Bonus Episode – Odette and Paul answer listeners questions
Odette said, stay on your lane. The more you focus on him, the less you will focus on your healing and your journey. In learning about yourself and healing yourself, you can start to implement boundaries and assert your needs vs. obsess over how much he is drinking. Therapy helps. Pull your energies back to yourself.
Paul said you can get started on 2.0 version of your life. So much more is packed into this than just quitting drinking. You are stepping out of the norm, roles, identities, and labels in your family. Learn to set boundaries, overcome the need to please. Give it time, and they're watching. This doesn't mean they aren't supportive. They are on their own journey as well.
The podcast will evolve to include additional voices. Paul will return in some capacity.
Retreats (Rustic Retreats, like Bozeman, Hotel events, retreat centers, and AF travel).
A Retreat Center is contemplated.
A Rat Park experiment, an in-person community, is being considered.
Odette has used different tools but consistently exercises, sees a therapist, stays connected via on-line chats and in-person meet-ups that are COVID safe.
Paul said the most challenging and most rewarding experience in his life was quitting drinking. Paul left Bozeman for his first month of sobriety because there were too many triggers. He took long walks for 30 days, particularly to a fantastic waterfall. As his recovery evolved, he is mindful of the interchange. He goes to his internal connection, and the outside triggers stopped affecting him. He found some inner peace.
Odette said, no, senor!
In the first few years, Paul said he had thoughts of drinking, and he was in the victim role – longing for the old days when he could drink normally. Now his energy has changed, and his life now has no space for alcohol or drinking.
Odette said the opposite of addiction is connection. It's a great time to be sober with virtual meetings, sober curious groups, courses, and friends who are always focused on learning and being better.
Paul said there are infinite ways to Ditch the Booze. Paul's buddies have ditched the booze, and AA was not part of their journey. He believes the community is vital to long-term sobriety. It doesn't have to be AA – and humans are social animals.
Paul said nothing was thriving when he was drinking. Some parts of his life started to thrive nearly immediately when he quit drinking. Within 14 days, he felt better. The spiritual component of his life has become vital to him. He is more tethered and can weather emotional storms. Today chaos, while momentary, ultimately leads to thriving for Paul.
Odette said her definition of thriving has changed. She goes within. Thriving is about peace, knowing herself, and understanding the reality of co-existing with others. It's not about the perfect Instagram profile. Odette thrives even on her dip days. Her growing pains lead to thriving.
Paul said Dr. David Nutt (2011 UK) said alcohol is the most addictive drug and causes the most devastating effects on society. Number 20 was magic mushrooms. Paul's experiences with plant medicines have been non-addictive. In the right setting, they do not lead to a return to alcohol. The right setting is critical. Guided therapy sessions will help the intense inner work.
Odette said, play the tape forward. Romanticizing is just an illusion. She remembers not to give up what she wants for that drink.
Paul described the ism and euphoric recall. Its why women continue to have babies. They don't accurately remember the pain. Paul's memory was about playing football. The mind has 60-70K thoughts a day, and most of them are wrong. Questioning your thoughts is a great practice.
Paul suggests structure in all of his courses. The days with structure are easier to get through. Paul has taken Spanish classes or city tours, or AA meetings to build in structure and routine. Double down on the routine.
Odette said listen to Episode 312. There are so many connections between alcohol and eating disorders. She took other's hands until she could do it for herself. She is grateful for her body. She has bad body image days but tries to do the best for her body. Protect your energy! Odette is happy to speak to people about this challenge.
Paul talks about music is all about love. Saying goodbye to alcohol is a Dear John letter. Give yourself time to grieve and let the neurons no longer fire together. It's a non-issue for Paul today.
Odette spoke about the progression of healing. It does get better.
Odette said sleep, vitamins, water, good food, and Vitamin D – get outside.
Paul said, get outside and get outside with your shoes off. Lemon water, cocoa water, take a nap if you are tired.
Paul said spirituality wasn't his thing, but at about 3.5 years in, April 14, he recognized something beautiful was at play. He has learned to enjoy the mystery and the magic. He doesn't have all of the answers and embraces that.
Odette believes that things are presented to you when you are ready. Stay curious, be patient. Value bomb – time has its own time.
Paul said, recognize with an awareness that it's there.
Odette likes the gut check she gets when she realizes her recovering control freak is a daily practice. She leans on friends for support.
Odette said, stay the course, don't be co-dependent. Don't add resistance. Hold space for your loved one.
Paul said, be the change you want to see. We grow from our crash and burn?
Paul and Odette are well connected, including the transition. The idea just came, and it worked beautifully. Odette's immediate yes came from her heart.
We all suck at asking for and accepting help. Paul needed help, and Odette stepped up.
Odette knows we all need each other. When she has dip days, she shows up and gets more when she shows up for others.
Odette said self and radical honesty is what and genuine and authentic to yourself. Challenge yourself, but do what works for yourself, your mental accountability, and your peace.
Paul said we often disassociate ourselves from nature. Paul knows burning the ships can be challenging, and he's had some delicate moments. His opportunities with vulnerability have worked with him everywhere. It opens up the door for a deeper connection.
Paul said he had a meltdown after his sixth episode, and he asked for help, and he was supported incredibly and learned how burning the ships worked in his favor and asking for help became an incredible experience. Vulnerability opens so many doors.
Odette described that parenting is tough! Many parents try to stay sober for their kids, and parenting can be super triggering. Odette loves her kids to death, but she is reinventing the Mommy culture. Parenting is tough, but she knows alcohol isn't her answer, and she has a great support system.
Paul said green light for naltrexone. It helps in the short term, great. Paul said Antabuse is a violent fear motivator. Your recovery is more helpful with loving yourself.
Odette said moderation works until it doesn't, and it pretty much doesn't do the trick. We all just want love and acceptance. Odette appreciates the courage of everyone that dares to come on the show.
Paul discussed, there is trauma with a big T, and little t, addiction to alcohol says something in our life is out of balance, we are all fundamentally good people,
there is part of our unconscious that doesn't want to stop drinking, and we need to overcome our fear.
Odette said she doesn't like advising busy moms – she only has two kids. She suggested making yourself a priority, and when you do, your children will learn that as well. Take care of yourself. You are not exempt from pain or failure. It takes a village to raise children, ask for help!
Paul said you could get addicted to your thoughts. Your thoughts function in the known. The body tries to anchor you back to your old self.
Odette said, find your new normal.
Paul added, enjoy your life. It doesn't have to be hard. You can ask for help. Paul gave a big shout-out for all of the good questions and he and Odette had a blast.