Episode 388 - Identity
Today we have Liz. She is 55, from Bend, OR, and has been sober for five months.
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Highlights from Kris
After returning from a trip to DC, Kris realized that connecting his identity to his accomplishments is something he left behind. Presenting his achievements as a “Who I Am” was typical for Kris when he was in active addiction. Kris hoped that showing others the good in him might help him to see the good in himself. Approval seeking was directly linked to his self-worth and what others thought of him. This created conflict because Kris felt like he was leading a double life: the list of accomplishments he shared with others and the poor self-esteem that felt more like the “real Kris.”
Ultimately, Kris hit a tipping point that led to his recovery. During those early days, he identified with the bad things he had done while drinking. With treatment, counseling, and spiritual support, Kris learned that he was responsible for his harmful behavior but eventually realized that what he did wasn’t who he was. He had to clean up, but he gained clarity on what he did vs. who he is.
Kris found a new identity in recovery. The greater good prevails, and instead of looking for an atta boy, he tries to connect to how he can be part of something bigger.
Kris asks listeners where they find their identity? Does it bring you peace? Can you make shifts in your identity without shame?
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[10:45] Liz has been sober for five months. She is from California, has two dogs, works for a healthcare start-up, and enjoys entertaining, cooking, gardening, and music.
Alcohol was part of Liz’s life from an early age. She described a lot of drama and trauma in her childhood. She developed a fear of drinking while observing her parent’s drinking.
Liz and Kris talked about the behaviors we develop in childhood because of trauma and learning to give yourself grace as you reconcile those behaviors and learn healthier ones. They discussed how shame doesn’t support your recovery. They also talked about surrender being an essential step in recovering yourself.
Liz relies on Recovery Elevator and Café RE, meditation, self-care, recovery tools, and community to support her sobriety.
Kris talks about embracing challenges and turning them around to support the greater good. Move forward with grace, love and encouragement. Learn to love yourself and share that love with others. If you feel stuck in your story, know you are not alone. Keep it simple and focus on the next right here. We are here for you.
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You’re the only one who can do this, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.