoying a full life in sobriety with model wife Iman.
Amy Winehouse - Honorable British musician Amy Winehouse died of an alcohol addiction in 2011. Known for her eclectic style and deep contralto vocals, Winehouse had much going for her but turned to drugs and alcohol due to stress and her sad life story. ***Tune in to RE81 for a full story on Amy Winehouse, her struggle and ultimate demise from alcohol.***
Whitney Houston - Singer Whitney Houston, cited by the Guinness World Records as the most awarded female act of all time, was repeatedly in and out of rehab. She passed away in 2012, allegedly as a result of her addiction.
Flava Flav - Rapper Flava Flav has had his license suspended as a result of DUIs at least 43 times.
Billie Holiday - Holiday suffered from alcoholism for most of her life. She died of pulmonary edema and heart failure caused by alcohol induced cirrhosis of the liver on July 17,1959. She was 44 years old.
Bon Scott - AC/DC singer Bon Scott died of alcohol poisoning combined with choking on his own vomit after night of heavy drinking on February 19, 1980. He was 33 years old.
Hank Williams (the original) - On January 1, 1953, Hank Williams died as a result of hemorrhages in his heart and neck. His chronic alcohol abuse was believed to be a factor in his death at age 29.
Jim Morrison - On July 3, 1971, Jim Morrison died of a heroin overdose after a night of heavy drinking (accounts are hazy and disputed, but we’re going to allow his inclusion). He was 27 years old.
John Bonham - On September 25 1980, Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham died after drinking over one liter of vodka. He died choking on his own vomit. He was 32 years old.
Keith Whitley - Country musician Keith Whitley died of alcoholism on May 9, 1989. His blood alcohol level was .47 at the time of his death. Whitley was 34 years old.
Lester Young - On March 15, 1959, Jazz musician Lester Young died from heart failure after years of alcohol abuse. He was 49 years old.
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