Henk, 5 years sober, shares his story…..
How do most people get sober? We all assume that it is through rehab or 12 step programs and that your odds are slim if you try to do it on your own (www.addiction.com). During the 1980’s an idea was promoted that the only way you could get and stay sober was through rehab programs or AA. However, a study that followed problem drinkers from 2001-2005 showed that 85% of these drinkers got sober without any outside help (a phenomenon known as spontaneous or natural remission recovery). It should be noted that the majority of these people still had strong support systems at home and in their community.
SHOW NOTES
[ 7:53 ] How long have you been sober?
Henk – I have been sober since Sept 13, 2010. I am originally from Holland but now live in Thailand where I for work for Hope Rehab. I also love to ride motor bikes.
[ 9:30 ] When did you realize that you had a problem?
Henk – I have been in and out of various treatment facilities since I was 23. At the age of 13, I began drinking and using drugs. This quickly escalated into selling drugs at the age of 15. By the time I turned 30, I had been in 5 long term treatment programs. They did not work because I did not want to stop drinking, I just wanted the problems to stop.
[ 11:15 ] Do you think that alcohol is the gateway drink?
Henk – Yes, when I drank I became a completely different person. We believe that it is more alcohol than marijuana that leads to destructive behavior.
[ 12:29 ] Paul and Henk discuss what lead him to finally seek treatment
Henk – My family did not want anything to do with me anymore. I had racked up high debts and I could not even take care of myself. I was living in dilapidated conditions. I finally realized that you cannot run away from what is in your head. You cannot drink those thoughts away.
[ 13:37 ] What was the biggest difference between your last 2 rehabs?
Henk – I had lost everything and was mentally and physically dying. I decided that I could not go back to that kind of life.
[ 15:00 ] Paul and Henk discuss the “gift” of desperation
Henk – The gift of desperation is very painful but it helped get me clean. It made me realize what I had done to myself.
[ 16:32 ] Paul and Henk discuss the value of a fishing rod
Henk – Right after leaving treatment, I found that I had no hobbies and no friends. I had to find some type of higher power and since I had a love of nature, I decided to buy a fishing pole. Anytime I was bored, angry, and lonely or upset, I would go to the canal and sit with my fishing pole. I would feel the wind and watch the water move. It really helped settle my mind. I also bought a pair of running shoes and began running. It was time to move forward.
[ 21:47 ] Paul and Henk discuss the classroom exercise he observed while visiting Hope Rehab in Thailand
Henk – I try to make the patients understand that work is needed if you want to remain sober. Relapse rates are very high and I try to stress the importance of putting in the effort. You want to remain sober? You’ve got to do the work.
[ 25:20 ] How are you staying sober now?
Henk – My sobriety is still my #1 priority. I have a sponsor and still go to meetings, especially when I travel. Since I work in a rehab facility, I am constantly seeing new comers. It helps remind me that addiction is so painful. When I reached 1 year of sobriety myself, I had tears running down my face because I could not believe that I had done it!
[ 27:50] What are your thoughts on relapse?
Henk – Relapse is a sign of some type of reservation in recovery. As alcoholics, we can think of a million reasons to drink. Nothing that happens to you justifies a relapse. Drinking only makes it worse.
[ 30:39 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
James, with 79 days sober, shares his story……..
Paul starts the show by recommending Annie Grace’s video course on how to get started in sobriety and how to make lasting changes. www.recoveryelevatory.com/Annie. Enter promo code elevator50 to receive $50 off.
Does getting sober mean simply not drinking? No – not drinking equals a dry drunk. Getting stuck as a dry drunk also means that your life will not be as happy and fulfilling as it should be. This can lead to a slow downhill decline until you pick up drinking again. If giving up alcohol feels like a punishment, than you have entered into dry drunk land (www.alcoholrehab.com). Recovery does not mean returning to the life you had before drinking; it means moving through the challenges of what life throws your way.
Symptoms of a dry drunk:
Getting involved in meetings and being engaged in your recovery program can help you recognize these symptoms. If you feel like a dry drunk, you should examine your program to see what is missing.
SHOW NOTES
[ 12:30 ] Paul Introduces James who has been sober for 79 days. James feels lucky that the gifts and goodness of sobriety have come to him already.
[ 13:15 ] James is 29 years old, lives in NJ and sells software. He enjoys going to the gym daily and golfing.
[ 14:53 ] James discusses his drinking history
James – I was your typical teenage binge drinker. When I went to college, I got involved with religion and the Bible and really did not drink much. After college, I ended up taking a job on Wall Street where drinking and drugs were prevalent. Even though I was drinking just like everyone else, I still struggled with my internal beliefs (Why are we all here?). I was making good money on Wall Street but my addictions kept me from making emotional connections.
[19:25 ] James discusses how drugs and alcohol were only the solution. Reality was the real problem.
James – I wanted to be able to look back on my life with pleasure regarding my relationships and the bonds that I had formed. Alcohol and drugs were keeping me from reaching this ultimate goal. I had tried to control my drinking but finally the pain was just too much to take.
[ 21:06 ] James discusses his rock bottom
James – I had been skidding against the rock for quite a while. I would go 3-4 weeks without drinking and then would just tear it up. This behavior went on for 2-3 years. It was like having 2 separate lives. I finally checked myself in to an outpatient rehab. This allowed me to start reconnecting to other people in the program.
[ 25:00 ] What was it like after connecting with these people?
James – I immersed myself in recovery (reading, writing, dialytic behavior therapy). It was hard getting out of my comfort zone but I started communicating better with my girlfriend, I stopped lying and began telling everyone I was done with drinking.
[ 28:30 ] What were the reactions of the people you were telling?
James – I was surprised at the amount of support I was receiving. My friends would joke that I should have gone to outpatient rehab 3 years earlier. I also felt like people respected me more for the work that I was doing in recovery.
[ 30:21 ] What is your plan moving forward?
James – I am taking it 1 day at a time. Not drinking enables me to have the life that I want to have. I am trying new things and keeping recovery fresh.
[ 31:54 ] Paul and James discuss the passing of his father and how he is dealing with those feelings without using alcohol.
James – I feel like I have only scratched the surface of life without alcohol. The full extent of my father’s passing has not hit me yet. I want those feelings to come even if by a freight train.
[ 32:58 ] Which recovery tool is resonating with you right now?
James – Outpatient rehab has been the most helpful so far.
[ 34:12 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
May 20th in Bozeman MT is the AALRM (run for recovery). You can sign up for a virtual run at www.recoveryelevator.com/run. Enter promo code recoveryelevator to receive $5.00 off
DBT (dialytic behavior therapy) for people struggling with substance abuse problems, is a way to achieve self-acceptance while simultaneously accepting the need for change. There are four basic aspects to DBT: mindfulness, interpersonal relations, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance.
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Jeff, who has been sober since Dec 5, 2016, shares his story……
Paul starts the show recounting his 2 weeks visiting Hope Rehab in Thailand. (www.hope-rehab-center-thailand.com)
What I learned in Rehab
SHOW NOTES
[ 9:28 ] Jeff’s full e-mail to Paul is posted on the Recovery Elevator blog
www.recoveryelevator.com
[ 10:30 ] Tell us a little about yourself and when your last drink was.
Jeff – My last drink was on 12/4/16. I am originally from Denver, married and have a 17 year old son. I am entrepreneur who likes to fish and wakeboard.
[ 11:48 ] Did you ever try to put rules in place in order to control your drinking?
Jeff – I really had not tried to stop until this past fall. I would only spend a specified amount of money on alcohol or only drink on the weekends. This tango dance with booze never worked.
[ 14:08 ] Why do you call yourself a high bottom drinker?
Jeff – It took me a long time to label myself as a problem drinker. I got married young, I owned a small business, and was a normal drinker for a long time. I was able to justify my drinking because my life was good up to a point.
[ 17:57 ] When did you realize that you were not a normal drinker?
Jeff – By my late 20’s, my drinking was really progressing. I was living for the weekend parties with my neighbors. This was normal behavior among all of us. We would also hold church services at the house in which drinking was included.
[ 21:43 ] Walk us through your first DWI.
Jeff – We had gone out with all of the neighbors. Our designated driver had started drinking so I offered to drive us to the next restaurant. When I was pulled over, it was more embarrassing than anything. By 2008-2009, I was suddenly divorced and had primary care of my son. I was full of self-pity and this justified my drinking. Later that year I was out drinking and called my cousin to come pick me up. She had a few cocktails at the bar as well. She was driving us home later and swerved off of the road and we hit a concrete barrier. I still continued to drink after this.
[ 28:47 ] Paul and Jeff discuss how he successfully cut back drinking in 2016
Jeff – I still did not think that I had an alcohol problem. I thought it was more of a relationship problem. My current wife’s child was in the hospital and I suddenly thought that I did not want to end up there because of my drinking. I had a good marriage and a rock star son. I did not want to lose everything that I had.
[ 33:27 ] Tell us more about your obsession with alcohol.
Jeff – I could not get past the first step of admitting that my life was unmanageable. I still think that I can manage my life, just not as well. I finally realized that I couldn’t manage my life if I were dead. I started listening to the RE podcast.
[ 38:42 ] How do you feel now?
Jeff – I feel great on most days. It was hard over the holidays and I’ve had to break old traditions that involved alcohol. My wife keeps me accountable and suggested that we make new traditions. The RE podcast helps remind me of where I was.
[ 41:57 ] Rapid Fire Round
********If you want to stay sober, you’ve got to do the work********
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Send us an e-mail if you would like to volunteer at Hope Rehab in Thailand
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Shane with 3 days since his last drink, shares his story…..
Paul starts the show off by listing his reasons for quitting drinking:
SHOW NOTES
[ 8:58 ] Paul Introduces Shane. When was your last drink?
Shane – My last drink was on Christmas day (which was 3 days ago at the time of this interview). These past 3 days have been tough. I’ve been doing a lot of sweating.
[ 11:00 ] When did you first realize that you had a problem?
Shane – I received my first DWI when I was 18. That was my first time in jail and it was horrible. When I first starting drinking I thought I had found my soul mate.
[ 13:08 ] Tell us a little about yourself.
Shane – I am 32 years old and from California. I like to play tennis, golf and travel. I like to do anything outdoors. Booze took away the fun I used to have in these activities.
[ 14:26 ] Did you ever try to put rules in place in order to control your drinking?
Shane – You name the rule and I have tried it! I tried to limit myself to specific types of alcohol but would always forget the rule once I started drinking. The best rule you should remember is to just not drink.
[ 17:50 ] What is so different now?
Shane – I did not chicken out when I thought of calling Paul. I try to live in the moment and stay busy. I also try not think too far into the future.
[ 19:45 ] What was your bottom?
Shane – 1 bottom was that I was mentally draining my family constantly. Other bottoms were all of the 4 times I ended up in jail. I was basically blacking out my entire life. Alcohol made me feel like I was going crazy.
[ 24:40 ] You have mentioned a few times how bad going to jail was. Whose fault was it that jail was so bad?
Shane – It was my fault that I had ended up in there. But the guards were really harsh. The other inmates were fine.
[ 25:40 ] What have you lost to alcohol?
Shane – I’ve lost many days of my life and plenty of girlfriends.
[ 26:40 ] What happened this past Christmas day that made you want to stop drinking?
Shane – I’ve wanted to stop drinking for years. It had just become too exhausting to continue.
[ 28:50 ] How have you gotten 3 days so far?
Shane – Right now I do not feel like I am white knuckling it. I am not going to AA. I’ve had bad experiences with church in the past and AA has too much religion in it. Praying to a higher power does not work for me.
[ 31:53 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
www.alcoholmastery.com (by Kevin O’Hara)
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Amelia, with 79 days since her last drink, shares her story……
According to the HBO documentary, Risky Drinking, 70% of people drink. Most drinkers fall within the following spectrum: no risk, low risk, mid risk, moderate risk, severe and death. The documentary chronicles 4 people in different stages of alcoholism. If you are drinking to fix the problem that drinking has caused, you may need to watch this program and see where you fall on the spectrum.
SHOW NOTES
[ 10:39 ] Paul Introduces Amelia who’s last drink was on 10/10/16.
[ 11:12 ] Have you had any close calls since you stopped drinking?
Amelia – Not really, although I was pretty irritable during Christmas time. Instead of drinking, I just went to bed.
[ 11:48 ] Tell us a little about yourself.
Amelia – I was born and raised in San Francisco. I am a social worker and work with children in the foster care system. I love to watch baseball games and travel.
[ 13:19 ] When did you realize that you had a problem with alcohol?
Amelia – I started noticing I had a problem approximately 10 years ago, but I was always able to justify my behavior. 79 days ago, I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired!
[ 14:32 ] Did you ever put rules into place to try and moderate your drinking?
Amelia – I would try to drink only at night and on the weekends. After a hard days’ work, I felt like I deserved it. I had not had any bad consequences yet so this helped justify my drinking. Soon I implemented the “it’s 5 o’clock somewhere” mentality.
[ 15:56 ] Did you have a bottom?
Amelia – I was kicked out of the Peace Corp for drinking too much. It was Independence Day in the Caribbean and after drinking all day, I decided that I wanted to go home. I ended up walking 7 miles in the rain back to my apartment with a co-worker. I would also not report to the Peace Corp my location at all times and this was a requirement.
[ 18:42 ] How did you get to 79 days without alcohol?
Amelia – I had a phone call with my parents to wish them a Happy Anniversary. I did not remember the phone call at all the following morning. It was a total blackout. I had asked myself, “Do I really want to be this person?” I called a friend who I trusted and they encouraged me to go to an AA meeting. I felt accountable.
[ 20:21 ] Tell us more about this accountability piece?
Amelia – I had spoken to this same friend about my concerns with alcohol about a year before. I also spoke to my mother. She informed me that she had attended an Al-Anon meeting 1 year ago as well because she too was concerned with my drinking.
[ 22:53 ] What was it like having repeated bottoms?
Amelia – I never thought they were real or deep bottoms. I did not have consequences or anything taken away from me because of my drinking yet.
[ 24:40 ] What do you think would happen if you drink again?
Amelia – It would be just a matter of time before something really bad happened.
[ 26:00 ] What is your plan going forward?
Amelia – So far AA has been working. If I think about drinking, I just follow the drunk all of the way to the end. I am attending the RE Retreat in Montana so that will hold myself accountable. Soon, I would like to start working the steps.
[ 30:12 ] What have you learned most about yourself?
Amelia – that I can be happy and have a better life without drinking.
[ 31:00 ] What advice would you give your younger self?
Amelia – to look at your bottoms and see them for what they really are. I would also listen more to my mother when she told me how alcoholism runs in our family.
[ 33:00 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Erik, with 67 days since his last drink, shares his story….
What exactly is alcohol and how is it created? According to the book, Beyond the Influence, by Katherine Ketcham, the basic ingredient of alcohol is yeast. Let’s just call it what it is; yeast dung to be exact. The yeast eventually dies off during the fermenting process leaving alcohol in its’ basic form, which is ethanol. That’s right folks! We have been consuming the same ingredient that is used in lacquer and dyes. Once we drink, the alcohol quickly passes through our cell membranes and enters the blood stream. Depending on our age, gender, or whether or not we have eaten, etc., alcohol affects us all differently. Beyond just the physically changes, alcohol also affects our emotional state. It has been known to exacerbate anxiety, stress and fatigue by triggering the body to release adrenaline artificially. No wonder those hang overs are so awful!
SHOW NOTES
[ 10:44 ] Paul Introduces Erik and asks when was his last drink?
Erik – 67 days ago and it feels good on most days
[ 11:13 ] Erik tell us a little about himself.
Erik – I am 31 years old and currently live in Dallas. I play and teach music and also enjoy cooking and exercise.
[ 13:42 ] When did you realize you had a problem with drinking?
Erik – After graduating from college, consequences started happening. I had crashed a few cars and received a few DWI’s.
[ 15:11 ] Did you ever try to implement rules in order to moderate your drinking?
Erik – I was not real great at even putting rules into place. But I had an interlock (breathalyzer) put on my car and would try to moderate so that I could still start the car. One time I blew over the limit 3 times. I was more of a binge drinker. Once I started, I could not stop drinking.
[ 17:24 ] After your probation ended, you started drinking again. What happened?
Erik – When you are on probation, I think mentally you are just waiting for the time to be over. Once it is over, you can drink again. I continued to drink for 2-3 years without suffering any real consequences.
[ 19:00 ] Did your drinking progress or remain the same?
Erik – It progressed and I started driving when I shouldn’t be again. I also started experiencing episodes of anger and rage, which was completely uncharacteristic of me.
[ 20:45 ] Erik shares a recent story of a wedding he attended.
Erik – I was running late for a wedding in which I was a groomsman. My mind made this a much bigger deal than it actually was so when I finally arrived, I headed straight to the bar. I stumbled to the service and was late for the photo shoot. I continued to drink and my mood kept deteriorating. After the wedding was over, I went to the after party and eventually blacked out. When I came to, I was in the middle of a brawl with a friend. I was very disappointed in myself and was worried that I had destroyed some friendships.
[ 27:45 ] How did you get to 67 days without drinking?
Erik – I had worked the AA program many years ago and basically got re-plugged in. I reached out to some previous people that I knew in the program, started going to meetings and got a sponsor.
[ 31:00 ] Paul and Erik discuss the gift of desperation
Erik – My last drinking memory was that wedding I attended. I am not sure if I can fix the damage that I did to some of those relationships. I do not want that last memory to define me.
[ 32:00 ] What is your plan moving forward?
Erik – I will continue to work my program, meditate and go to meetings. I would also like to start my own life now, by moving out of my parent’s house and getting back on track.
[ 33:33 ] Rapid Fire Round
****Congratulations to our very own Brandy for reaching 1 year of sobriety****
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Books – Beyond the Influence by Katherine Ketcham and Living Sober by AA
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Tricia, with 30 days since her last drink, shares her story….
Congratulations Recovery Elevator on 100 episodes! How did we make it to 100 episodes? How else, but one episode (day) at a time.
Problem drinking that becomes severe is often given the medical term alcohol use disorder or AUD. Some interesting studies from the NESARC show that in 2012, 7.2% of the population surveyed had an alcohol use disorder (article found here: www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/alcohol-use-disorders.)
Europe also has an organization (the ECA) who conducts alcohol related surveys. They found that although people in Southern Europe drank larger amounts of alcohol, they were able to moderate their drinking. In comparison, there were more alcohol related fatalities in Northern Europe. Could this be because of binge drinking? Perhaps the folks from the South can drink 1-2 glasses of wine with their meal while people from the North are drinking larger quantities in one sitting? We will let the ECA draw that conclusion.
SHOW NOTES
[ 8:23 ] Paul Introduces Tricia who’s last drink was approximately 30 days ago
[ 9:00 ] When did you realize you had a problem?
Tricia – I knew I wasn’t a normal drinker even at the age of 23. I always knew that I would have to quit one day. I never drank just for the taste, it was always to get drunk. Once I started drinking, I could not stop.
[ 11:28 ] Did you ever put any rules in place in order to control your drinking?
Tricia – I tried switching to a drink that I did not like. This never worked and I would end up doing shots of something else. My fellow drinker friends thought this was a great idea! I was always into fitness and nutrition so I would make sure my daily caloric intake would allow for booze.
[ 15:41 ] Tell us about yourself?
Tricia – I am 35 year old chef who now owns her own business. I have always been a runner but also enjoy anything in the outdoors, such as skiing and snowboarding. I like to knit and cross stitch Gangsta Rap lyrics into items for friends. My only hobby before was drinking. I would work and drink. That was it.
[ 19:18 ] Did you have a bottom?
Tricia – I was a high functioning alcoholic. My bottom was very high. I would always pretend that I wasn’t drunk or that I didn’t have a hangover. My motto was, “I’ve Got This.” When I went on a 3 day binger, 30 days ago, I was so hung over that I could even fake it. I had to stay in bed all day. That was the first time I experienced the physical withdrawals of sweating, fever and shaking.
[ 22:15 ] How did you reach the conclusion that you did not have control over alcohol?
Tricia – My friends and I were going out one night and rented a party bus. I was terribly anxious for weeks up until this party. I was afraid I would drink too much and black out. The black outs were getting to be very common. I ended up drinking too much and woke up the next day with bruises all over my legs. I did not remember falling down but obviously it had happened.
[ 24:48 ] Did alcohol play a role in your divorce?
Tricia – there were many other factors but both my ex-husband and I drank. When we fought, we had usually both been drinking. I wasn’t supposed to be the drinker of the family. My brother was the center of attention since he had the alcohol/drug problem for years. I was the over achiever who still managed to get to work on time and function normally. Until I could no longer fake it.
[ 26:56 ] How did you get to day 1 without a drink?
Tricia – I had not planned on stopping drinking entirely. It basically snuck up on me. I had that terrible hangover and the physical withdraw symptoms so I called my brother who is now in recovery. He is very supportive. I went on-line and found the RE podcast and starting listening and hearing similar stories.
[ 30:28 ] What does a day in the life of Tricia look like?
Tricia – I started going to AA meetings. I ended up being late to my first AA meeting because I went to the wrong room. The security officer at the church shouted to everyone that the AA meeting was in the other room. Even though I was 10 minutes late for that meeting, I was really 10 years late in trying AA.
[ 34:51 ] Rapid Fire Round
Paul ends the podcast with some questions for the listeners: What type of role does or did alcohol play in your life? Does alcohol dictate your life? Be honest with yourself.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Paul will be speaking at a “This is My Brave” even on 1/22/17. The event is at the Moss Theater @ 4pm. The address is 313 Olympic Blvd, Santa Monica, CA. Tickets can be found here: www.bfrb.org
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Mona, with 2 weeks since her last drink, shares her story…….
Paul starts the show by answering some “fan“ mail questions about God and AA. Many listeners wonder how they can participate in AA without accepting a higher power. When the pain of drinking outweighs everything else, you just may be willing to try anything. Statistics show that alcoholism is on the rise but attendance at AA meetings is stagnant or even on a slight decline. Attendance at AA meetings may be on the decline because it is a religious based program and also because of the stigma involved (don’t be a hater!).
In a recent article found on TheInfluence.org, http://theinfluence.org/american-gulag-the-five-ways-hundreds-of-thousands-of-people-are-coerced-into-rehab-and-aa/ , it is discussed how people are being forced into AA or rehab, either by employers or the Courts. Legally, however, a person cannot be forced into AA because it is considered a religious program. Experience shows us that you will be more successful in a program that you choose voluntarily. So whether it is AA, SMART, Life Ring, or your own personalized plan, find a program that makes you want to live and love life. Work that program as if your life depended on it (because quite frankly, it does!).
SHOW NOTES
[ 10:08 ] Paul Introduces Mona
She currently lives in Chicago. She is 23 years old, loves to read and create playlists. Mona is still figuring out all of the new things she likes to do now that she does not drink.
[ 13:43 ] When did you realize you had a problem?
Mona – it has been about 4 years in the making. When I was 19 years old, I drank way too much and was super hungover. I was totally embarrassed because my parents witnessed this. I quit alcohol for the next 30 days but knew that I was not completely done with it,
[ 16:21 ] Did you ever put any rules in place to try and moderate your drinking?
Mona – for 2 years I tried to manage the amount of drinks I would have in 1 sitting. I set my limit at 4 and after that I would just leave the bar. I realized I had a problem when I was putting so much energy into trying to moderate.
[ 20:13 ] What was your bottom?
Mona – I did not really have a rock bottom. I remember my parents had paid for this great trip to the Grand Canyon and the entire trip I was trying to keep control of my alcohol intake in front of them. The Grand Canyon was so beautiful and it just showed how messy my life had become because of alcohol.
[ 21:57 ] How does it feel to be sober at 23 years old?
Mona – I feel proud but also overwhelmed at the thought of never drinking again.
[ 23:15 ] How did you do it?
Mona – I tried will power at first and I was also seeing a therapist who I was finally honest with. So far the temptation to drink has not been too bad. My holiday work party was slightly difficult and I left early. I also started telling my close friends that I had stopped drinking.
[ 26:30 ] What do you think would happen if you started drinking again?
Mona – nothing productive would happen. I would be totally stagnant in my life and in my job. I would not be happy at all.
[ 28:38 ] What is your plan moving forward?
Mona – I am experimenting with creating my own plan of recovery. I want to explore all of my options.
[ 32:52 ] What do you want to achieve in sobriety?
Mona – I would like to have deeper and more authentic relationships. I want to become connected to who I really am and to go after the jobs that I really want.
[ 35:07 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Book of the Month – The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Shaun, with 2 months since his last drink, shares his story
One of the most common questions we get asked as alcoholics is, “What do you drink now that you no longer drink alcohol?” Or, “How do I fit in at social functions now?” There are plenty of tasty non-alcoholic drinks to choose from, so when water is just not cutting it, check out the list below:
Shirley Temple (don’t’ forget to double up on the cherries!)
Ginger Beer (Cock N Bull brand)
Sugar Free Red Bull
La Croix (basically flavored soda water)
Soda water with a splash of cranberry
World Market is the place to go if you are looking for a large selection of ginger beer.
SHOW NOTES
[ 11:48 ] Paul Introduces Shaun
Shaun is 30 years old and currently living in Bozeman, MT. In his free time, he plays hockey, snowboards and coaches little league flag football
[ 13:13 ] Paul asks Shaun to describe his bottom
Shaun – I was drinking all day and through the night. I proceeded to drive home after fighting a friend for my keys. I drove down a very dangerous canyon and hit the guard rail with my car. The police eventually pulled me over. I woke up in the hospital and my father was there, looking very disappointed with me.
[ 18:00 ] When did you realize the gravity of your drinking situation?
Shaun – Even though I knew right away how bad it was, it still just seemed surreal. A few weeks went by before I realized this wasn’t a dream. I went about 3 weeks without a drink. I started drinking again at my 30th birthday party and went on a 6 week bender. I then started to just slow down on my own. I was suffering from deep depression, had walked away from my job, and realized that I was not attaining the goals I had set out for myself.
[ 21:54 ] What do you think would happen if you started drinking again?
Shaun – I would be right back to where I was before. I really do not want to know.
[ 23:00 ] What were your drinking habits like? How much did you drink?
Shaun – I was your typical college drinker. When I started drinking, I was ready to party. My drinking escalated when I moved to Bozeman.
[ 25:47 ] What was your depression like while drinking?
Shaun – My depression was usually triggered by the hangovers. I would think to myself, “What could I have done instead of drinking?” I would feel worthless about myself the next day. Alcohol just kept the depression going. Without alcohol, mild depression is still there but overall I feel more even keel and it is easier to deal with.
[ 27:39 ] How about anxiety?
Shaun – My anxiety was also heavily triggered by booze. It is still with me now, but has lessened greatly. Normally after a night of drinking, I would feel totally anxious and would end up with the “screw it’s,” it’s time to drink this away.
[ 29:00 ] How did you get sober?
Shaun – I just took it day by day. I would think that today may suck but tomorrow will be better. I told many of my friends that I had stopped drinking. Some of these friends understood, while others are still waiting for me to start drinking again (they are no longer friends). I also tried to keep focused on my goals and my profession. Alcohol does not fit within my goals anymore.
[ 32:00 ] What is your plan moving forward?
Shaun – I will continue to surround myself with positive peers, see my therapist, and basically build a new friend base that does not revolve around alcohol.
[ 34:00 ] What is it like getting sober at a young age?
Shaun – It is very hard. Beer seems to follow all activities but I am trying to make new sober friends. You have to work through the uncomfortable feelings of being in a situation and not drinking.
[ 39:35 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
If you are in the LA area on 1/22/17, Paul will be talking at a “This is My Brave” event. The event will be held at the Moss Theater in Santa Monica. Just google the event to search for tickets.
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Bubba, with 1 year since his last drink, shares his story.
SHOW NOTES
Cognitive dissonance = the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change. “First they ignore you, than they laugh at you, than they fight you, than you win.” Sobriety is measured one day at a time and if we take it slowly, we will be the winner. Tell your addiction this quote, over and over again. Our minds keep telling us the tricky stories that keep us drinking. This is exhausting. It’s like holding 2 conflicting beliefs. How can we break through these conflicting beliefs? Hang out with people that are on the same path as you. Educate yourself. Read, read, and read some more.
[ 8:51] Paul Introduces Bubba.
Bubba has been sober for 1 year and he’s feeling great. He had been drinking so long that he did not realize just how much it was affecting his life until he quit. He enjoys photography, the outdoors and riding his Harley. He has also lost approximately 46 pounds during this past year.
[12:04] When did you realize you had a problem with alcohol?
Bubba – one of my earliest memories was when I came out as gay at the age of 29. I thought that I wouldn’t drink as much since I no longer had that stress. I thought it would be the magic switch but I still continued to drink. About 4 years ago, I started to try and moderate. This did not work. For the next 2 years I was always telling myself that I could drink that night and stop the following day.
[14:14] What was your bottom?
Bubba – one day I starting drinking at 6am and just kept going. Instead of going to bed, I continued moving from bar to bar and did not make it to work. The next day I woke up and was officially done. My journey had started.
[16:35 ] What were some of the rules you tried to put in place in order to moderate your drinking?
Bubba – I’m not going to drink during the week and this will satisfy my desire to drink. My drinking voice had become so strong that it just over rode any common sense. My conscience mind knew I was doing something wrong, but my un-conscience mind wanted to continue drinking
[17:45 ] What were you feeling that day after your all night drinking bend?
Bubba – I was so hungover it was unbelievable. I had just had enough and couldn’t take it anymore.
[20:00] How did you stay sober during that first month?
Bubba – I listened to RE podcasts back to back. That really kept me going that first week. I kept telling myself to try for another week, and then try again for another week. I had to keep convincing myself that I was not going to drink. I had friends wondering why I wasn’t at the bar. These are no longer my friends. They were just my bar friends.
[21:56] How does it feel to be so open about being gay as well as open about being in recovery?
Bubba – feels fantastic!! Being so open helps me to be accountable. My friends and family all know what I am doing and it helps keep me sober. Defining myself as an alcoholic was surprising to some people since I was just known as a heavy drinker. I knew that I had a problem and that was the important thing.
[25:00 ] Describe your relationship with your grandmother
Bubba – I was self- medicating for the pain that my grandmother made me feel. She was able to make you feel horrible very easily. Constant little digs. I would try to avoid being with her which caused tension among family members. At some point you have to learn to just let it go.
[27:45 ] What are your recovery tools now?
Bubba – keeping myself busy, workout every day, spend quality time with my friends. I also utilize what other Café RE members are doing and saying.
[ 29:57 ] Rapid Fire Round
“Spread your Wings and Fly – Focus on What You Can Do”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Book of the month = The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer
Connect with Cafe RE
Promo Code: Elevator
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Wynn, with 28 years of sobriety, shares his story...
SHOW NOTES
Tis the season to be jolly and sober…..
What are the differences between food cravings and alcohol cravings? Our gut sends signals that tell us to eat. We can only go 14 days without food and 80% of our serotonin is created in our gut. This feeling is very similar when we are craving a drink. The mind starts chirping and gives us false ideas of how good a drink would be. The problem is that when we start drinking, the need is never satiated with only 1 drink and thus the saga continues. The main things to keep in mind is that food keeps us alive. Alcohol is nothing more than a poison in its’ basic form. Food also helps build muscle. Alcohol transforms your body into Barney from The Simpsons. We all needed food to survive from the beginning of our lives. Obviously we can survive without alcohol. Finally, food satiates our hunger cravings. Alcohol cravings are never satisfied until we are beaten to a pulp.
[ 6:20 ] Paul Introduces Wynn.
Wynn is a retired engineer. He has been married 3 times and has a total of 5 children. He currently lives a wonderful life in sobriety, although in his previous life he did many “unlawful” things in which he was never caught.
[ 9:15 ] When did you realize that you had a problem with alcohol?
Wynn – the first time I drank was at 12 years old and it just felt magical. I soon became known as wino Wynn. I came from a good family. Neither of my parents were alcoholics however, the disease was there with my aunts and uncles. Unfortunately my brother was also an alcoholic and his life ended too soon.
[ 14:22 ] Paul asks Wynn, “How do we know when alcohol is trying to convince us that we do not have a problem.”
Wynn – you will know when the change happens. Recognize the pain and do not hide from it. Own your problems. Your HP is showing you what your pain points are.
[ 18:00 ] Wynn discusses an interesting visit with his psychiatrist.
Wynn – my psychiatrist was asking me what I thought was important. I told her that my car, my money, and my house were important to me. She asked if I knew exactly, down to the penny, how much money I had in my account. I could not tell her. She then asked me if I knew how much booze I had at my house. I was able to tell her the amount and type of alcohol, down to the drop, that I currently had in my home. I realized that there was nothing in my life that I kept track of, like I kept track of alcohol.
[ 19:00 ] When was your bottom?
Wynn – I was putting up a new house and borrowed money from some shady characters. I signed a life insurance policy as collateral and walked away with a paper bag full of money. I knew that that bag of money would be my coffin if I did not pay it back. If I drank that money away, I would be dead. Once the house was completed, I paid the money back and tore up the life insurance policy. I started to read The Big Book and found it incredible.
[ 24:00 ] What did you do then?
Wynn – Even though I was talking the talk of AA, I was not walking the walk. I had lost my house, my family and my companies. I was 3 years into AA when I finally got a sponsor.
[ 25:32 ] Paul discusses terminal uniqueness and how dangerous it can be.
Wynn – you have to be trustworthy enough to believe that your HP will take care of you. Everything that happens is exactly how it is supposed to happen. You have to pay attention. I soon realized that my problem with misery was really about myself. I had fear, control and domination issues. We cannot play God. God is willing to be anything we need him to be.
[33:23] Paul asks Wynn if he has every had a close call in 28 years.
Wynn – Yes, I was at the airport and had just been fired. There were no flights outbound and the clerk literally poured me a shot of whiskey. He was handing me my new ticket in 1 hand and the shot of whiskey in the other. I found myself reaching for both when suddenly I heard a voice that told me not to reach for the glass of whiskey. I grabbed the ticket and left.
[ 36:40 ] Rapid Fire Round
[ 41:00 ] Paul ends the show with a shout out to Brandy – for hitting her 1 year of sobriety mark. He also shares a story about a recent airplane experience.
A flight from Orlando to Denver reinforces Paul’s conviction to remain alcohol free. It is never fun to have to sit next to 2 drunks on a plane. Even worse is to be escorted from the plane by the police.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
RE Retreat – Bozeman Montana – August 24-27. Check the website for details
Connect with Cafe RE
Promo Code: Elevator
recoveryelevator.com/survey
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Melissa, with 1 month of sobriety, shares her story...
SHOW NOTES
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times….
Many of us believe that we cannot quit drinking. “I am the life of the party, that’s just who I am!” (I bet the crowd around us would beg to differ but that’s besides’ the point.) Life will not be fun if I do not drink. Yeah right- blackouts, hangovers, depression, and anxiety; now that is fun. Paul reviews the time in his life when he owned a bar in Spain. You heard correctly. Paul C = Bar Owner. Seems like an entire lifetime ago. Listed below are the pros and cons of that time period in Spain:
Pro’s - I didn’t die, it accelerated me towards my bottom, I learned to play some fancy Flamenco guitar chords
Con’s – Ambien and booze are not a good combo, missed out on many opportunities/road trips with the senoritas, playing football after being awake for 30 hours straight (the next Peyton Manning? I think not), blackouts, blackouts, and more blackouts, DUI, re-introducing myself to a previous hookup (ouch!), contemplating a 5th floor sky dive
[ 8:38 ] Paul Introduces Melissa. How long have you been sober?
Melissa – 30 days. Melissa explains her background. She is a bartender, married, with 4 children. During her free time, she likes to go to the gym.
Paul asks Melissa what it is like being a bartender. Melissa has been in “The Industry” all of her life (Industry = restaurant, club or bar scene). She felt that bartending would be the way to go early on because of her love of drinking and it seemed fun. Melissa’s family are serious drinkers so she grew up in that environment. She thought normal drinking was boring. Melissa states that when you are in “The Industry” you tend to share similar stories of drinking and it justifies your own behavior.
[ 13:54 ] What is it like bartending with 30 days of sobriety?
Melissa – It’s been easier since I left Las Vegas and now live in Pennsylvania. The environment is also easier. I work in a fine dining establishment instead of a Las Vegas casino. I am used to going through shifts without drinking but would always drink after my shift ended. One of my go to drinks was a kids’ cup filled with ice and straight vodka. Five minutes from home, I would down it.
[ 17:54 ] Staying sober is easy when drunk people are idiots
Paul and Melissa swap stories about working in the industry surrounded by drunk people. Do your local DJ a favor and do not request any more Michael Jackson songs!
[ 18:47 ] What was your bottom?
Melissa – I was attending a birthday party and had brought my 14 year old daughter and her friend. We were staying at a hotel so there were no limits. My daughter and her friend had to come get me from the bar downstairs. She video-taped me while feeding me chicken nuggets. I was a mess and my daughter thought it was hysterical. I didn’t want her thinking that that situation was OK. Our family culture was turning into a dangerous life.
[ 23:55 ] Paul and Melissa discuss the tragic death of her sister
Melissa – she was drinking and driving and attempted to go around the car in front of her. Her car was hit. The accident caused her to break her neck. She was only 21 years old when she was killed. My sister’s story, however, did not stop me from continuing to drink.
Paul – we have all had plenty of “You would have thought (…insert tragic event here…) moments that should have stopped us from drinking. Fear can get you sober but it cannot keep you sober.
Melissa reviews her history of trying AA and remaining alcohol free for 2 years. During that time she picked up a pill addiction. After 2 years she was drinking and taking pills. She weaned herself off of the pills and suffered heavy withdrawal systems. She did not think she was an alcoholic because she was able to stop while pregnant with all of her children. Once the children were born, however, the pressure of motherhood soon had her reaching for the wine bottle.
[ 32:48 ] How have you made it to 30 days?
Melissa – RE podcast, constantly reminding myself of my worst drunk moments and comradery with other recovering alcoholics.
[ 42:35 ] Rapid Fire Round
[ 41:00 ] Paul ends the show discussing 3 main themes
Man in the Mirror – drinking causes us to not want to see ourselves in the mirror. What often reflects back is shame and disgust
False Dreams – drinking brings about the notion of false dreams. The actions needed to make these dreams come true are taken away by booze
Geographical Changes – Paul sells his bar in Spain and moves back to the states, eventually ending up in beautiful Bozeman MT. Recovery is an opportunity to change the course of our lives. It’s time to change everything in order to get there.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE
Promo Code: Elevator
recoveryelevator.com/survey
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
John with 17 years of sobriety and Adrianne with 11 years, share how they did it.
This is their story...
SHOW NOTES
According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM), addiction is a brain disorder, not a behavioral problem. This is nothing new so why are we still talking about it? Probably because even though society is starting to finally believe that addiction is a disease and not a moral failing, the stigma attached to addicts remains the same. Wake up people! The studies have shown that addiction can be defined as a primary disease, not an emotional or psychological problem. Our brains become rewired and our choice to pick up flies right out the window when we are in active addiction. Our real choice happens when we reach out for help. It is never too early to reach out.
[ 8:27 ] Paul Introduces John and Adrianne, authors of The Painting and the Piano.
John, sober since 1/5/99 and Adrienne, sober since 7/11/05 currently live in Florida. For the past 3 years they have been working on their story of survival and love. Their book, The Painting and the Piano is like a divine intervention of how they first met and their lives together through the recovery process. John feels that they were chosen to get sober and to pass this on to others.
[ 17:00 ] What was your bottom?
Adrianne – my daughter had to go to the ER after an accident at school. I stopped home before going to the hospital in order to get my pills. I didn’t know how long I would be at the hospital with her and was afraid I would be sick without my pills. My need for the drugs was more powerful than getting my injured child to the ER.
John – driving out of my driveway and seeing my 2 small children looking through the window at me. I knew I was leaving to get another drink and going to have a possible affair. I left anyway and that memory still haunts me of their faces. Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing an 80 year old man looking back was another bottom. I had 3 DWI’s, was losing my business, my friends and was drinking around the clock without bothering to eat.
[ 20:11 ] Do you feel that you can skip any steps in the recovery process?
Adrianne – No, all of the steps you go through were meant to happen and lead you towards your bottom. This needs to happen.
John – Everyone’s bottom is different and how we get there is also different.
[ 23:00 ] John talks about patience
Take time in your relationships. Advised to wait for 1 year before dating. Patience is super important. Let patience be your virtue. 12 steps should be looked at as an opportunity for personal growth
[ 26:53 ] What is on your bucket list for sobriety?
John and Adrianne – this book, educating others on the steps and the AA culture, doing more podcasts, and helping as many people recover as possible.
Adrianne – I would also love to work in the judicial system. There are so many children that are pulled from dysfunctional homes, only to be placed back in them too soon.
John – I believe that 95% of our issues go back to some type of childhood trauma.
So what happened to privileged Paul C who grew up in Vali Colorado? Hmmm, might have to think that one over a bit.
[ 30:00 ] Adrianne shares about her physical pain
I was born addicted to heroin. Later on after years of back pain, I became addicted to pills. All of the surgeries lead to harder addictions. It was a perfect storm of the emotional “F it’s”
[ 34:14 ] What advice would you give your younger selves?
Adrianne – stay off the pity pot!
John – there is no shame in asking for help. Do it now. Change 1 thing every day.
[ 38:25 ] Rapid Fire Round
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE
Promo Code: Elevator
recoveryelevator.com/survey
Sobriety Tracker
Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Why do some go down the path of alcoholism faster than others? Why do the wheels come off at different times for all of us? Is it an 'addictive personality' disorder? Well, truth is, we can't find real scientific evidence to prove that an 'addictive personality' is a real thing. What we do know is that genetic makeup combined with environmental factors that someone is living with have huge factors in whether or not someone will become addicted to alcohol. For Paul, the wheels came off right around age 21, but there is no way to determine if and when someone will become addicted to alcohol. There are many envrionmental factors that can slow down or speed up this factor...
[ 7:25 ] Paul introduces Stephanie.
Stephanie has been sober for almost 5 years. She got sober December 31st, 2011. She is 33 and from Alabama. Stephanie works in a Bradford treatment center. She loves to run, kayak and hangout with her family.
[ 8:12 ] Do you have a pink cloud?
Stephanie tries to make her own 'pink cloud' every day in that she looks for the positive in everything. She is aware of the things she is grateful for and recognizes where she could be if she didn't have her sobriety.
[ 14:09 ] Stephanie talks about her drinking experience and the associated health problems that she dealt with.
[ 23:04 ] Stephanie's Mom and Dad took her to a treatment center on December 30th, 2011.
[ 24:39 ] Do you think you could've gotten sober without rehab?
"For me, I don't think I could. I had to be removed from my situation, completely removed. I had tried little things here and there, but I didn't know coping mechanisms. I know people can do it, but I just know that I couldn't have done it."
[ 25:35 ] Stephanie talk about her program.
Stephanie was able to relate to the AA program. She has had the same sponsor for almost 4 1/2 years. "It was necessary for me."
[ 26:41 ] Can you pinpoint one rock bottom moment?
"After totalling my car and trying to hide it..." Stephanie was making frequent trips to the liquor store to buys half pints of vodka. When she started drinking in the morning, she realized something had the change.
[ 33:04 ] Walk us through a day in the life of Stephanie.
"Usually I wake up and do a reading from the Hazeldon Foundation and I use an app called 'My Spiritual Toolkit. I also have a page saved on my phone which has a prayer for each step. Then I'll take some quiet time. I'm not very good at meditation." Stephanie takes time to herself in the mornings. She gets up early and tries to go for a run before heading into work. At work, she tries to take 3-4 minutes just to breath and calm down. At the end of the day, Stephanie takes time to reflect on her day, looking for the positive and places where she can do better tomorrow. "I try to get a lot of sleep. I need my 8 hours of sleep and my prayer and meditation time."
"...You are waking up drinking vodka a 6am and hiding bottles all throughout your room!"
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
Hazeldon Foundation Digital Resources
Podcast Resource Info - 'Addiction now defined as brain disorder, not behavior issue'
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
Sara, with 5 months and 10 days of sobriety, tells us how she did it.
[9:21] Paul introduces Sara
Sara has been sober for 5 months and 10 days, or a total of 163 days. Sara is feeling better than she has ever felt, which is a common response in early recovery. Sobriety has not been all wonderful colors, tastes, and smells. Sara's experience so far has been overall great, but not without challenges; she has had to overcome some adversity. Which is a very big foundational pillar of life, as nothing comes easy in sobriety, and getting sober is a blind leap of faith. Sara is originally from Louisiana, currently living in New Jersey, she is a psychiatrist who is married with no children. For fun, she does everything she used to do but is learning to do it sober. One of her best sober activities she has enjoyed was attending a Coldplay concert, in which she remembered every single minute. The concert was amazing, as was Sara's first sober football game, feeling every emotion so much more. One not so cool activity in sobriety was joining friends bar hopping after a football game. Sara struggled, but realized she is no longer "that guy" and could drive home sober.
[13:21 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. When did you hit bottom?
Sara made small attempts to stop two years prior to her sobriety date. During that time, she read a book titled "Freedom from Addiction," which inspired her; only until an invite to socialize and drink. She would start again and not be able to stop. Eventually, Sara was at a happy hour followed by dinner with lots of drinking. She thought she was good to drive home. She ended up in an accident after which the entire night was a blur. Realizing that she could lose her life and career, even though there were no legal ramifications involved. Sara realized how lucky she was to come out of that situation safe and not in a legal battle. Paul shares his driving while intoxicated experiences. Sara woke up the next day and through the next week she was dazed and confused her memory was foggy as she was self-blaming herself. Everting in her life was going well other than drinking, she questioned why she was sacrificing everything for drinking.
[16:27] How much did you drink?
Sara drank vodka in airplane size bottles, they were easier to consume, leaving no evidence. She would usually drink a few throughout the day, over time it progressed. Her consumption amounts were often up and down, Sara was never one that could have just one or two at dinner, she would always continue drinking through the night. When she decided to stop drinking, she was up to 6-7 drinks per night, and was starting early in the day. For Sara, her disease progression was more about the time of day she started rather than the amount. Usually a couple glasses of wine and some shots of alcohol. Sara tried to put multiple plans of control in place; only drink on the weekend, only after work, no hard liquor. Paul realizes the question of control is a dumb question. The thought that one day we can drink normal must be dismissed.
[19:38] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.
Sara's first week she doesn't remember much, but had a lot of family events and weddings with open bars where she was put to the test. After she got through all the events without a drink, she wondered why she drank when she was loving everything she was doing sober not understanding why she ever started in the first place. Sara's first few months have been filled with new activities; biking, hiking, gym. She has replaced drinking with trying new things.
[21:00] Tell us about your program.
Sara didn't enlist any kind of program. Yet, even before the accident she was listening to sobriety podcasts, as she was contemplating sobriety. Sara then found RE which became her program. While doing her morning routine she has the podcast playing as her preferred recovery resource, along with fitness and other new routines. Paul reminds us that willpower is exhaustible and finite, eventually running out, leading to relapse. We need a daily affirmation to remember why you don’t drink.
[24:07] Sara shares her fears about being "found out" on the podcast: Being a psychiatrist and worried about people learning of her addiction. A lot of friends still don't understand, and see alcoholics as worst case scenario. Images of bums is the picture normal people have. Sara knows that is not alcoholics are like, but struggles with the stigma even though she knows that is ridiculous. Paul sees Sara's alcoholism as an untapped asset in her career. Sara chats with addicts face to face in a hospital setting and listens to their struggles. Many of her patients have been through been recovery. Sara's advice to her patients is to take it one day at a time, she tells them about podcasts as many haven't found a program. She is also able to offer resources that she uses herself. Paul suggests she uses her own experiences. Sara hopes to get to that point. She remembers to focus on the similarities not the differences. She is just not realizing that she has a problem. Paul is curious when she will get there. Sara realizes she needs to get rid of the fear of judgement. Paul shares how he came out as an alcoholic. Everybody knows somebody in recovery. Paul feels within time her superiors will admire her strength. What if she tells her first patient tomorrow? Sara was trained to never put focus on yourself, but you make exceptions to help with the rapport of the patient. How prevalent is addiction in the ER? Most of the ER is filled with intoxicated people, or those who are experiencing withdrawals; mostly in the evenings on weekends, and during the holidays. Paul knows counselors who have succeeded because they are also in recovery. Sara feels like telling Paul was her first big step going out into the digital world. Sara wants to connect with more people, and thinks she is in the right direction to come out of the closet about her sobriety.
[32:02] How do you stay sober today? Sara is awake at 5 AM does yoga, meditation, and plans her day. Sometimes she works out. After work Sara comes home and starts her evening routine: working out, meditation, and/or some planned quality time with friends and family, tennis lessons, or something new. Sara hopes to try out martial arts. She plans to do something new every few months to continue to grow and bring happiness to life.
[33:00] What is on your bucket list at one year? Sara hopes that after one year she is more involved in the sober community; she doesn't have any support right now. Besides Cafe RE. She plans to surround herself with more people like her.
[33:57 ] What have you learned about yourself through sobriety? Sara learned that she doesn't need alcohol to have a good conversation with people, she is OK just being herself. That has been the most intoxicating thing about being sober. Everything is even better without alcohol.
[34:41] What are your plans to stay sober during the holidays?
Sara thought the holidays would be hard, luckily for her she has a lot of family functions that were once her crutch, have become growth experiences. She doesn’t even think about drinking anymore; she auto looks for non-alcoholic beverages. While she misses the one glass of wine once in a while, she is content with beet juice now in a wine glass.
[36:01] Rapid Fire Round
“You Might be an Alcoholic If…” Your idea of dieting is doing straight shots instead of mixed drinks.
Paul’s Life Hack: ?
7:10-8:40 PM 11/17/2016 - - - 6:10 - 6:50 AM 11/19/2016
12 ways to help you stay sober through the holidays. Last year, in Episode 43, I introduced a long list of ways to stay sober, and now, it's a year later. This holiday season, don't beat yourself up! Maybe you only get 1 day, but shoot for all the days, and if you miss a day, get back on the wagon without beating yourself up... Be kind to yourself. The holidays are about giving, give yourself kindness.
12 Ways to Stay Sober Through the Holidays:
[ 12:34 ] Paul introduces Sasha.
Sasha's last drink was a couple days before Sept. 2nd, 2011...Sasha is from Washington D.C. She is 31 and has her own coaching business. For fun she likes to hangout at home in her pajamas, being a mega-introvert!
[ 14:38 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. When did you hit bottom?
September of 2011 was the culmination of a long summer of heavy partying. "I was sitting in my therapists office with my head in my hands trying to recap my summer which I couldn't remember. My therapist handed me an AA flyer and slowly I started going to a weekly meeting."
[ 17:01 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits.
"I was an all or nothing binge drinker. I probably partied one night on, one night off. When I went out, I drank as much as I possibly could. As soon as I had 2 or 3 drinks there was a switch, there was no off button."
[ 27:17 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.
"I dropped into an AA meeting to listen. I heard stories of human suffering, pain and joy. It was like a humanities class. People were honest and really told the truth about how they were feeling." Sasha talks about how isolating alcohol is and the antidote was really learning to connect and let her walls down. Sasha was going to one 'speaker' meeting a week. She got a sponsor after 10 mos.
[ 30:43 ] Sasha talks about her experience as a 'dry drunk'.
[ 31:07 ] Tell us about your program.
"Principles of recovery flow throughout my day. I like to let things flow. I wake up with a prayer. I have daily readers (an app and a book) that set the tone for my day. I make several 12-step meetings a week and try to meditate for 10 mins. a day." Sasha also does yoga. Yoga has been crucial to her recover journey, connecting mind, body and soul.
"You spend an inordinate amount of time trying to convince yourself that you're not an alcoholic."
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Connect with Sasha:
The Language of Letting Go - by Melody Beattie
Journey to the Heart - by Melody Beattie
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
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What is a dry drunk? It is someone who just doesn’t drink anymore, who has 'quit' using sheer willpower... ***Spoiler Alert*** Willpower eventually runs out. We need a program, something and someone to fall back on to support us. Your program can look completely unique to yourself and doesn't just have to be AA (although many do recommend it).
When you quit using sheer willpower, sure, you become healthier, physically feeling like you’ve been born again and the memory of passing out in a Cracker Barrel buffet line begins to fade. You'll start to gain confidence in your recent found 'sober' success and you say to yourself, "I did this. I quit. I got this." (Uh-oh, those three little words, think RE #86... Problem right there!) Eventually, we will forget entirely about the Cracker Barrel buffet line, which is a problem because, A – their cornbread is fantastic and, B – that was the reason you quit drinking. That was not a highlight in your life. Studies show that humans have selective memory and we tend to remember the good things (i.e. the Cornbread) and not the bad things (i.e. the Ambulance, the Buffet Line, and the Cracker Barrel experience).
As a dry drunk, when we quit drinking, our genius plan is to simply not drink, thinking that one day we’ll be able to drink normally again. If you have this thought, don’t worry, every alcoholic has, but the dry drunks don’t ever address this or relinquish the thought. The key is to surrender.
This is what I call 'white knuckling it'. I think everyone is white knuckling it when they quit drinking but the dry drunks keep white knuckling it. Right about the time when all the physical healing has taken place (for me, it took over a year), is when the true white knuckling takes place. It’s when Gary (Paul's alter-ego) starts to make an appearance. It’s when 'we' start having the internal dialogue of justification. It’s when our unconscious minds have seen the barrage of alcohol adds on social media, television, and everywhere else our open eyes and ears look. This is when the cognitive dissonance starts to take place... Translation, we need help! We can't do this alone...
[ 08:12 ] Paul introduces Christine.
Christine's last drink was June 13th of 2016, about 129 days ago. She has been sober for just over 4 months. Christine grew up in a small town in central Michigan. She is now studying chemistry at Montana State University and is almost finished with her Ph.D. She loves hunting, fishing, camping and anything else outside...
[ 09:23 ] Paul talks about first meeting Christine in 2011 when he was a dry drunk and how she helped him in 2014 to make a change after hitting his bottom.
Christine remembers that Paul was hurting so badly and she was so glad that Paul gave her a call. There were lots of tears, lots and lots of tears (and it wasn't just the horses and pastures they were passing causing an allergic reaction) as they drove down canyon from Big Sky Ski Resort where Paul was DJ-ing a wedding. Christine urged Paul to call his mom, dad, and brother, to seek support... Christine has been an integral part of Paul's sobriety.
[ 14:03 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What was your bottom?
"Bottoms are always defined differently... I had decided back in December of 2015 to quit drinking. I stopped drinking for 2 weeks before deciding that I wasn't a 'quitter'! I picked right up where I left off. I wasn't fully committed, I hadn't taken the steps I needed." In June, Christine had a "what am I doing with my life" moment on her way to fishing... She had a couple beers on the road and stopped to let the dog out before getting to the fishing spot, where she realized that her bottle of whiskey had spilled everywhere. "I was horrified, my heart started to flutter and I started to panic..." On the way back from fishing, Christine smacked a deer. This really opened her eyes as so much more could have gone wrong... Christine took this as a sign that it was time to make a change.
[17:51 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.
"Those first few days were such a blur. I started intensive outpatient therapy (IOP)... I was a wreck. The IOP really helped. I had a friend in West Yellowstone who I relied on heavily during my early days of sobriety. I spent a lot of time on the fishing boat out in the middle of nowhere."
[ 19:36 ] Christine comments on how important it is to get outdoors...
"Fly fishing has just become my absolute passion. To this day, anytime I feel wrong, or off, or I have cravings, I throw whatever I'm doing to the side and head to the river." Since being sober, Christine has not torn any waders or taken any 'accidental' swims in 43 degree weather! Fishing has taught Christine the beauty of being totally present.
[ 22:51 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits before you quit.
"I was on an exponential curve downwards... That last month of drinking was just sliding... I was finishing almost a bottle of whiskey a day."
"I'd use booze to handle work, to handle stress, to handle literally everything..."
[ 24:31 ] Christine talks about her bipolar diagnosis.
Christine is diagnosed with bipolar II, which is an elevated state of mood... "My doctors and counselors kept telling me that I drank too much... They told me that my moods, the ups and downs, would improve if I stopped drinking. Alcohol would just make the highs higher and the lows lower... I could just drink and drink and drink when I was in a mania state, but when I was depressed, it would drag me down and down and down..."
Christine got honest with herself and those around her...
[ 29:40 ] What changes did you see?
"The biggest part was telling people about it. When I didn't have the strength, I had other people to keep me in line. I don't think anybody can do it alone." Christine lost 25lbs. just from quitting drinking. Going to bed at night is still challenging for Christine, but it's a lot better than pounding shots to blackout. "Some days are still absolute hell, my emotions get the best of me... These are the hardest. Sometimes I head into work at 3am to keep me from drinking."
[ 33:29 ] Walk us through a day in your life and how you stay sober today.
"I don't really have a day to day sobriety plan. I haven't fully gotten on board with AA, but I do go to a Friday and Saturday AA group at 9pm. I have a bunch of friends there. I listen to this podcast and participate in the Facebook Group... So many times I have looked at that and have been so thankful. I see two different counselors, an addiction counselor and a mental health counselor. Honestly, I'm so busy that I just dig my head into what I'm doing and be there and be present."
"If you try to drink the split whiskey in the bottom of your cooler that's mixed with the water...." (Thanks Paul!)
"If you start selling your fly rods so you can buy another bottle of whiskey." - Christine
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“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
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"You gotta get through it to get to it..." Open your eyes and start to notice those around you. Often, you'll find others who don't drink. Talk to them, discover why they don't drink... Some of these people quit for religious reasons, some for health, and others for personal reasons. Some are able to just quit on the spot, others not so much. Yeah, not all of us are so lucky to just suddenly decide to quit drinking... These individuals who do own up to their problems and the fortunes in their life. They take ownership. There are tons of studies highlighting different stats on sobriety (check out the links in the show notes below).
[ 10:53 ] Paul introduces Zach.
Zach has twin boys and has been sober for 3.5 years, his last drink was March 9th (4 years ago) at about 3am. Zach is 27, and born and raised in a small city just North of the Atlanta area. He has been married for two years. By day Zach is a marketer and by night he is a self-proclaimed beat-boxer for his kids.
[ 13:28 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What led up to you quitting drinking?
"I quit 1,000 times in my own head... It's a revolving circle." Zach started drinking when he was about 12 years old, when he had about 3 Budweisers and remembered waking up in the pool. "I remember at that point wanting to make my life all about drinking." Zach continued to drink all through high school... Zach got expelled from school for the last half of his senior year due to drinking. "That's kind of where I kick-started my 'drinking career'." Zach was 19 when he got his second arrest due to drinking and had to spend 30 days in jail. This was the first time when Zach thought, "Ok, this is me, this is alcohol."
[ 18:25 ] What were your drinking habits like?
The second Zach got out of jail he found a Bud Ice in a friend's fridge and was at the bar that night, still underage. Zach usually took Mondays and Tuesdays off... In his early 20s it shifted to needing a drink to feel calm. "I started buying airplane bottles of rum. I was living with my girlfriend at the time and she knew I drank often, but I would drink all day long when she was gone and then pop a beer open when she came home in the evening, acting like it was my first drink."
[ 21:31 ] Did you ever try to moderate?
"I'd kick liquor away and just focus on beer. I'd binge drink real hard on the weekends. Right at the end of 22 I started diving into other substances... I got into meth and then I didn't have to drink. Once I made that leap I felt really defeated." Zach's own father introduced him to meth. (Unfortunately, his dad is still walking that story.) Thankfully, Zach didn't get addicted to meth and was able to back off of that substance, which let the drinking pick back up.
[ 25:02 ] Alcohol is an extremely addictive substance. How do you feel about that?
"I completely agree. It was like relearning to walk and talk (on choosing sobriety). Everything used to spike my interest in drinking... It's so highly addictive."
[ 26:36 ] Zach talks about his father and living with a family of addictive patterns.
[ 28:56 ] How did you do it? Talk to us about how you got sober.
"It was just an ordinary night... I got home at about 3am. I had to crawl through the window because I couldn't find my keys. I slept in 'til about 10am and awoke to missed calls from my girlfriend..." Zach had missed her Crossfit competition, something that was extremely important to her. "It was like the 10th time I had missed something. She was broken... Mentally, I couldn't tell another lie. I was exhausted." When she came home later Zach broke down and asked for help.
Those first few months were tough. "I was trying to fit in, I was not answering any phone calls. I was rationalizing it... I was white-knuckling it for about 2 mos. I was just a dry drunk..." Zach ended up at an AA meeting on his way to the liquor store... He was blown away by the diversity of the room and yet everyone was telling 'his' story. Zach discovered his first glance of hope at this AA meeting. "You can have a better lifestyle, a better life."
[ 35:23 ] Zach talks about getting a sponsor and working his program. Buddy, from RE #67, became Zach's sponsor.
[ 37:53 ] How do you stay sober today?
"I try to get up earlier than my kids so I can read... If I meet with Buddy we go through the step work, the stories or just kick it and drink some coffee... I try to hit 3 meetings a week, it allows me to share. It helps me hold myself accountable. I'm involved in a non-profit, Orphan Aid Liberia. Humility has been a big word in my recovery... Now, I can actually look outward and give back."
"Your job gets in the way of your drinking."
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Recovery & Rehab Links:
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“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
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If you drink enough alcohol over time our brains will change due to the response to alcohol. Some of the damage is irreversible, thus proving that you can pick up right where you left off (upon relapse). This is because there is still a dopamine hypersensitivity. Relapse is part of Paul's story… After being sober for 2.5 years, Paul got another 8mos. of drinking under his belt, picking up right where he left off. There was no ramp-up phase because Paul's brain is hyper-sensitive to alcohol. Good news! Even though in the brain there is this environment where dopamine hyper-sensitivity still exists, if you don’t drink then it’s not activated. This change is irreversible, but, if you don’t drink then it doesn’t react… Check out RE 87 for more detailed info on dopamine and our crazy brains.
[ 06:34 ] Paul introduces Val.
Val took her last drink on April 8th, 2016, just about 6 months ago. She is 44, married, and has 3 kids and one grandchild. She is originally from Billings, MT and has lived in the Big Sky area for 20 years. She loves to bake, knit, garden, camp, hike and just be outside.
[ 09:25 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. When did you hit bottom?
“Well, I’ve hit many bottoms in my life, but I finally reached that point where I knew I needed to change or else I was going to lose everything.” This was not Val’s first attempt at quitting drinking. She first tried to quit in her mid-20s when she decided to start having kids. Val quit drinking for 8 years, but was miserable. After owning a restaurant and dealing with the stress of that, Val broke down and started drinking again… After 8 years of sobriety! “That’s just how I dealt with stress. (Drinking) was the only way I knew how."
[ 11:03 ] What is a dry drunk?
“I was not drinking, but my mind was still crazy. I was still trying to control everything around me, I didn’t understand life and I always felt that life was out to get me, that I was the victim.” Val explains her unhappiness as afraid of people, not being comfortable in her own skin, not having a higher power and trying to do everything herself… Now, Val is asking for help. “Before, I felt that I was a failure if I had to ask for help. My expectations that I held were so high and I could never meet them.”
[ 12:57 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits.
Val was drinking at least a bottle of wine a night, and more like two bottles a night. “Because I was drinking wine, I thought it was not a big deal, that it wasn’t a problem.” Val tried every rule in the book: just on the weekends, or only in the evening... “When I started drinking during the day, that’s when I started having oh-shit moments.” Val always used the stress of work to qualify needing a drink.
[ 14:30 ] Val talks about losing her restaurant and the feelings of failure and stress that accompanied the experience.
[ 15:48 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.
“The first day was a morning that I was so sick that I couldn’t go to work. I was so sick, sicker than I had ever been. It was a Tuesday night, and I was just sitting at home watching Netflix.” Val was watching Amy (the Amy Winehouse documentary) and discovered that Amy had died from alcohol poisoning… Val had a huge wakeup moment, realizing that the same thing could easily happen to her. Val white-knuckled it for about 30 days before she started drinking again. After connecting with Paul on a webinar, she accepted help and went to her first AA meeting.
[ 18:59 ] Tell us about your program.
“I read in the Big Book everyday if I can, usually before bed. I know a lot of people try to start their day with a reading, but I have a kid to get ready…” Val goes to her home group meeting every week, has a service position, meets with her sponsor every week and she is on a committee. Val chooses to stay involved.
[ 19:49 ] Do you feel more confident with 6mos. of sobriety?
We are all shaky when we step onto new foundations. “It is getting better, but I know I have work to do. I need to keep working on my program. I’m on the 4th step right now… Writing stuff out has been very helpful.” Val shares one of her resentments which is part of the 4th step, taking responsibility for her actions, emotions and experiences. “You need to forgive yourself in order to let the anger out… It feels awesome. I look at the world in a different way.”
[ 24:39 ] What have you learned about yourself through sobriety?
“I’ve been very dishonest with myself throughout life and I don’t want to be that way anymore. I just want to be who I am… I always felt that nobody would want to know the real me, but that’s not true, that’s the disease speaking.”
[ 25:46 ] What are your thoughts on relapse?
“Well, I’m only a drink away from relapse. It can happen so easily. I have to be sure to always call my sponsor if I have that urge to drink. I’m not hiding anymore… I’m interacting and asking for help when I need it.”
“You pass out before the Amy Winehouse movie is over.”
Play the long game…
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Why did alcohol stop working for me? (***Spoiler Alert*** If it still works for you, IT WILL STOP working.) I needed more and more of it to fill the same effects, a.k.a. the pleasure… We know that alcohol increases cravings in the brain by releasing dopamine… But, dopamine is actually the LEARNING chemical in the brain. Thus, it teaches us where to find pleasure… After we have found pleasure, i.e. tipping a bottle back over and over again, the body will eventually turn down alcohol to protect itself. Our brain is a beautiful system that has kept us alive for millions of years… How does it do this? The brain produces another chemical, which turns down the stimulation. I’ve learned that I have enhanced dopamine receptors. Now, if we lived in the age of saber-toothed tigers and always having to fight for our food, this would have kept me alive, however, not now and no longer! Over time, I needed more and more alcohol to get to the point of stimulation, of pleasure, I even needed it just to feel normal… This is an evolutionary mechanism built inside of us. However, the pleasure that we should be seeking is food, water, shelter, and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts! Not alcohol!!!
[ 06:18 ] Paul Introduces Kenny.
Kenny has been sober since April 3rd, 2015, about one and a half years. Kenny is 27 and grew up in a small farm town in California. He spent some time in Riverside, CA before moving to Montana to attend grad school. He is a PhD student, studying statistics. Kenny loves to work on his truck, build bikes and computers and wander around in nature, getting lost in the wilderness.
[ 07:30 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What led up to your desire to stop drinking?
“It was a long, slow descent with a lot of bumps towards the bottom.” Kenny’s roommates started to notice and comment on his drinking habits. “Last March I missed classes because I was too drunk to get to class, this had never happened before… I had a BIG eye-opening experience and realized that this wasn’t just about me. I had to take responsibility.”
[ 10:02 ] How much did you drink? Did you ever try to put rules in place?
“It started when I was 21… I realized that it kind of helped me get my Math homework done. I’d have a gin and tonic or two, nightly or whenever I needed to get stuff done and then from there I was drinking like half a ⅕ of brandy in one afternoon.” This gradually progressed to being hungover or still drunk the next morning. Eventually Kenny was blacking out and waking up on a strange couch… “I came up with some schemes. I was supposed to call my best friend to stay accountable, which just led me to lying to her about how much I was drinking, which made me feel worse. My next scheme was that I got a little notebook, thinking that I could be accountable to myself and do it on my own…” This turned into Kenny tearing himself down and feeling guilty.
[ 15:33 ] Kenny talks more about his Elevator...
“I started talking to my new roommate who’s father had turned his life around after connecting with AA. She suggested that I give him a call, which I did. He completely understood the craving and how when I drank it was just never enough…”
[ 17:05 ] Kenny discusses “that feeling in your head.”
[ 18:08 ] What was it like when you quit drinking?
Kenny checked out a few AA meetings after talking to his roommate’s Dad… It took a couple times before he was ready to change his life. Sometime around April 3rd, 2015, there was a party… Kenny went to it having decided that he would try to drink just one drink and then go home. Kenny nursed that one drink for 1 ½ hours and was so proud that he took the opportunity to do shots with a buddy, waking up the next morning on a couch and not remembering anything from the night before… That next morning Kenny decided to give AA a shot.
[ 21:15 ] Kenny talks about his first experience at an AA meeting...
[ 22:00 ] Walk us through a typical day and how you stay sober.
“I usually get up at 4:00 or 4:30 am, I realized I’m a morning person! I make a nice big breakfast, take a shower and then head to school. I ride my bike and get to see the sun come up… In the evenings I try to meditate for 15 minutes or so and play my guitar.” Kenny has been working on mindfulness, trying to clear and calm his mind, becoming more aware of what’s going on inside his body. “I just close my eyes and focus my breath, just acknowledging what kind of breath I’m taking, just trying to pay attention to what’s going on inside.”
“You’ve almost fallen in a campfire and didn’t know about it until the next morning when your friends tell you about it!”
Making decisions whether big or small is tough, so just eliminate a lot of the small decisions… Examples of stressful small decisions: “Should I drink tonight?” “How many drinks?” “What liquor store do I go to now?” “How do I sneak booze into the movie theater?” “How do I control my f****** drinking?” I no longer have to struggle over these small decisions because “I DON’T DRINK.” Make this one decision and the others are no longer relevant.
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Pop-Tarts Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Toaster Pastries
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Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
Ok, so you’re doing a pretty good job of following your rules, your systems, or you're experimenting with sobriety… Have you ever said the words “I got this”? "I would say these words over and over again while putting these rules, systems, games, etc. in place when trying to get sober on my own…" Paul was sober for over 2 years when those mean little words came back, “You know what Paul, we got this… We’re totally good.” And, DAMN IT! After two years of sobriety, we drank (me and Gary)... “We didn’t got this…” If you ever catch yourself saying, “Hey, you got this…” be very cognizant, very aware, and very, very cautious... "I got this," the three most dangerous words an alcoholic can say.
[ 05:33 ] Paul Introduces Jenny.
Jenny has been sober for just over a year, since August 25th, 2015. “My life is better than it was when I was drinking.” Jenny grew up in Helena, MT and currently lives in Bozeman, MT. She is married to an amazing man and has 4 kids, ages 4-14. She loves to run, workout and go to the gym. “If it involves exercise, I love to do it!”
[ 06:59 ] Jenny speaks about her drinking history.
The alcoholic tendency has always been there for Jenny… “I don’t think that ever in my life I had just one drink. It was always like game-on. In High School I was “the party girl.” Jenny knew she had to stop before she hit the absolute bottom.
[ 10:46 ] What was it like drinking and taking care of 4 kids? (Paul openly admits that he could barely take care of Ben, the Standard Poodle, when he was drinking…)
“When the drinking started to escalate, it was sort of the perfect storm. My husband is a firefighter and started working 24-hr. shifts… Things really started to get out of control. When I was drinking, I felt like I was the best mom in the world… But, I was really checked out. I was selfish. In the back of my mind I was always concerned with refilling my glass.” Saying those words, “Yes, I am an alcoholic,” was the scariest thing Jenny has ever said… "Admitting that I didn’t have all of my shit together…”
[ 14:06 ] Jenny talks about how admitting “I am an alcoholic” is liberating.
“That dirty little secret I had been carrying around... I had been doing all of these things to convince myself that I didn’t have a problem. I was volunteering, doing insane workouts at 5am (sometimes still drunk)... After, a lot of moms came to me and said, “Hey, I think I have the same problem.”
[ 16:43 ] Talk to me about Run for Recovery.
Run for Recovery is a run supporting Alive Again Life Recovery Mission which exists for the purpose of creating a safe Christian environment for individuals of all ages to fellowship, learn and heal from addiction and addiction-related effects. Running and exercising has helped Jenny so much through this process (choosing sobriety).
[ 18:39 ] How did you do it? What was Day 1 like?
“I just did it. I just quit. I went moment by moment, minute by minute. I binge listened to Recovery Elevator. After about a week I got into my crying phase. I was ashamed. I beat myself up over poor choices and poor parenting…”
[ 20:20 ] What other methods besides running do you use?
“Reading a lot, educating myself, and sometimes just forcing myself to sit still. Forcing myself to feel those feelings.” Jenny has found that her athletic performance has increased since being sober. “I feel one million times better than when I was drinking.” Working out is definitely an outlet for Jenny. “It’s definitely better than vodka.”
[ 29:06 ] What’s on your bucket-list?
“Half marathons, Spartan racing, keep volunteering, discover more about myself, and to be a little kinder to myself…”
[ 30:02 ] What have you learned about yourself?
“I’m a type-A, over-achieving, control freak, and working on being a little nicer to myself… We need to be nice to ourselves. We need to talk to ourselves like we talk to a friend. We really beat ourselves up.” Jenny has learned about what triggers her and how to manage cravings (they do come). She finds other things to do, like playing with her kids, going for a run, or just sitting with the craving and letting it pass.
Take your ball and go home. You don’t have to put yourself in precarious situations. You don’t have to drink just to appease others. Just take your cell phone and go home. Be kind to yourself. Take your ball and go home. Take your beach toys, your camper, your R.V., your whatever… Take it and go home.
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Recovery Elevator Episode #1: Do You Have a Drinking Problem
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“In Episode 1 of RE, we (the human Paul & the dog Ben) do a test to determine if I am an alcoholic. The results… Blatantly clear. Yes, I am an alcoholic.” Paul found it extremely difficult to stop drinking after having just one drink. For about a decade, he lived in the pickle of “one drink was too much and 1,000 drinks was just not enough.” How the hell do you navigate that? Well, the answer is definitely, “Don’t drink.” Now, at Episode 85, Paul has an even better test to determine if you’ve got a drinking problem.
Preliminary steps before taking this self-assessment:
(***This is going to be the new metric moving forward, I guarantee it! No need to go spend a ton of money on any other tests...This assessment is free and accurate.***)
***FEEL FREE TO PRESS PAUSE, GRAB A GLASS OF WATER, SHARPEN YOUR PENCIL, ETC., AS THIS IS THE HALF WAY POINT OF THE SELF ASSESSMENT TEST***
CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have just finished the Recovery Elevator self-assessment!
Answer Key: Listen to Paul on RE 85 @ [ 5:11 ]
"Quitting drinking isn’t easy, but my life is exponentially better since I’ve quit drinking." In the previous 84 podcasts, there's a pretty good roadmap already laid out for you… Not only will your life improve (yes, there will be speed bumps), but the lives of those around you will improve too! In all honesty, these self-assessment tests are this simple. It’s not easy, but it’s better.
[ 10:25 ] Paul Introduces John.
John was born and raised and lives in Wichita, Kansas. He has a 3-year old son. He enjoys working on his car, experimenting with cooking, and comic books… He is engaged to be married to a woman who is also in the program (AA). John’s last drink was August 28th, 2011…
John kept trying to do it (quit drinking) on his own, but time and time again, it just didn’t happen! After telling himself, “I’m just going to have two beers..." 3 or 4 beers, a few mixed drinks, sake for the whole table (they were going to a bar after dinner) and a $400 bar tab later… "I woke up on the floor in my undies, covered in puke (puke in the hallway, puke in the bathroom)... I just felt that someone was telling me to get help.” John realized he just couldn't do this alone.
[ 20:29 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?
“I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I kept trying to do it myself, but I’d always find a “special” occasion to drink.” This is one of those things (choosing sobriety) where you actually have to do the work!
[ 22:19 ] “I think I got this.” John explains what this means for him...
To John, this phrase means that he’s letting his ego tell him how to run things. “I tried on my own without a program, guidance or a schedule and it just wouldn’t stick. Ever.” When John got his 2nd DUI, he knew something was up… John knew that if he drank again, he would get behind the wheel.
[ 24:15 ] Talk to us about Alcoholics Anonymous.
John was completely blown away by the spectrum of diverse people that made up his first AA meeting, which was quite contrary to what he “knew” AA was going to be!
[ 31:08 ] John discusses weight loss, cooking and what he does with all his booze-FREE time!
[ 32:59 ] What’s your favorite dance move?
Thanks Paul for getting in some humor! In his sobriety, John has really enjoyed running, but he does not prefer the “Running Man,” and claims that the “Robot” is more his style...
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Elaine’s podcast: Throttle Podcast
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"Today, I want to talk about feelings…" Feelings. Fun, right? We often hear that “drinking is but a symptom…” But, what the hell does that mean? It means we have feelings, experiences, and other life situations that we don’t want to deal with, so we choose to cover them up with distractions, like drinking… “Two years and one week ago I used to drink all of these emotions away.” Through some serious research, Paul has discovered that dogs (thanks to Ben for being part of this study) can teach us something about these feelings. Ok, so it’s obvious that humans and dogs are different, but dogs can actually teach us how to lean into negative sensations and feelings… Take riding in a car for example, a dog (like Ben) will actually lean into uncomfortable sensations like curvy roads and the blowing wind. We can learn from our four-footed friends.
5 Strategies for Leaning Into Emotions:
[ 09:24 ] Paul Introduces Elaine.
Elaine’s last drink was 15 days ago! Elaine has lived in a number of cities across Canada. She’s in her 40s and does freelance work. She has been happily married for 25 years. She loves practicing karate (green belt), archery and riding her motorcycle. She is an introvert and an atheist. Elaine loves karate because of the mental part. “You really have to be focused and mindful.”
[ 13:44 ] When did you decide to first quit drinking?
“That’s a long road…” This time around, Elaine has joined AA. “My husband came home one day and told me a story about a great friend who was doing AA and it completely changed my view of AA.” Elaine didn’t feel that she had a rock bottom, but really resonated with the group the first time she joined an AA meeting. “I just couldn’t fool myself any longer. It’s a really open and honest group and I am an alcoholic.”
[ 17:31 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?
It was a Wednesday, the day before we were leaving for a trip to my husband’s family cottage, typically a long-weekend that involved drinking. “It was a white-knuckle weekend. I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself.” Elaine realized that in prior years the cottage was always an excuse to drink.
[ 21:26 ] Talk to me about depression?
Elaine has lived with depression since her teens. “When you mix alcohol with depression, it’s never a good thing.” During bouts of depression, everything becomes very arduous. Elaine now has the awareness to notice when depression is creeping up on her. “I used to start off with a couple of cocktails, have wine while making dinner and during dinner, and then finish off the night with a few night-caps. I would wake up the next day and feel terrible and would spend the whole next day beating myself up about it (the depression and the drinking). It was a vicious cycle.”
[ 26:44 ] What have you learned about yourself in the last 15 days?
Elaine has learned that it is okay to feel really vulnerable and that it can be really hard to ask for help, but that she is also stronger than she thought and can do this and ask for help often.
[ 27:56 ] What is your plan moving forward?
Elaine plans to continue going to AA meetings where she finds a lot of strength in sharing stories with others and building camaraderie. “I really value their honesty. I find that alcoholism is like depression in a toolkit sense. I make sure that I get enough sleep, and I incorporate meditation and mindfulness. Fortunately, I have built these practices up in dealing with depression.”
Drop us a line: info@recoveryelevator.com
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This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
Paul on Lowering the bar… “I have a podcast about being okay with the way things are, and I’ll admit, this episode is not perfect, there are some things left out.” Paul has been sober for 730 days. “Life at two years sober is better than life 730 days ago… My anxiety, that has pretty much gone away. But, on day 729, I had a near meltdown… The bar of expectations I had put in place for myself, had slowly risen up over the past 1 ½ years. On day 730, I realized that I needed to be kind to myself, to be patient and to get realistic. 2 years is not a long time, I still have so much more to go. On day 729, self-loathing showed up… again… I was so far out of my comfort zone, but that is where the growth happens, and that is where I have been for the past year and a half. So, I’m lowering the bar, I’m going to take the time to observe what I’ve done, what’s going on around me and enjoy the moment. What’s my plan moving forward? Well, I’m not going to change a darn thing.” Paul is taking this one day at a time… One day at a time…
[ 10:16 ] Paul Introduces Kendall:
Kendall is 28 and has been sober for 130 days. “It feels great, I’m free. I don’t have to carry the weight of being drunk.” Kendall is from Lawrence, Kansas and moved to Montana 5 years ago as a professional painter, in his free time he likes to head up into the mountains.
[ 11:25 ] What made you want to stop?
Kendall surrendered to alcohol on the anniversary of a death of a best friend who died from a drunk driving accident. Kendall reset his sobriety date after smoking a bowl after attending another funeral of a close friend.
[ 13:42 ] What were your drinking habits like?
“I would drink at least a 12-pack if not more. I’d start in the morning just to calm the jitters, then the moment I got off work the fun began.” Kendall used rules like “no hard alcohol,” “just O’Douls,” anything to maintain his sanity. “I got to drinking on the job, anything to keep my mind on alcohol.” After being dismissed from a family Christmas dinner, Kendall knew something was up.
[ 16:28 ] How did you do it? (on choosing sobriety)
Kendall utilized the rules of AA. “They spoke my language, they have a plan and they know how to do it.” Kendall felt connected once he got a sponsor, a home group and started doing service. “It works if you work it.”
[ 17:55 ] “Drinking is but a symptom…” Kendall dives into this idea.
[ 18:32 ] What was it like, your first 24 hours, 72 hours…?
“Oh boy, was that something else!” Kendall’s brain was so hard wired to drink. “The people in the world aren’t the problem, I always played the victim… It was all me. Selfish and self-centered.”
“The moment that you’re able to accept some humility, that’s when the freedom begins.” Now, in sobriety, Kendall feels like the world is brighter and clearer. He can focus, eat and sleep, and do the things we do to be able to take care of ourselves. “It’s crazy how I’m now able to read a chapter and comprehend what I’m reading… It’s a gift.”
[ 23:36 ] What have you lost to alcohol?
“I’d say I lost my job, an education, an opportunity for an education, family, friends, relationships…”
[ 24:50 ] Have cravings come and what do you do to move forward? Kendall will pray and utilize his sponsor. “One time I went to the Wal-Mart parking lot and pushed carts back just to do something, to get out of my head.”
[ 27:34 ] What does your recovery portfolio look like today?
“The moment I wake up, I pray. I have gone through “the big book and the 12 & 12”. The first 30 minutes of my day are all geared towards AA. I use the serenity prayer. The moment I get off work I go to a meeting, come home, cook dinner and go to bed. I like to keep it simple."
“Sobriety is just straight up nothing.” - Paul
“Deep down I needed an answer, I needed a solution… Really, I needed to check into reality…” - Kendall
“I’m able to be Kendall, the Kendall that everybody knew that I could be when I put the bottle down.” - Kendall
“What is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular.” - Kendall
“You might be an alcoholic if after your 3rd DUI and losing 2 best friends to alcohol, you think you still don’t have a problem with alcohol.” - Kendall
“You don’t have to hangout with people you don’t like.” - Paul
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Reddit Stop Drinking Forum - /r/stopdrinking
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Paul Introduces Chad
Chad has been sober for 37 days! Boom! Chad racked up about 2.5 years of sobriety in a previous life... "It doesn't get any easier. The best thing you can do is to get sober and stay sober." Chad is 25 and works in the communications field. He was born and raised in Atlanta and has lived all over the world. Chad is currently single (and recommends staying this way in early sobriety). Chad is really into backpacking... He got totally hooked during his time in rehab.
What were your drinking habits like?
"I avoided drinking and other habits until the summer before I went to college. I was afraid that something would happen to me if I drank. Little did I realize that that would become a self-fulfilling prophecy." Chad joined a fraternity in college and was drinking close to a 750ml of "nasty" Burnett's vodka a day...
Did you ever try to “cut-back” and put rules in place?
"You name it, I did it... But nothing ever worked." Chad went to rehab around age 22/23 to a place in the Pisgah National Forest, where he relearned how to live life -- survival techniques, meditation, etc. Chad attributes the program to his sobriety.
After 2.5 years of sobriety, what was your shoelace? What made you drink again...?
"Oh man, as with so many men in sobriety, it was a lady friend..." Chad was going on a first date with a girl that he perceived to be way out of his league... Chad was so nervous and remembered how embarrassed he would feel if he had to explain on a first date that he doesn't drink... Looking back, Chad now knows that honesty is the answer. "One drink led to two drinks... And three months later I was back to blacking-out..." The girl left Chad after two months when she realized something just wasn't right. Chad believes that he had this experience so that he could add it to the long list of reasons why he doesn't drink.
Chad talks about recovery and his recovery portfolio.
Chad is working with a sponsor (AA) as he feels that he needs to get relief quickly. Chad is working one step every week right now -- it's like a mini 12-week program. AA is working for Chad and he is going to keep doing it... Besides listening to the RE podcast (Chad's favorites are RE 67 with Buddy and any that highlight the newly sober). "These relationships that we form (in recovery) go way beyond the face value of most relationships. People in recovery can relate on such a deeper level."
When your next shoelace comes, when life happens, what do you plan on doing differently?
Chad is now asking for help. "It's admitting that you need help, that I need to reach out for additional resources. I see this as a sign of being a man." It's calling his sponsor, connecting with his recovery groups/contacts, and listening to the RE podcast. It is a courageous thing to be vulnerable and ask for help.
Who's your favorite Atlanta hip-hop star?
Listen in to get an update on ATL stars from Paul & Chad!
"When you make it through a craving, that feeling of accomplishment, that general good feeling... That's the new high that I'm chasing." - Chad
"I'm finally doing it for myself, not for other people." - Chad
"You might be an alcoholic if you get behind the wheel of a car with 2-bottles of vodka and end up floatin' in a canoe in Raven Co. where they filmed Deliverance... You might have a problem." - Chad
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